Fun with Limericks

With Feanor and many special guests

"Explain to me why we've come."

"Because it's the polite thing to do, and because you can't sit and grouse for another thousand years."

The elf crossed his arms. "I can very well do what I please."

"Obviously. Still, you might as well enjoy the day and the faire. Be happy this is all fiction and you actually get to leave Mandos once in a great while." Zhie stopped at the entrance and glanced at the elf next to her. "Let's go over the rules once more before we enter, shall we?"

Sighing with a regal air, the elf said in a voice lacking amusement, "I will not slay anyone, I will not hunt Morgoth, I will not go near Galadriel nor ask for a lock of her hair, and I will not seek to find the silmarils." He quickly added, "Though if one should happen to fall from the sky and into my hands, I get to keep it."

"Fair enough. Or should I say Faire enough? No matter... After you, Lord Feanor."

The pair entered the faire and strolled through the crowd.

Glancing through the trees, Forest watched as Feanor and Zhie strolled by.

Suddenly, a hand closed on her shoulder and she yelped in fright. A few feet away, Feanor and Zhie's heads turned in the direction of the noise. Forest cowered behind the tree, and finally, the pair moved on.

"What were you thinking?" Forest let out a huge sigh of relief.

"What were you doing?" asked Beleril, hands on hips. "Stalking the highest of the Noldor, were we?"

Forest flushed a becoming shade of magenta. "No I-" then a wicked gleam lit in her eye. "Why?"

Beleril shrugged. "Just wondering."

Forest's eyes suddenly widened and she smacked herself on the forehead. "I am such an idiot!"

With that, she tore after Feanor and Zhie, and soon skidded to a halt beside them, Beleril following confused in her wake.

"Zhie!" she grinned, wringing Zhie's hand. "Good to see you."

"Ah, Forest, mae govannen! Have you met Lord Feanor, the-"

Suddenly, from the right, there came a dull "ooooommmpph!"

They looked down and saw Beleril lying spread-eagled out on the ground, apparantly having tripped over a tree root.

Forest sighed and grinned. "And this is Beleril," she said proudly.

Zhie gives Beleril a little wave from above and smiles to Forest.

Feanor slowly tilts his head to regard Beleril. "I often hear jokes about the fall of the Noldor, and yet, skits are quite a rare thing indeed."

Grinning awkwardly, Zhie whispers to Forest, "He's really quite charming, once you get past the dark sense of humor and the ego. Trust me."

Crystalline was taking a break from the First Aid Booth when she spotted Zhie with an elf she hadn't met before, as well as Forest and Beleril. Beleril was just getting up from the ground when Crystalline approached them. " Hello ! how are you all doing on this lovely day? " she inquired, smiling at them. 

Forest replied, "We're fine. Zhie was just bringing Feanor here to the Faire, you know, make him have some fun."

Zhie nods, and cringes a little, realizing keeping low key is not going to happen today. Feanor has already softened a bit, now that he's aware of the attention he will be getting.

Crystalline's eyes widened as she looked upon the highest of the Noldor. "THE Feanor? Really? Silmarils and all?"

Zhie waved a hand in front of her. "Ixnay on the ilmarilssay!", but the damage was already done. Feanor smiled wide and gave Zhie a smug look as he nodded.

"Oh my! I never thought I would meet you ...well, ever!"

"Being dead, banned from leaving Mandos, and cursed by the mark of the kinslayers does tend to leave some doubting," he nodded, taking her hand and kissing it.

"I'm so pleased to make your acquaintance!" she shook his hand as he looked a bit perplexed at her outburst. "Well..it was great to see you guys, but I have to get back to the First Aid Booth..Have a good time today!" With that she made her way back to the faire. She couldn't wait to tell Christen and Aderiana that she had met Feanor.

"She seemed very excited to meet me," stated Feanor.

Zhie shrugged. "I do suppose she was mildly interested."

Thinking for a moment, Feanor tossed his dark cloak half-over his shoulder, revealing his brilliant blue and silver garb. "Come. I wish to continue strolling."

Zhie waited until Feanor had gotten a few paces ahead, gave a sigh, prayed to the Valar she wasn't in over her head, and went forward to catch up with the Noldo.

Zhie and Feanor find a comfortable spot on a grassy little hill and sit down, readying to recite limericks. "The only problem is, I'm going to need a bit of inspiration... which means hopefully some of the other ladies will stop by mention names of elves that they would like to hear limericks about."

"Nothing about me, though," warned Feanor. "I'm much too dignified for limericks."

"Yes, you're more of a haiku, aren't you?" Zhie grins as Feanor pretends to ignore her and she waits for inspiration to strike.

"Do you know who is doing the limericks today?" inquired Julie as she stopped by Zhie and Feanor.  Zhie raised her hand with a grin.  "Ah.  I have a few suggestions, then.  Something to do with Haldir and getting laid would be nice.  Or Haldir and cute tight behinds."

"I can be inspired by that," says Zhie as Julie walks past. "And while we wait for that to happen..." she glances at Feanor, who frowns.

"If you must," he finally says.

"The greatest of all the Noldor 

Was an elf they called Feanor 

His greatness is clear you see 

From all of his progeny 

No elf greater came after or before."

"A sneaky way of saying the obvious," says Feanor. "I approve, but only marginally."

"I'll have to write some haikus for you later," smirks Zhie.

"Hello Zhie! Feanor!" Tala said, adjusting the bow she is carrying over her shoulders. "I'm just off to practice. What are you two up to? Or shouldn't I ask?" she laughs. 

"We're waiting for limerick inspiration to hit." says Feanor glumly.  

"Well, you could write one for me about Haldir - in honor of his victory in the sword fight yesterday. I am, after all his top PR girl - after Julie and Fianna of course!"

"Julie wants a limerick about him, Tala wants a limerick about him... he can't be that popular, right? 'Tis a fluke," says Feanor, twirling a blade of grass in his fingers.

"Actually," says Zhie, "he's really quite popular. But don't worry," she adds hastily, "Rumor has it he's not a Noldo, so you're still top elf in that category. But, onto sillier things... a Haldir limerick. I suppose, if my arm is twisted, I could compel myself to write one..."

Feanor crosses his arms. "Please, don't say it like you mean that on my account."

"Then I won't. A limerick to commemorate Haldir's victory. Ahem."

"A poem of an elf who shouts 'Daro!' 

Whose victory yesterday was not narrow 

He practices with sword 

Only when he is bored 

You should see what he does with his arrow."

"Clearly, your mind resides in a gutter," says Feanor.

"Twenty four hours a day every day of the week," answers Zhie proudly.

"Okay, I'm thinking about what Julie said, and so that we don't have too many Haldir limericks, I'm going to give it a go to get both requests into one."

Feanor folds his hands and politely waits to hear the limerick.

"In time it will come to pass 

When Haldir pairs up with a lass 

Every matron and maid 

Wants to see him get laid 

Did I mention he has a tight-"

"My word!" Feanor stares with his mouth agape. "My niece warned me about you, but I couldn't believe all of what she said was true."

"Gladders put in a good word for me? That's so sweet!" Zhie notices Lassar walking up and waves at her. "Good morning! Have an elf you'd like to hear immortalized in poem?"

"I don't believe I have heard one yet about Celeborn. After seeing his prowess at the archery tourney, surely something will...*ahem* come to mind," Lassar says with a wink.

"Funny you should mention him... it seems I have him on my mind more often than the Lady would like for me to. Consider it done," promises Zhie.

Feanor and Zhie's head snapped up suddenly as a greenish blur shot past them.

"What was that?" said Feanor, his expression perplexed.

"Well," said Zhie thoughtfully, straining her eyes to make out what they had just seen. "I think the question 'who', Feanor. If I didn't know better, I'd say that was Forest."

"Where's she going in such a hurry?" asked Feanor curiously.

Zhie shrugged. It was then, she first noticed the yellowing parchment that Forest had dropped. Picking it up, she read it aloud to Feanor.

"Dear Zhie and Feanor. I hope you are having a nice day. Here is my way of saying thanks for turning up!

'There once was a Noldor named Feanor

Whose specialities lay in l'amour

The ladies they'd cry

"What a sexy, gorgeous guy!"

That famous young Noldor named Feanor!'

"There you are," says Feanor, controlling himself from smiling too widely, "I'm sexy and gorgeous. That Haldir elf, he just has a firm rear end and a vast amount of weaponry."

Zhie blinks and says, "No comment."

Perhaps you could try your talented hands at writing a limerick about either Beleril or Erestor? Enjoy your day. From Forest"

"Beleril or Erestor... will have to ponder that... In the meantime, a little something about the Lord of Lothlorien," says Zhie.

"Though the trees here grow quite tall,

The silver tree is the tallest of all.

Such strength and height,

Said The Lady with delight,

(But I don't think she meant the trees at all)"

Zhie pauses as an arrow lands just to her left with a note attached. "Hmm... white feathers... must be from one of the Galadhrim..."

She unfolds the note and reads:

"A limerick about Haldir, written by Haldir."

Feanor shakes his head. "He has not the courage to come here and read it himself."

"No, actually, I think another author's using him right now, and having him in two places would just be silly." She turns over the paper and reads,

"It's not over until I get laid,

Whether it be an elleth or maid.

That being said,

When I go to bed,

I think they should throw a parade!"

"Cheeky fellow," Feanor says, clicking his tongue in disapproval.

Zhie stretches out on the hill now that she's finished her picnic lunch with Feanor. "I think the song about you is going to be a big hit."

"Oh, do you really? I always hoped to be immortalized via a folk tune."

"No need to thank me now, thank me when everyone's singing it later. But for now, there was a request for a limerick about Erestor." Zhie clears her throat and says,

"Erestor never really shows off

He's tidy, and smart, and won't doze off

But as a rule you

Can't let that fool you

He's a sly one if you get his clothes off."

Feanor crosses his arms and says nothing for some time, finally asking, "Do you have proof of this?"

"Well, you can't just make stuff like this up, now can you? Now, who's the next victim-- er, volunteer...?"

"Okay, it took me some time," says Zhie as she sits down again on the hill, "and I had to talk to a lot of people about what went on before we got here, but I now have a Beleril limerick to share!"

Feanor, scanning the crowd and admiring those wearing jems and jewels, appears only slightly interested. "Do tell."

"At the start of the Lorien Faire

Everyone noticed Forest not there

So Beleril brought her down

In just her nightgown

(Now she has a tale to share!)"

"I think I shall pass on asking what happened during the first five days of this faire," Feanor says carefully.

Many thanks to Forest, Crystalline, Julie, Tala, and Lassar for the inspiration provided.  They pretty much are the ones who write their lines, as it all came from banter on the JFA list.  This all happened the day before the 2004 Concert on the Green.