The Things You Need To Know
Are The Ones I've Never Said
by BJ Malata

So this is it. It's been half an age.

I tried to merge with the shadows. I hate parties. I hate merry people, laughing and flirting. I hate them because they won't return to their rooms alone. And I hate them for nearly all of them try to court the object of my long subdued desire. I walked over to the hearth of the hall of fire, watching the flames instead of the ugly teasing and dancing.

Oh yes, I know I was in a very bad mood. But parties always do that to me. Still, I owed this one to my little ones, who were not so little any longer. They just reached majority and this horrible feast was given to celebrate the fiftieth birthday of Elladan and Elrohir. I involuntarily turned slightly to have a look at them. They were positively stunning and I chided myself for even being jealous of them. Stop that, you stupid old brain. They are not responsible for your misery. That is you alone... mostly.

My eyes caught him again and I nearly choked on my expensive wine. Oh he was so disgustingly beautiful. He shone like the sun and lit the dim hall with his pure soul. He was casually speaking to one of the Lorien elves, what was his name? Haldir, I think. The Lorien party just arrived that day because they were caught by a storm. But I already had had the joy to be introduced to Haldir, the captain of the Lorien guards. Galadriel and Celeborn seem to like him. I don't understand that. He's an arrogant slimy brat. Oops. Damn, stop chiding! That day not even I could stand myself. I felt the turmoil in me raging, a mixture of jealousy, damnation and love. A pretty ugly thing.

I slowly turned back to the fireplace, leaving him to his flirting with the long-nosed Lorien guard.

Oh no. I caught a glimpse of a maiden from the corner of my eye who looked as if she was considering to approach me.

I quickly went away to avoid the embarrassing situation of turning her down. It had once happened that one poor young maiden had approached me on another damn feast I hadn't been able to deny. I had already been broiling with jealousy, self-pity and anger and it had been quite unpleasant to finally leave the hall with all elves' eyes on my back for I had cursed her in orcish. That had been a really horrible slip and I had to punish my surroundings with four days of absolute silence before they stopped asking me about it.

But since I had nowhere to go, I ended up on the balcony. And soon enough the stupid, tarty... stop now! I wished I could shut down the cursing part of my mind. The... nice and innocent young lady, quiet beautiful indeed, cornered me and smiled shyly at me as a beginning to a hopeless task. I tried hard to keep my temper. Really, it is not this girl's fault!

"Master Erestor? Would you grant me a dance?"

"I'm sorry, my lady, I'm not available." There. That was unmistakable. Or wasn't it?

"I don't see someone who would mind," she said, sheepishly looking at me from under long lashes. Yes, girl, you're impossibly sweet... to someone who likes that. I don't. I prefer tall, muscular, strong, sinewy, blond, blue-eyed... Erestor! Stop that! "I don't think it is your right to decide that," I growled, already much less friendly. Her invitingly pursed lips thinned. Then she sighed, as if she wanted to tell me: I gave you a chance! And stalked away. Bah, I hate this, I hate parties, I hate girls, I hate Lorien guards, I hate...

"Erestor?"

I abruptly turned, nearly spilling my wine. And I would have snapped at anyone at the moment, would have perhaps even slipped back to orkish or whatever, but not with him. Not with my Lord. Elrond's eyes were patient and understanding.

"Please, Erestor," he said softly, "Calm down. Nobody wants you harm. Will you come back in for the meal?"

My heart clenched and I felt as if I crumpled to dwarfish size with my Lord looking down at me. Suddenly all venom was gone from my voice and all hate blown away. Instead came fear. As always when I was forced to be near him in public. I always embarrassed myself. I simply couldn't help it. I suddenly became clumsy, dumb and stupid all at once. And the guests must have a quite strange impression of me, since in all Arda was told that Erestor, the chief advisor of the mighty Lord of Imladris, was always fierce, composed, his mind sharp and his tongue even sharper.

"I... can't..." I whispered. There was no one else around and I was thankful for it. My Lord's understanding smile stubbornly stayed on his face.

"Why?" he asked softly.

"I... simply hate parties. All this... I don't mean it offending, Elrond, but I hate this glamour, this glee and stupid acting. I'm not made for this. I can't be happy."

Now a slightly concerned look crept into the stormy grey eyes. "Oh, Erestor. I very much hope you can. I at least thought the library makes you happy, and your work and home here..."

"Yes, yes, that's alright. I can be happy, but not here. You really hit the point. I'm happy in my study. I'm happy with my work. So please, let me be there. I don't want to go back to the throng. Please?"

I was begging like a little child. But he was my Lord. He could order me to come. But he only sighed. "As you wish. But will you at least manage to come back later, when the meal is over and the worst crowd dissolved? Elladan and Elrohir would be disappointed otherwise, I think."

I nodded, though my desire was to shake my head. But yes, he was right, I should not show such disinterest into the twins. Only it was not that I was uninterested in them, I only hated... so much about this. I bowed. "Thank you. I will come back later."

"Good."

And I left the cursed crowded hall, and with every step the air seemed to become more refreshing, the heat less suffocating, the fear less cold. I took a deep breath when I finally closed the door of my beloved study behind me. Here I was safe. This was my lair, my cave, my stronghold. Here I could block at least a part of my hurtful feelings out.

I let myself fall into the plush chair behind my desk with a sigh and lit the candles. Work. Papers. Ink. Very good. I took a quill and gave me another shot of my drug.

It had become quite late. But still at least a hundred elves were scattered about the hall of fire, chatting and drinking. And still Elrond could see no sign of Erestor. He sighed. The chief advisor had a rather strange attitude towards feasts. Every other elf enjoyed them as much as he could, but Erestor stubbornly suffered from them as much as he could. Elrond couldn't really understand but he respected his old friend's feelings. Yet this time he had promised to come back.

They sat in a comfortable round on couches and plush chairs. His daughter was beside him, next to her sat Galadriel and Celeborn. Estel had retired after he had realised he couldn't stand too much of the potent wine yet. Glorfindel was comfortably sprawled on a divan to his left, and across from him were seated Elladan, Elrohir and the prince Legolas.

Elrond smiled at them. Legolas was sitting in the middle and had one hand of each of the twins on his thighs. They had become close friends and Elrond was happy with it. He felt honoured that Thranduil had allowed his son to come, since the fragile relationship between Mirkwood and Rivendell was still young. But though his sons seemed happy and well occupied with the prince, he missed Erestor's presence.

He rose. "Excuse me for a moment."

Elrond wandered down the corridors. They were mostly empty, but he heard the life going on behind the heavy carved wooden doors. He grinned a bit to himself. Time for another round it was. His sons' had their fiftieth birthday, his Arwen was twenty-four and now it was baby-time. The elves had begun to co-ordinate the births of children for their sake.

You could be pretty lonely when you're the only child of a certain age. So the couples who wanted children would plan to have them at a similar time, that way the children could grow up together. Such things were necessary with a race of such a low fertility.

When Elrond reached the study, he entered without knocking and smiled about the image he saw. Erestor lay on his desk, his head resting on one arm, the other hand still holding the quill.

Elrond carefully tiptoed around the desk. But Erestor didn't move and his black eyes were vacant. The Lord of Rivendell wondered what he should do. Erestor definitely needed sleep, but it was probably not very comfortable in his current position. Deciding to try to put him on the couch in the corner, Elrond put away the things that had gathered on it and carefully slung his arms around the slim form of his chief advisor. Slowly, very slowly he lifted him and carried him over to the couch.

Erestor stirred and growled, but he didn't wake. Therefore Elrond decided he could dare to take him to his rooms. Erestor's chambers weren't too far from the study, in the third floor of the north wing. Elrond gathered his chief advisor close and walked out into the deserted corridor. He made it to Erestor's rooms and cursed when he found them locked. Crouching down he searched Erestor's robe and found the key.

He unlocked the door and carried Erestor over to the large four-poster. He knew his chief advisor hated it when other elves were in his chambers. But Elrond had already seen them and therefore thought it wouldn't be that bad. He placed the sleeping elf on the bed and covered him with the soft velvet blanket. Erestor munched satisfied and clutched at it. It wouldn't be that comfortable to sleep in those stuffy robes, but better than the desk it was at least.

Elrond smiled to himself and rose. He looked around. The high windows were open, letting the cool late summer breeze in. On the wall above the fire-place two daggers were shimmering in the dim light of the stars. Elrond walked over and took a look at them. He somehow knew these weapons. They were old. A brand was on them.

Elrond froze when he recognised the emblem. It showed five silver stars in a circle on a blue ground. The Lord of Imladris took a very deep breath. He knew his chief advisor even less than he had thought. Polite as he was he hadn't pressed Erestor into telling where he came from when he had shown up in Imladris over six hundred years ago. Erestor had seemed familiar, but he was very remote and didn't talk about his past by his free will, so Elrond didn't pressure him either.

But now he had found daggers bearing the emblem of Gil-Galad in his possession! He turned and looked at his advisor, who was sleeping peacefully, in wonder. How did he came by these weapons? He had to ask him in the morning, though it would mean he had to admit he had looked at them closely. Erestor would be angry with him, he knew how sensitive the chief advisor was about his privacy. But this was too important, and too late to block the memories out. The beautiful face with the high cheekbones, the strong jaw, the finely curved full lips, the glittering blue eyes...

Elrond swallowed hard and quickly left. But though he desperately wanted to go to his rooms to be alone, he had to go back to the hall to see his sons and explain his leaving to them.

When he entered the hall he was relieved to find Galadriel and Celeborn were just about to retire. That was a good chance to make it out of here, too.

"My sons? I'm sorry to leave you, but I'm tired. Would you be angry with me if I go to bed?"

Two pairs of grey-blue eyes looked up to him and beamed. "No, Ada, it's alright. I think we'll go, too."

"Thank you. Have a good night."

"You, too."

Musing, Elrond wandered back to his chambers. When he had closed the door, he walked out onto the balcony. He looked up at the sky and his heart grew sad. There were clouds and he couldn't even see his shining star. He had to relieve his pain in a deep sigh.

He still missed him so much.

Eventually he turned back and undressed. The room was silent and lonely. He loosened his tight braids and combed his hair. Gil-galad had loved to watch him when he had done that. But now there was no one to watch him. He climbed into the bed that stood on a pedestal in a corner of the room, and caressed the mattress beside him. No one there. So long grown cold. He closed his eyes and tears ran down his temples into the mass of dark brown, nearly black hair.

He still hadn't dealt with his loss. So suddenly had it come, so impossible had it seemed to him that he could survive it. But he had. And sometimes he cursed the Valar for it.

I awoke with a start from a horrible dream containing a certain warrior and snapped up to sitting position. I was... in my room! But I had been in the study and I wanted... or rather, had to go back down to the hall... but it was already morning. How did I come here? Did I suffer from amnesia?

I rose and found I still had my robes and even my shoes on. My hand slid into the inner pocket and found the key was gone. Who dared to...? My gaze fell onto the nightstand and I saw the key lying there.

I muttered under my breath, undressed, quickly bathed and put on fresh clothes. I brushed my hair and closed the collar of my black robe around my neck. Ready. Now get yourself going, you're already late. I locked the door up behind me and rushed to the study. But Elrond was not there. So down to the hall, as it seemed I was not that late after all.

But damn it, there they were, all already seated and eating. Even Estel had made it back to his feet. I couldn't go there now. Instead I went to the kitchen, fetching a frugal breakfast before strolling back to my study.

I sat down with a sigh and looked at my work. What was that? A letter not finished? Even stopped in mid-sentence? And the quill was lying around on the table instead of being neatly stuck into the holder? A faint realisation dawned on me. I had fallen asleep. Someone, most probably Elrond, must have carried me to my rooms. Most hopefully Elrond! There was not much I hated more than people in my private chambers. They didn't belong there. They were my refuge. And Elrond was the only one who had ever been there.

It was not that bad if it had been him who had brought me there. Valar what an embarrassing thought, he had carried me through half the Homely House! Cursed be it! Why hadn't he simply woken me up? Why hadn't I simply woke up? I should have!

Elrond was a bit at unease at the breakfast table. He had woken in the morning with a dreadful feeling of emptiness in his heart. It was a feeling he recognized, it having often greeted him after sorrowful dreams of his shining star. But though it had been his companion for centuries, it still frightened and nearly suffocated him. The thought of the daggers with the emblem of the High King in Erestor's rooms troubled him. And now the chief advisor didn't even show up for the meal!

Arwen touched his hand. "Why so gloomy, Ada?"

He tried to smile. "I'm sorry. I was thinking."

"You should not think about things that make you unhappy today."

I can't simply stop thinking about him. I tried it for hundreds of years and didn't succeed. "Yes, you're right." He finished his tea. "I'm wondering where Erestor might be. I will go to look for him. He's normally never late." His guests nodded and he rose and left.

Skyblue eyes followed his every move.

Elrond knocked at the door of Erestor's rooms. No answer. "Erestor? Are you in there?" Still no reaction. Trying the handle he realised the door was locked again. So Erestor was up and gone. He knew where to find him.

The door opened and my Lord entered the study. I looked at him suspiciously and he seemed to feel somewhat uncomfortable. Now, I may be angry at you, I thought, but I don't have a reason for it, so don't you dare to be sorry!

"Good morning, my Lord," I said to make up for my cold glare.

"Be greeted, Erestor. Have you slept... um, well?"

"It was alright, though it became a bit hot with robes and blanket." Snappy again, huh? Sometimes I hate myself. But I simply can't change it. I am cranky. The world was nasty to me, and now I am nasty back. Unfortunately it always hits the wrong person. To be undressed by my Lord would have been the last thing I wanted.

"What happened? Did I fall asleep here?" I quickly asked to cover my snappiness.

"Yes. I went to fetch you when it was after second hour. And found you sleeping on the desk. First I only wanted to put you over onto the couch, but it is rather short and to my surprise you didn't fully awake. So I carried you to your rooms. I'm sorry. I know you don't like to have other people in your chambers. But I really didn't want you to spend the night on the desk."

"It's alright. Thank you. I hope the twins are not angry?"

"I don't think so. Why didn't you come to have breakfast in the hall?" Elrond pointed at my empty plate.

"I was slow and didn't want to come to your table late."

He sighed and smiled. But there was something sad and still something uncertain about his smile that seldom occurs in my fierce Lord's grey eyes.

"Is there something wrong, Elrond?" I asked to help him.

He slowly nodded. He stood leaned against a bookshelf, arms folded in the wide sleeves of his dark scarlet robe, and he looked down to the floor. By Morgoth, what haunted my Lord to make him look like a scolded elfling?

"Erestor... I never pressed into you to tell me where you come from or how old you are. But I must admit that I realised where the daggers on the wall of your chambers belong when I was there yesterday. I'm very sorry to have penetrated your privacy like that, but it really troubles me. You know, I was a very close friend to Gil-Galad..."

First I fumed, but then my anger about the unpleasant realisation that someone had found out turned into amusement. He really didn't know where to put me. My smile, a rare thing to be seen on my face, betrayed me and he looked at me in wonder. "What is it?"

"I know, Elrond. I know how close you have been."

Now his wonder turned into stunned amazement. "Did... Did you fight in the battle of the last alliance? When I first saw you I had the feeling I already knew you..."

"Uhm... yes, I did fight in the battle, in a way. But Elrond, I would rather not speak of it."

"Why? Oh, sorry. I do not mean to pry. Forgive me, Erestor, but I can't undo the realisation I have made. Now I know you had something to do with him, my curiosity is peaked. Please, if you can manage in any way, tell me more. Is it that bad that you don't want to tell me about your past?"

"Valar forsake, no! It's not that I have done something wrong in the past. Don't fear to have a monster or murderer or whatever you think I might be in your services. But.. I needed distance, too. I wanted to make a new start. I have been someone utterly different to the chief advisor you know. But I didn't like who I was and I wished to change my life. To make a fresh start I left everything behind that could press me back into the shape of the past. I didn't tell anyone who I have been before because I want you to know me how I am now, here." Uffa, quite a long speech for me. And damn it, I didn't like that a part of my past had been revealed!

Elrond slowly nodded. But I saw he was not satisfied. He only held back for my sake. Dear one, it would have been better for you if you'd never found these daggers.

Elrond noisily shut the door of his study. It was connected to Erestor's study and they normally left the door open. But the Lord of Rivendell surely couldn't stand the hissing and cursing at the moment.

Always the same. It was always the same. As soon as Glorfindel showed up, worst of all in Erestor's realm, his sacred study, the chief advisor turned into a hissing and snapping snake. And Glorfindel answered him with curses and shouting. Sometimes they were really unbearable.

Elrond slumped into the chair. Three days had passed since the feast of his son's majority. The Lorien party had left this morning and slowly normal daily work returned. And the inevitable daily hissing session.

Elrond massaged his temples. He hadn't slept well for days, dreams of the past haunting him and taking away the peace of mind he need for his work.

Eventually the door opened and Glorfindel sneaked inside. "I'm sorry, my Lord. I didn't want to disturb you." He placed the reports of the patrols on Elrond's desk and bowed. "Can I help you somehow?"

"Knock me unconscious."

"My Lord!"

"Sorry, it was a joke, a bad human joke. No, it's alright Glorfindel."

The Balrog-slayer felt he was being dismissed and left.

Yes, bid for forgiveness, flutter with you long, dark lashes very beautifully, shake your long, wavy golden hair when you turn and now finally get going. I can take no more! I was ready to bite the table. How he flirts with our Lord! I hate it, I hate to see how he loves another and not me, how he tries his best to please him and meanwhile shouts at me. Glorfindel, you don't know what I could give you! I would make you happy, I promise!

Unfortunately I just made him angry - once again. Like every day. I sometimes reminded myself of a wild cat. They also scratch and bite the tom-cat though in reality they want nothing more than him. But it is kind of a self defence with me. I couldn't stand to have him play with me. I couldn't bear to let him close to me. If I allowed myself to show my feelings, I would lose my disguise and would lay myself open. And I have learned to never do that. I don't want to crawl in the dust before him. Or swing my hips like he does for Elrond.

Ohhh, argh! It drives me crazy! Sometimes... well, often... always I want to bite this enticing muscular ass, I would love to know how it feels, how he'd squeak and buck and what he'd taste like. No. Don't. Don't work yourself into another wave of self-pity.

The last time I did that I cried every night for months, Glorfindel, dammed months! Many cups of tears for you to drink, but you rejected them. Wrong. I didn't even offer them to you. You were happily heedless of me, my longing and my pain. I hate you, Glorfindel, I love you.

It drives me. It drives me out. My wrath boils in me. Surely this will turn me into an orc. I already hiss like one and finally I will be reigned by hate and despair, too.

Suddenly I rose and I didn't even knew what I was doing. Why was I leaving? I had work to do! But my legs didn't listen. They simply ran away with the rest of my body in tow. To my rooms. And they only came to a halt in front of the fireplace. I looked at the daggers. They seemed to call me. Come, let me clutch thee... I took a deep breath and stretched out to take them off the wall. Their weight, their shape felt familiar in my hands. I stepped back and swiftly, expertly flashed them about me.

The graceful and familiar dance of the blades promptly slit the sleeve of my robes. Damn! They were not made for this. Suddenly I felt suffocated by the tight, high collar. I ripped it open, and then my hands ripped the whole robe off of me by their own command. I felt ... frightened. How could a part of me that I had long hidden come to the surface so quickly? Sweat broke out on my forehead. A battle raged within myself, the calm cranky advisor in his shapeless robes fighting with the slender assassin in his leather armour... well, guess who won. The poor advisor landed on his face within seconds.

To my utter shock a cry broke loose from my throat and I rammed the daggers into the pile of wood for the fireplace in a death stroke, one from below, one from atop. My breath hitched and I felt nauseous. No. I didn't want that. I let my fingers fall from the hilts. Never, ever kill again. The words whispered in my brain as I sagged down onto my dropped robe.

Poor body. You look like a skeleton with a lair of chubby dull white skin. Hello? Are there no muscles anywhere? What? In my right forearm? Fine! At least!I rose and cursed myself for my frightening outburst. Strange how quickly things can overcome one.

Elrond tried not to watch. But when Legolas flinched for a third time this evening and his cheeks grew very rosy, his hand slapped the table of it's own accord. "Stop that!" he snarled at both Elladan and Elrohir who were sitting on each side of the prince.

Both looked up at him with innocent big eyes.

Impossible, simply impossible, he thought, They just reached majority and suddenly they behave like teenaged humans! He had watched this play for days. Every once in a while little Legolas plush lips' escaped a breathy yelp. It made him even angrier. How could this Mirkwood princeling dare to be so horribly sexy in the Last Homely House?

Glorfindel's dull smile seemed to tell him to calm down. Erestor ignored the childish play completely. Elrond sighed. So this was what he had from his son's majority. Gracious gods.

I made it to my chambers just in time. My breath hitched and I was drowned in sweat. Damn, what was going on?

I changed. I felt it. Damn feast, damn sleep, Elrond, my chambers, my daggers, leave me all alone! Now you have set loose a whole cage full of long imprisoned emotions.

I opened the collar of my robe and walked to the balcony, breathing in deeply. I felt rage in me. Determination. Energy. I realised it was impossible for me to cling to my old - no, my new - self. The advisor was dead. He had lost the fight against the assassin and to my total horror the latter one had taken over control over my body.

It was midday and I had told Elrond I wanted to have a walk outside after the assassin had constantly tugged at my long robe saying: You're a poor picture of an elf, can you move a bit at all? Or will you be exhausted after half an hour of running? You crumpled sad figure, you weak, frightened whisper, you unattractive, cowardly... that had been enough. I had risen abruptly and excused myself.

Now I was here, back in my refuge, and I was still not safe for the danger constantly followed me. I could hardly get rid of myself. He poked me in the ribs. Get going, he said, do something.

I went over to my wardrobe and opened it roughly. I looked inside. Everything was black. Black velvet, black silk, black cotton. And... black leather. Only one, one single attire was not black. It was blue and silver. And had hung there untouched since I had taken it out of the bag with which I had come to Imladris. Over six hundred years ago.

My hand ghosted over the fine, thick satin of the silver shirt and the stuffed cotton of the blue wrap. But I jerked back and suddenly my hand instead grabbed the soft leather of a much different attire...

Elladan and Elrohir knocked at the door to the prince's chambers. "Who's there?" they heard a small voice.

"The twins!" they said.

"Come in."

They walked in and didn't found Legolas in the main room. But suddenly Elladan pulled quite energetically at Elrohir's sleeve and pointed over to the bathroom. They both gaped.

The prince was standing in front of the large mirror and was seemingly studying himself. His white-blond hair was unbound and hung around his head like a mane.

He was completely naked.

He shot the twins a shy smile. They immediately set into motion and halted on each side of the prince, their eyes glued to the perfect pale body.

"Legolas... what do are you doing?" asked Elladan breathlessly.

The prince smiled again timidly from underneath thick dark lashes. "I'm asking myself... if I'm beautiful..."

The twins gaped a little more and than broke out into eager positives. "Quite so...," "Stunningly so," "No one is more beautiful," "You're blessed with the most beautiful body I've ever seen..."

A pleased smile lit the young sindarin's face. "Thank you so much."

But he didn't make a move to dress again but shot the twins meaningful glances. Elladan was the first to stretch out a hand and carefully touch the prince's shoulder. As soon as his brother's eyes widened in bliss, Elrohir followed his actions and lovingly stroked the shoulder turned to him. The clean skin felt like velvet and Legolas smelled of forest, mist and earth.

The prince let the following caresses happen with a satisfied smile on his face, and the twins watched in astonishment as his slender cock stirred and rose.

"You like that?" asked Elladan. The answer was a content purr, and it was enough for them.

In no time at all they ended up in the bed together, the twins rid themselves of their clothes, too, and all three explored each other, first only stroking, caressing, but soon kissing and licking, too.

Legolas lay back and let himself be cared for by two curious, inventive quart-humans. It was bliss to have both your nipples sucked at the same time, to have one hand tickling the side of your neck, one massaging your ass, one cupping your balls and one languidly stroking your member. It didn't take him long to come.

The twins watched in awe when the slender prince suddenly clenched, bucked and groaned very prettily. When he had calmed down, they both kissed him on his cheeks. "You're the most beautiful thing we've ever seen," whispered Elladan.

Glorfindel walked into Elrond's study, stunned. The Lord looked up at him questioningly, arching his eyebrows. The sky-blue eyes focused on him and he saw real confusion in them.

"What is it, Glorfindel?"

"Do you know where Erestor has been today?" asked the Balrog-slayer.

"He wanted to have a walk. Why?"

"I think I just met him in the corridor to the north wing. But I'm not sure. He wore no robes!"

"What? He walked around naked?!"

"No! No, by Manwe, of course not. But he wore trousers, leather, all black, yes, but it was something more like a rider's outfit. I talked myself into believing I was mistaken, but now I see he is not in his study, so I guess it was him after all!"

Elrond thought he would have loved to see Erestor like that. Perhaps he could have recognised the clothes.

"And he was leaving a wet trail on the floor," Glorfindel babbled on. "His clothes dripped. Did he go swimming in leather clothes?"

"Probably not. Perhaps the riddle will be solved later on."

But when they met again in the hall that evening, Erestor was completely his old self, with stuffy shapeless black velvet robes and composed attitude. His hair was slightly wet, though...

Yet Elrond barely had time for him, for he had to slap the table every five minutes to get his son's attention off of Legolas, who was blushing and yelping now nearly constantly after being poked and stroked under the table.

Arwen was eyeing her brothers mistrustfully and finally the whole thing snapped when she turned to her father and innocently asked: "What are they doing, Ada?"

The twins lost themselves in a fit of giggles, Estel quickly hid his grin in a cup of tea and Glorfindel seemed to find the birds outside suddenly very interesting. Fine, be there to baby-sit my children when they are little and cute but leave me with them when they grow adolescent and very, very uncomfortable.

But Erestor turned towards Arwen and nonchalantly said: "Ask your brothers, Arwen, they will know best."

The giggling on the twin's side immediately stopped. Cocking her head Arwen now looked at them expectantly.

"We, er..."

"We are savouring the advantages of or majority," said Elladan ready-wittedly. Arwen pouted and Elrond quickly interfered before the twins could corrupt his lovely daughter's morality with too many details.

"Do as you must, but I tell you, you better stop doing it that obviously." Hopefully the stern look was enough to make them reasonable.

Dumb warrior, why were you looking at me like I had grown a second set of arms? You only met me in my assassin clothes and soaked wet, is that a reason to stare like that? And then Elrond this evening!

I crawled into my bed and cursed the whole world - as usual.

"Where have you been, Erestor?" As if I was his child. But alright, I told him. I was in the caves. Behind the Bruinen. Then I promptly received that arched-eyebrows look.

"It's dangerous there."

"Humph."

"I don't want you to go there alone, Erestor. You could slip and fall and nobody would know where you are."

"Unfortunately there is nobody who could come with me. The caves become quite narrow and no one of Imladris can stand that. None of the Sindarin and only few noldor can stand it. I don't know anybody who could come with me."

"I can't allow you to venture deeper into the caves alone, Erestor, it is much too dangerous!"

I sighed. "Elrond, there is no-one to come with me and you can not forbid me anything."

Eek! That one was nasty. Erestor, stop enraging your Lord! "I'm, sorry, Elrond. I didn't mean it. But I would really like to explore the caves!"

Another arched-eyebrow look. Sometimes I fear his eyebrows will stuck like that. Perhaps it wouldn't even look odd. Yes, wonder about me, look at me as if you don't know who I am. You do not know who I am, remember? And it is your fault that the old Erestor was set loose!

"Find yourself a companion first," he said, his voice cold. Yes, punish me with your anger, my Lord. Right. I bowed and left and now I'm here and feel miserable. Beside that there is no elf other than me who can stand the tight passages of the caves, I don't want a companion! I want to be alone. Damn.

A thousand and four-hundred sixty five... sixty six...sixty seven. Yes, right. That works. Oh, I loved Imladris. The number of stairs is high, the house wide. I believe I could hurry around with a few heavy books in my arms all day long and nobody would realise that I was going nowhere as long as I avoided to meet people more than twice. When I came back to my rooms I threw off my robe and went to have a nice cold shower. Oh, I felt wonderful. I didn't realise I had missed to move so much. How much I had missed when not moving. Old agility came back to me, the joy of physical work. Very well.

"Ada's not pleased!" said Elrohir, munching on a strawberry he had just picked out of Legolas' navel. But he didn't address the prince but his brother, who was lying on the other side of the Sindarin beauty and nibbled at the sensitive pointed ear.

"He can't tell us what to do," mumbled Elladan, obviously not interested in the matter. "We're adult now."

Elrohir observed how his brother's hand wandered between the long slender legs and massaged Legolas' genitals. The pretty prince reacted immediately by sighing and groaning. He was so beautiful and so eager! Yes, they wanted him, both wanted him, and he wanted both of them.

Elladan dipped his fingers into the cream standing on the nightstand and then pushed his index finger into Legolas body. The prince yelped and bucked. His eyes grew wide in shock and his already hard cock twitched. Elrohir sighed and leaned back. He was not entirely sure if they should do this, going against his father's will. But Elladan seemed determined, and so did Legolas.

The poor little prince drew his legs to his body and spread them wide. He was looking like seduction in persona. And Elladan could obviously not withstand him, drawing back and adding a second finger. Elrohir shortly saw unease and pain flashing in the wide blue eyes of their little prince. But then he went on moaning and writhing.

Elladan massaged him, guessing what they had to do. All three of them were completely inexperienced in this and Elrohir feared they would hurt the pretty princeling. But Elladan mercilessly added a third finger and massaged the virginal opening further. "He's damn tight!" he whispered. Elrohir bit his lip. He had the feeling they should not do this.

"We'll hurt him!" he warned his brother, "And Ada would be the one who would have to take care of him! And he would not be pleased!"

"Oh El, I want him! I can't stop! And... every male lover had once his first time and survived it."

He scissored his fingers wide and Legolas threw back his head, sending his long hair flying, and groaned heartbreakingly. But his erection still stood firm and he willingly spread his legs. He wanted it, too. Still Elrohir wasn't sure if he knew what he was asking for.

But Elladan seemed determined. He slid between the inviting legs and lay down atop of Legolas. The prince immediately entrapped him with his arms and legs. Elladan took a deep breath and pushed. But he paused, feeling the strong resistance of the guardian ring. His courage faltered and he drew back. "He's so tight!"

Legolas writhed and pleaded quite prettily. "Take me, please, I will manage!" he babbled and desperately pulled at his poor leaking cock.

Suddenly Elrohir shoved his brother aside and positioned himself. He quickly covered his hard cock in more cream and then grabbed Legolas tightly. He looked deep into the dazed blue eyes. "I will take you now. I will. All right?"

The princeling pushed his sinewy body against him and nodded frantically. And Elrohir gathered all his courage and pushed, hard. He felt how the muscle ring clenched shortly, but then he was able to breach it and enter the velvety tightness of Legolas body.

The thrust ripped a shocked scream from Legolas' throat, but he clutched at Elrohir madly and rocked his hips. Elrohir kissed him fiercely and set a steady rhythm of careful thrusts, spiralling them into a wonderful orgasm. Elrohir felt the body beneath him convulsed, rhythmic spasms massaged his cock and he watched when Legolas made a hollow back to intensify their contact and shook his head, whipping his hair from one side to the other. He was stunningly beautiful in his raw, lecherous lust. And sent Elrohir over the edge, too.

"I don't know where my sons are. But I won't tolerate this any longer." Elrond rose from the dinner table and left Estel, Arwen, Lindir, Erestor and Glorfindel, to fetch his twins and the similarly missing prince of Mirkwood.

Angrily striding through the corridors he halted in front of the door to his son's chambers in the south wing. He raised a hand to knock when a sound stilled it in mid-air.

A hoarse cry erupted from within and shortly afterwards was followed by rhythmic groans and wails.

Elrond paled a bit. His sons were occupied with other thing, yes, quite occupied... He swallowed. Whoa, he hadn't expected them to be that straight forward! Suddenly he realised how precarious the situation was. Thranduil had entrusted his son to him and would retrieve him back as a rutted, morally corrupted being! Turned into it by his twins!

Elladan watched fascinated when both his brother and the prince came, nearly in union. Afterwards they slumped boneless into the mattress. He left them some minutes to recover, but his own aching need was demanding release, too. And finally he poked his brother's shoulder and Elrohir sleepily slipped off of Legolas, creating a heartbreaking whimper when he pulled out of him. Elladan carefully probed Legolas opening. "Are you hurt?" he asked.

The prince lazily shook his head. "I don't think so. I feel wonderful." He realised Elladans weeping erection and encouragingly lifted his hips. "Go on. I'm all soft and relaxed now. Ready for you."

Elladan sighed and sheathed his cock into the willing body. Yes, it was much easier now and it felt wonderful! He only needed a couple of strokes to come and spilled his seed into the warm, eager body beneath him.

The whole table felt how the cloud of the Lord's bad mood settled comfortably above us and started to rain heavily, once in a while sending down lighting and thunder to whom ever dared to talk to Elrond. I arched a questioning eyebrow at him and received a muttered: "The twins."

That was all I needed to know.

Later I met Elrond in the study. The Lord was writing furiously, then stared at the paper, suddenly crumpled it in his hands and threw it into the cold fire-place, where quite a mass of such crumpled papers had already gathered.

"Have they done it?" I asked directly.

"I suppose," growled Elrond.

"Why does it make you angry?"

The Lord sighed and slumped back into his chair. "It is Legolas. They could have chosen any other being and I wouldn't have minded. But to deflower Legolas under my very roof is a very dangerous thing concerning the young and fragile relationship to Mirkwood. Thranduil will not like to hear of that."

"It is not your responsibility."

"Of course it is! The king entrusted his son to me!"

"He is not really harmed, is he?"

"Well, hopefully not."

"And I think that little Legolas is much less innocent than he tries to look. He is a sexy little slut." Damn! Shut up, assassin! Elrond looked at me as if he had thought me incapable of such words. I stayed motionless.

"Well, yes, in fact, he is..."

"So it is his decision. Who are you to question those young elves' will to spend their time together? And now don't tell me they are too young to know what they do! The twins just turned fifty a few days ago and Legolas is already fifty-six, though he doesn't look like it."

"I don't think Thranduil would see it that way."

"That's not your concern."

"Of course it is! I'm Lord of Imladris! And we haven't made so much effort to built up a friendly relationship between the two realms only to have it smashed up by my overly-eager sons!"

I only smirked. Looking at the futile attempts of my Lord trying to write a letter to Thranduil to explain things, I knew exactly what to do.

"Elrond, I have a plan. Listen."

Soon, very soon in the morning there was a fierce knock at the door. Legolas shot up from his light sleep, waking both twins on his sides.

"What's it?"

"Come back down, Lasseg-nîn!" (my little leaf).

"There was a knock at the door!" The princes' nervous statement were followed by the stern voice of Glorfindel.

"Come out there, boys. You two are to come to the study immediately."

The three young elves bit their lips simultaneously. "Oh, oh."

The twins sneaked inside nervously. I grinned at them and pointed at the door to Elrond's part of the study. They pouted at my obvious amusement and tiptoed over into the next room. Soon I heard Elrond's mighty voice.

"Ai, my dear sons. Please, sit. Listen, I will not dance around the subject at hand. You've slept with Legolas and I will not interfere with that at all. It is by now your decision who you bed." I could nearly feel the twins' half relief. But they felt their father wasn't finished yet.

"But I have one condition to make. Thranduil must know this. I give you a week, no, six days. In six days a messenger will go to Mirkwood. And he will carry a letter of yours or Legolas in which you explain your relationship to him. As Legolas' father he has a right to know. Considering the fragile state of the relationship between Mirkwood and Imladris I will not risk to be accused of keeping secrets from him. It could ruin everything. So you will tell him, or otherwise I will forbid you to meet with Legolas in a private way."

I practically heard them gulp and some moments later they sneaked back out, very uneasy.

I snorted and went back to work. But soon Elrond stepped up to me and smiled. "If I didn't have you, I would have spoiled them completely," he said.

"Perhaps. You must stop now to take the responsibilities from them but otherwise let them savour the freedom of their majority. They must learn to act adult, too."

"I hadn't thought you could be so strict with them."

"I can, if necessary," I stopped the talk before it grew too intimate.

Poor Elrond. Now he tries to reach me but I can't give away more of me. I'm sorry, my Lord.

It's been three days since the incident with the twins. I tried to work in my study as normal. But it drove me again. Out. Out. Through the ravine. Behind the waters. Into the caves. I had a guilty conscience, yes, but I guess there really is no one in Imladris who could come with me.

I slipped through the gap I had found the last time and reached the small hole in the wall. I hadn't gone through it, yet. It was very small, perhaps two spans in diameter. But I dared it. I didn't panic when in closed rooms. I'm Noldo, and old. I determinedly slipped through the small hole, leaving the world outside.

"Glorfindel? Do you know where Erestor is?"

The Balrog-slayer seemed to think. "The breakfast was the last time I saw him."

A feeling of dread and urgency crept into Elrond. He didn't like that. Erestor had left the study at noon, but now it was around fiftieth hour and he still wasn't back. Elrond had tried the kitchens, the library, even the bathhouse, but Erestor was nowhere to find.

"I will look for him in his rooms." He strode out into the corridor and Glorfindel followed him.

"I didn't even knew he lived here," mused the warrior when they reached the north wing.

But the door was locked, as Elrond had already feared. "Erestor!" he shouted, but there was no answer.

Realisation dawned him.

"Glorfindel, try to find someone who is not afraid of enclosed rooms! Quickly! I fear he has gone to the caves."

"But you were in there, too..."

"No, deeper! I don't dare to go through certain narrow gaps, either, but he does and I think he explored this unknown part of the caves! The twins won't do, we need someone who is really immune to claustrophobia. Hurry!"

Glorfindel was immediately alerted by the urgent tone of his Lord's voice and ran off. Elrond strode to his private chambers, quickly shed his robes and dressed in more practical clothes. Then he collected some items for first aid and ran back down to the main hall. He impatiently waited for Glorfindel to meet him there and finally the Balrog-slayer came with Curuwen, a noldor smith woman.

"Curuwen, be greeted. Has Glorfindel told you what this is about?"

"Yes. I already fetched ropes and we can go now."

"Very good."

The three went out and Elrond guided them to the main entrance of the caves behind the falls of the Bruinen. "I don't know where he is. There are five main caves, I think. And I fear we have to search them all. I can't go too far, I'm afraid. I'm not resistant against claustrophobia, so I will take the second cave, I know it to be rather wide until the end. Curuwen, please take this one, it is tricky. Glorfindel? Can you do this?" He realised his seneschal was a bit pale, but nodded anyway.

They quickly searched the first three caves, but found nothing. So they went to the last two, but they seemed to be empty, too. Only the right one had a gap where you could possibly go through that Elrond didn't know. Curuwen determinedly pushed herself through it, whilst Elrond already nearly panicked from the view alone. "Be careful!" he shouted, "If Erestor has hurt himself it must probably be a very dangerous cave!"

"The gap ends in a rather spacious round cave," was the answer from the other side.

"No one there?"

"No."

Elrond's heart sank. Had he been wrong? Had Erestor perhaps only been on a walk in the forests and they searched him here in vain?

"But there is a hole in one wall!" shouted Curuwen, "Hidden behind stalagmites." She crouched down to examine it. It was probably wide enough to slip through. She shouted: "Erestor? Are you there?"

I could hear them. I heard faint voices. So finally they come. But who should be able to rescue me from here? The hole is impossible to pass for anyone else, let alone Elrond. I wanted to answer, but my flank hurt horribly and my breath was so short I had nothing left to shout with. Dread filled me. I only hoped they would not give up! But no one could know for sure where I was. Only Elrond could guess. Oh please, Aule, take their fear away and let them go on!

Curuwen concentrated her eyes in the dim light of the flickering torches. Yes, there where faint scratches in the soft, wet chalk stone.

She quickly rose and turned to the gap. "He's been here! I think I found traces! I have to go through the hole!"

"How big is it?" asked Glorfindel.

"Two spans."

Whispers on the other side.

"I'll be right back. Don't let her go though alone! We can't afford to endanger her, too!"

Glorfindel rushed out.

"Curuwen! Wait for us!" shouted Elrond, "We'll come to aid you!"

"You can't manage, my Lord. It is really small!"

"Wait. We are coming." And Elrond took a deep breath and forced himself to shove himself through the narrow gap. It left him heaving and with wide eyes when he was finally through and sitting on the floor of the larger cave behind it. And some minutes later, Glorfindel forced himself through, too, and brought tools with him, a hammer and chisel. They were all already sweating and heaving from stress and the wet warmth in the caves. Glorfindel knelt down and began to widen up the hole. It was relatively easy, for the walls were mainly of soft chalk. And finally he managed to make the hole at least three spans wide until he met hard granite.

"I'll go," he said to Elrond, "You must be ready to tend to him, he will probably be wounded. Wait here."

"Give sign in at least half an hour, alright?"

"Yes, alright." Glorfindel inhaled deeply to calm his panic, lay down flat on his belly and crawled through the horrible hole. All that stone around! It nearly suffocated him! But he had to manage. They couldn't leave Erestor in here to die! If he was still alive at all...

Glorfindel was relieved to find the cave widened remarkably when he made it three meters down the long tunnel. The cave was crowded with thick, ceiling-high stalagmites and the floor was covered with sharp, pointy little stalagmites. But that left only one way that was passable at all.

Curuwen followed straight behind him when they explored the silent, warm cave. Everything was wet here, the air nearly dripped with water. And the smooth spaces of stone were slippery and slimy with chalk-dust.

"Erestor?" shouted Curuwen when they had managed another ten meters.

And suddenly they heard something click to their right. Both elves' heads snapped to the position were the sound came from and they harked.

"It must be him!" whispered Curuwen, her eyes wide with tension. "It was a small stone or something, perhaps he can't speak for a reason! Careful now! Let us secure ourselves." She slung her rope around a strong stalagmite, the only thing they could use. Glorfindel did the same and they carefully approached the place. There was a slope and beside it was a deep gap on the right. And scratched traces on it. The slope was wet as everything and it rounded down with nothing to hold to.

"Grab my feet!" said Curuwen. Glorfindel lay flat down on his stomach where the floor was still even and tightly clutched Curuwen's ankles, while she crawled down the slope with her upper body. She raised a torch with one hand and looked down into the gap.

Finally. Light. Voices. They call for me. But I can't shout. Not even speak. With shaking hand I grabbed a pebble and weakly threw it upwards. It was silent for a while, then there was more whispering and finally I saw a face appearing above me on the cursed slope that had sent me sprawling.

"He's there!" Curuwen shouted. "The gap his perhaps four meters deep. But there are many rocks and he looks really bad. He seems to be conscious, but he can't move nor speak. You will have to hold the rope whilst I climb down, the stalagmites are not strong enough to support my weight."

Glorfindel pulled her back and then found a place were he could sit with his legs propped against a massive rock. He held the rope and Curuwen carefully climbed down into the gap. She found footing and then ground and knelt down beside Erestor, who lay on his right side, one leg at an odd angle.

"How are you hurt?" she asked and tried to examine him, but she wasn't familiar with such things. Erestor could only mouth words. "Rib? Rib broken? Oh Valar! And the leg, yes, that I see." She stood and shouted up to Glorfindel: "Go tell Elrond we found him! He has one or more broken ribs! And a broken shin! I could use a splint here to stabilise it! Ask Elrond what we need to do when we lift him out of here!"

"I understand! I'll be right back!"

Glorfindel rushed back to the hole. "Elrond!" he shouted through it, wanting to avoid going through if not necessary.

"Yes?!"

"We found him. He's gravely injured. Broken ribs and a broken leg. He can't speak. Curuwen is with him, he lies in a gap, nearly four meters deep. Curu said she could use a splint to steady his leg."

"Valar! He has broken ribs and can't speak? They must be smashed into his body! This is horribly dangerous!"

"What shall we do?" There was a pause and Glorfindel guesses his Lord considered coming in. "No! You stay there! Elrond, the last thing we need is a panicked elf in there! We'll make it, only tell us what!"

"The ribs should be stabilised. But no, I can't allow you to do that. It is difficult and it could kill him if it's done wrongly. Here." He threw rolls of bandages through the tunnel. "Use an unlit torch as splint! We must hurry, I can't fetch you something else. Listen: He has probably not moved at all yet, and you must not touch his broken ribs! Turn him on his other side if possible."

"I'm afraid Curuwen will have to carry him in her arms."

"Oh, horror! Then tell her to turn his injured flank from her. There must be no pressure to it at all! If you can, bandage it lightly, but don't mess up with it if you need to undress him first, then better leave his clothes on. Avoid pressure and intense concussion! That's most important! Bandage his leg with the splint and tell her to carry him as stretched out as possible!"

"All right! Now calm down, Elrond, we'll make it. I'm off."

Glorfindel crawled back.

"I have bandages here! I throw them down where the rope still lies!"

"Alright."

"Curu, I'll find myself a secure position to pull you up now, then I'll have to unlit my torch. It will have to do as a splint."

"Alright."

Glorfindel told her all the other things she needed to know as he positioned himself. Then he unlit the torch, cooled it against the wet stone and threw it down, leaving himself in nearly complete darkness.

I felt I was nearly fainting. The pain in my flank was horrible when the woman, Curuwen the smith I think, turned me over. I gasped and fought for breath. My ribcage seemed to be much too small at the moment. I clenched my teeth when she moved my leg to bandage it together with the torch. She quickly examined my torso but seemed to decide it was better to leave my tight leather doublet on. Then she crouched down to my left and carefully lifted me. If I could I would have groaned. The pain was fierce and nearly took the rest of my breath away. Valar, was I thankful that Curuwen is a smith! She could hold me and herself with the hand of the arm beneath my legs to the rope and the other was free to support my upper body. My broken leg screamed at me if I was insane to let the foot pull at it like that, but I screamed back: Sorry, I'm busy at the moment surviving!

"Ready! Pull, Glorfindel, but not too quickly!"

Glorfindel? Damn, why did he have to be here? Oh! Argh! I gnashed my teeth when we were set in motion. Curuwen held the distance to the stone wall with her feet, holding me steady with her strong right arm. I felt like it took us hours to make it to the slope. I realised, frightened, that Curuwen was panting and grimacing from the strength she needed to hold on to the rope. Oh please, don't let go!

"Quicker, Glorfindel!" she groaned. "I can't hold on any longer!"

The rope was immediately pulled harder and we finally were at the slope. Curwen was on her knees and I slipped to the floor. Ouch. I fainted.

"Help me! He passed out! Glorfindel!!"

Glorfindel couldn't let go off the rope yet, but he crawled nearer to her on his knees. But he couldn't reach her without risking to lose his footing and let them all slip back into the gap.

"You have to make it, Curuwen!"

"My hand, my hand!"

"Curuwen! Change hands! Can you hold him with the other one? He already lies on the floor, you only have to keep him from sliding down!"

Glorfindel's heart skipped a beat seeing her fighting with the rope and the lifeless body. Eventually she managed to grab the rope with the right hand and to steady Erestor with the left. But there was no way around it, she couldn't gather him into her arms now and she had to pull him across the floor by the left arm. But finally she managed to reach Glorfindel.

The Balrog-slayer took Erestor in his arms and Curuwen climbed over him to help him up to even ground again. They finally managed, but Curuwen had to climb back down to fetch the burning torch and Glorfindel had to hold Erestor and the rope at once. Fortunately, with both hands free, Curuwen was quick and soon back up with the light. Together they made their way back to the hole.

"Elrond! We're here! We have him with us, but he is unconscious by now."

"Does he bleed from his mouth or nose?" was the frightened shout from outside.

"No."

"Thank the Valar! Now, fold the ropes, lay him down on them and one come over here to bring the end of the rope's folds here."

They understood and folded the two ropes four meters long. Then they very carefully lay Erestor down on his back on them and Glorfindel took the rope's ends and slipped back through the tunnel, blocking out his rising panic. When he reached the other side he found Elrond soaked in sweat and nearly mad with fear. But together they carefully pulled at the ropes, dragging Erestor with them. Curuwen followed right behind and they managed to get the unconscious elf through the tunnel.

Elrond was shocked to see him. He was deathly pale and completely motionless. He quickly opened the leather doublet and his hand slipped to his advisors hurt right flank. "Three ribs are pushed into his body. Thank the Valar they haven't pierced the lung! He would be dead by now. I can't help him here. We must get him out."

All three of them looked at the gap. It was too narrow to carry him through and had no real floor but was only growing narrower at the bottom. "We can do it together," decided Glorfindel. "We have to carry him on our hands, above our heads. One hand to hold him, one to drag ourselves forward." The other two nodded.

Elrond bound the advisor's legs together and then they carefully lifted him up above their heads. Glorfindel was going first, carrying the motionless elf's upper body, then followed Elrond and finally Curuwen. They fought to get through, sweating, cursing, and stumbling, but they made it.

"Finally!" sighed Glorfindel, when he was out in the bigger cave. The other two gave Erestor's lifeless form into his arms and he gathered the injured advisor close, carefully avoiding pressure to his right flank. Now they could at last move more swiftly. And whilst it had taken them one and a half hour to get Erestor from the place of the accident to the outer caves, they now could hurry down the banks and rifts to the valley ground within minutes and reached the Last Homely House.

Curuwen ran before them, alerting the healers in the healing wing. Everything was ready when Elrond and Glorfindel reached the operation theatre. Glorfindel placed the frighteningly cold form of the chief advisor on the operation table and then quickly retired.

As soon as he had reached the corridor, his legs gave out.

"Lindir! No. 43, three ribs broken and pressed in, the leg broken, we have to hurry, he can hardly breathe!"

Elrond hurried to bind his hair back and wash his hands while two healers were carefully undressing Erestor. The broken leg looked horrible, but he wouldn't tend to it yet. The ribs were most important.

Lindir had fetched the numbing slave No. 43 and spread it without pressure on the area of operation. Then he did the same on the broken leg.

"Lindir, I need you here. Curubamba, Idhor, tend to the leg! It's probably been over three or four hours since it was broken!"

Elrond took a deep breath and inspected the broken ribs closely. When the salve had worked its numbing qualities, he wiped it away. Though elven immunity was strong, he disinfected the area and then began his work with Lindir assisting him.

He felt he was being carried to a near resting room and a goblet with strong miruvor was held to his lips and he drank greedily. By the gods. So much stress and exhaustion!

He shook his head and slowly rose into a sitting position. Curuwen was sitting across from him in a chair, also drinking miruvor. A healer stood alert, watching him. He held his hands up. "It's alright, I'm fine. It was only a bit exhausting and frightening to pull a nearly-dead elf out of a dark, warm, wet cave. I'm sorry I passed out, it was not my intention."

The healer nodded and left.

"That was ugly," mumbled Curuwen and watched her hand. The skin was ripped and sore and the healer had applied a healing salve and had bandaged it. "How did he come to crawling around in the cave alone? How at all? I always thought he was not the adventurous type."

"Not at all. But something strange is going on in him lately. I hope Elrond can tell us more afterwards." There was a knock at the door and a moment later Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen rushed inside. "Glorfindel! What happened?" "Is uncle Erestor alright?" "Where is Ada?"

"Hush, my little ones. Elrond is tending to Erestor. He is injured and will need time to heal."

"You were in the caves?"

"Yes, and I can tell you it is the last time I will be there!"

Elrond leaned back in the plush chair he had placed beside Erestor's bed. Gods he was tired. First the whole search, then the stress in the caves and afterwards the operation. He was through with the worst now.

He had declined his childrens' request to see him and Erestor, his need for peace out weighing all other concerns.

How had his friend come to go alone into the caves despite his order not to do that? He gloomily mused, thoughts of claustrophobia, broken ribs, black leather clothes, daggers and battles in mind.

I attempted to take a deep breath but found I couldn't. Intense pain shot through my right flank, and my ribcage was bandaged tightly allowing me only a minimum of movement. I fought to open my eyes and looked around. Yes, they had made it! I was in the healers' wing. And beside my bed, nearly invisible in the darkness, was a plush chair with a motionless elf in it.

But no, it was the Peredhel, his eyes were tightly closed but his light snoring told me he was not dead but sleeping. I munched my dry mouth. There was a goblet on the nightstand, but I felt too weak to reach for it.

"El... rond?" I whispered hoarsely.

His head immediately snapped up. "Erestor?"

"Yes."

He reached over to the nightstand and lit a candle. I blinked in the sudden light.

"Erestor? How are you feeling?" Realising that was a stupid question he added: "Can I do something for you?"

"Drink..."

He immediately fetched the goblet and held it to my lips. I drank greedily.

"Anything else?"

"How... managed?"

"Curuwen and Glorfindel carried you to the tunnel and we pulled you through on folds of our ropes. I was waiting in the cave between the hole and the gap. I'm sorry I didn't come to help you, but I couldn't. I was nearly dead with panic from the gap alone."

"Not... sorry Elrond... I'm sorry," I breathed with the little air I had. He only nodded. Yes, he was right to be angry at me. I endangered them all.

When they gathered in the hall the next morrow, Glorfindel told everyone everything about the last day's events. Elrond was still drained and exhausted and soon retired. He went to the healers wing and listened to the report of the elf who had had duty that night. Then he quietly knocked at Erestor's door and entered. Surprisingly he found his advisor awake and alert. He was sitting in bed slightly propped up on pillows and his black eyes followed Elrond through the room.

"Good morning, Erestor," said the Lord when he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Good morning, Elrond. I hope you rested well the night?"

"Hush! Don't abuse your injured ribs."

"I'm fine. I am healing quite quickly..."

"And you want to tell me you want to return to your study and go back to work. Erestor, no. You'll stay here for at least four days. I'll check on you regularly. Your wounds are grave and I won't allow you to endanger yourself with your stubbornness. So kindly give up trying."

Erestor pouted. "Not four days!"

"Yes, four days."

"Not here! I want to return to my rooms. I feel much more comfortable there."

"And you're far from my reach and can even lock yourself up and wander around on your broken leg. No, Erestor. Promise me to do what I say. You owe me."

Erestor hung his head. He knew his Lord was right, but his hurt pride drove him again. Yet this time he put up a fight. This uncontrollable desire to go out and do something had nearly killed him the last time. So he reigned it in this time and subdued it.

"Fine. But please, let me return to my rooms as soon as possible. I promise I'll behave!"

Elrond smiled. "I hope so! Now let me examine you. I will take off the bandages, but don't you dare to breathe in too deeply! It may feel very relieving to have your full capacity again, but you're not yet ready to use it."

I suffered it stoically when my Lord pulled down the blanket and took off the bandages. I hate to be naked. I hate to be uncovered in front of others. My poor body shivered when it was exposed. So unhealthily pale, so weak, so skinny. Bah, I hate myself. But that's nothing new, is it?

Elrond carefully probed my wound and my broken ribs.

"Yes, your healing is satisfying. But Erestor, stay in bed! No rising, no walking."

I gnashed my teeth. "Alright."

I hate being ill.

"Dear Thranduil, would you please excuse us, we have deflowered your son, but we meant no offence. He was great and he is gloriously tight and sings quite beautifully when fucked. El, it does not work."

Elrohir bumped his head against the desk. "It's useless. Impossible to put it in nice and honourable words. We fucked him. It's just that. How should we dress it in words that would not enrage Thranduil? We're in trouble."

"And Legolas hasn't been too helpful either. I always fear he'll break out into tears when speech comes to his father."

"He's pretty sensitive, our little green leaf."

"Uhm. We need help with this. Father wants to have the stupid letter in two days."

Their eyes met. "We need something for blackmail. And I already know what," said Elladan.

In the late evening, when I was nearly dead with boredom and the feeling of uselessness, the twins had pity on me. Arwen and Estel had visited me in the morning, but they are not overly entertaining. Very pretty, yes, but still so childlike with their twenty-four and twenty-one years. Yes, I know, Estel already grows a beard, but he is no full human and his mind is still so very young. The twins looked more promising. They carried books and papers.

"Hello, Erestor. How are you?"

"Take care! I'm nearly insane with boredom." They giggled nervously. What is it about me that suddenly makes the people so self-conscious? Before, they were only intimidated by my intelligence and sharp words, but never uneasy like that.

"Then we have something for you." Elrohir put a little table across my middle on which I could work, and they brought me books and reports. "We asked Ada and he allowed us to give you something to work on. It's the trading reports of Gondor." My eyes must have lit up, but over all my enthusiasm I didn't miss the satisfied grin they shared.

"Fine," I said, "Thank you very much. That was what I needed. Now, what do you want from me?"

They gaped at me in shock but I held their gaze easily. Hey, I'm well-known for my knowledge of elven nature. And you're trained on it, reminded me the assassin, who was yawning out of total boredom in the back of my mind. But at least he let me savour the other part of my soul, the scholar, too.

"You want something. How can I help?"

Their mouths closed simultaneously. "Well, you could do us a favour, if you have the time..." stuttered Elladan.

"And that would be?"

They looked at each other for help. Then Elrohir turned towards me. "It's the damned letter! We tried for days to put the contents of "we fucked Legolas" into nice and fluffy words. But we failed miserably. We don't want to ruin what you, Glorfindel and Ada have managed by building up a relationship with Mirkwood."

"And you of course don't want to lose Legolas."

They paled visibly. They hadn't even thought of the possibility that Thranduil could call his son back and would never allow him to see them again. Yes, you are very young, indeed, and there is much you have to learn.

"Boys, I must say the start you made into your majority was not an impressive one," I scolded. "But I will help you. I will think about it. Is Legolas ready to write that letter?"

"Yes. But he has no idea, either."

"Give me time until tomorrow. And promise me to learn from this incident, will you?" They both nodded frantically. Yes, of course. Like you learned from falling into the Bruinen that you can catch a cold - after the eleventh time in Elladan's case and the eighth in Elrohir's.

Elrond felt like banging his head against the wall. When he checked on Erestor the next morning, he found he had worked through the whole pile of papers he had given his sons to deliver to him. And he had thought they would last him until he could leave the bed again! How wrong he was!

"Erestor. Good morning."

"Be greeted, Elrond."

"Are you feeling better?"

"Much. Give me more to work on and I'll be completely healed within the day."

"Don't you dare to leave your bed!" he turned to the daily examination. He felt how Erestor stiffened and looked away and was sorry for it. He knew how the advisor hated to be exposed in front of others. But it really was inevitable. At least he found the ribs had indeed healed quite nicely. But the leg still needed time.

"When may I move to my rooms?" asked Erestor.

"Tomorrow."

"So I may sleep in my bed tonight?"

"That is not really logical."

"It is. If I sleep in my bed tonight, I'll be in my room bright and early tomorrow."

Elrond rubbed his brow. "You're really a horrible patient. I'll think about it."

Erestor sighed. He hated the healers' wing.

The twins sneaked into my room in the healing house in the afternoon. "Do you bring me more work?" I asked, teasingly. "Because I will demand it as payment."

"Oh! Then We're afraid we'd have to ask Ada, and that would probably influence him into declining your demand to be let to your rooms tonight. Whilst we could talk him into allowing it...," offered Elladan.

I grinned. "Sounds good. Now come over here. I have an idea. Legolas must write it. Something like this: Oh dear father, I need your advise! I have this strange feeling always when I'm with the Lord Elrond's sons, Elrohir and Elladan. My heart flutters and my blood warms up. I feel drawn towards them and really enjoy their company. I would like to stay in Imladris a little longer. Would you please allow me? I guess the tone fits him, doesn't it? Whiny and pretty..."

"Erestor!"

"He'd have to play the innocent seduced young elf. What he is, in fact. But this way Thranduil still has the feeling he could interfere, and he'll probably try. But what a pity, when his letter reaches his son, it's already too late!"

"Sounds good," said Elladan.

"But this way Legolas would have to take the blame on himself all alone!"

"Not really. When the second letter is something more like the rough idea you had, Thranduil has enough to be angry at you, too. But most important is that no blame is on Elrond. It makes the impression it was you youngsters decision alone. It was that, really, but it was a bit difficult to explain that. So?"

"It is... not entirely true..." mumbled Elrohir.

"It is true. We never lie in it. But the trick is to keep some delicate things out of it. That is diplomatic skill, my dears. Nothing else."

They took the notes I had made and nodded. "All right. I think it's the best to do. Thank you, Erestor. We owe you."

"You owe me that I can go to my rooms this night."

They swallowed. And quickly made their way out.

But they held their word, or it was by chance that Elrond came to me that night. He stretched out his hand. "Give me the key to your rooms."

It lay on the nightstand. I wrinkled my nose. I hate to be treated like a baby. But I must admit I sometimes behave like one. Still, no reason to take away my key! Muttering I took the key and placed it in his hand. He smiled at me.

"Right. We'll go to your rooms. I'll fetch you clothes and prepare everything. I'll be right back."

Oh no. Not Elrond in my room again! He had already seen enough the first time!

I realised the horrible situation I had entrapped myself in too late. I would have liked to stay in the healing house for five more days better than to have Elrond looking into my wardrobe!

Elrond unlocked the door and stepped into the spacious chambers, taking food and drink with him. Suddenly the interior had a different impression on him. It was held in blue. Strange. You seldom saw blue in Imladris. The dominant colours here were red to yellow. It reminded him of... no. He should not think about it. It would only leave him depressed again.

He stepped up to the wardrobe and opened it. He smiled when he found it crowded with black robes, even black underwear. He fetched a set of clothes, and suddenly a glimmer of silver caught his eye. He pushed some robes aside and his eyes grew wide. There was one attire of blue and silver in there! The only one with colour at all! He inspected it closer and his heart clenched. It contained a silver shirt with nearly invisible silver embroidery, a pair of silver trousers, an ultramarine blue doublet and a dark blue wrap. And embroidered in the front of the doublet were five silver stars in a circle.

Elrond finished collecting he clothes like in trance and closed the wardrobe. He could still pretend he hadn't seen right. It was all a dream. An accident.

Misery, misery. What would happen now? I asked myself.

Nothing, I realised. At least not yet. Elrond looked a bit strange when he came back. And he didn't talk. He simply helped me into the clothes he had fetched, gave me a crutch and helped me up. He stayed at my side as I slowly made my way towards my chamber. It took us quart of an hour to get there with me hobbling along one-legged. Cursed be all these stairs.

Finally I reached my bed and let myself sink down on it.

Elrond had taken food and drink here and had placed it on my nightstand. And he helped me out of my robes and even crouched down before me to take off my shoes.

Ugly situation. I wished it all away. At least he didn't follow me into the bathroom. Bah. I had held back for nearly two days... I hate healers with chamber-pots.

When I finally was lying in my bed, well-covered and fed, my strength was completely gone.

Elrond looked around for a last time. "I hope everything will be alright. The crutch is within reach, but try not to stand. I will check on you early in the morning. You promised me to behave!"

I nodded weakly. Yes, I would. I felt I owed him. "Promised."

He smiled and put the key onto my nightstand. "Fine. Have a good night. Rest well." Then he blew out the candles and left me. Finally alone back in my chamber.

Glorfindel was lying awake that night.

The last days had been torment. He didn't understand what was going on. Everybody seemed to be nervous and irritable. First Erestor was snarling and snapping at him worse than ever before. Second, his Lord seemed stressed, tense. He suffered from something and didn't tell him, that made Glorfindel suffer, too. Then there were the twins and Legolas, making life even harder for their father. And finally the cave incident. Glorfindel pouted and caressed the mattress, subconsciously wishing he had someone special here to stroke.

Elrond had seemed to be very nervous about Erestor's disappearing. Well, of course, he had had reason for it, Erestor had really been in danger. But still it made Glorfindel envious. He hadn't expected Elrond to be that excited if he disappeared. Elrond had nearly snapped with panic. Right, it might have been the cave and claustrophobia. But still, since the twins' birthday party it seemed to Glorfindel that Elrond was much more interested in Erestor than in him. And that hurt him deeply. He had tried so hard, for such a long time, and still Elrond was heedless of his love. But instead he busied himself with the unbearable dark advisor. How could he stand his presence at all?

And the advisor was going through changes, too. Glorfindel had never ever seen him in something different than his black robes. But suddenly he found him in the corridors in black leather armour and he climbed around in that scary caves. He was becoming more aggressive, less hidden. Said cheeky things. That was not the old, stiff advisor he had known. And Elrond seemed to like it. Yes, most probably, that was the reason for it all. Erestor had unbent somewhat and Elrond had fallen for him. A tear full of sorrow and pain escaped a sky-blue eye and wetted the pillow.

I woke, stretching out, and froze with a cry. Uh, that had hurt. My leg throbbed and my flank was in stabbing pain. Bah. Have I already said I hate to be ill?

I carefully reached over to the nightstand and drank of the cold tea. Oh Elrond you're a treasure. There even was a good book within my reach.

When I had read the first chapter there was a timid knock at the door. "Enter!" I called - not too loudly. My Lord came in and smiled at me. "Good Morning, Erestor. How are you?"

"I'm alright. And I didn't rise! I behaved all prettily."

He laughed. "Very well." He placed a plate with breakfast beside me on the large bed. It was all food I liked much. He's so attentive. I was happy I had obeyed his order. I would have had a very guilty conscience otherwise. I smiled grateful when I shoved pieces of dark bread with a sharp herb cheese into my mouth. He had brought himself tea, too, and sat with me until I had finished my breakfast.

Elrond was staring at the floor though, seemingly lost in thoughts. I guessed he had in fact discovered the attire of Gil-Galads personal guard in my wardrobe. He simply didn't dare to admit it. Fine, said the scholar, leave me alone in my body! Go away, snarled the assassin, I have a right to live here, too!

"What do you have in mind for me today?" I asked, before the assassin could get control over my voice.

"You stay in bed," he immediately stated firmly. "Your leg needs rest."

"I would like to..."

"I allow you to go to the bathroom, now, whilst I wait here. Not more."

I sighed and rose, very carefully to not annoy him, and hobbled into the bathroom.

Elrond. I have sensitive ears.

I heard you opened my wardrobe again.

When I came back he sat on the edge of my bed as if nothing had happened.

"Has something changed in my wardrobe?" snapped the assassin before I could think of a more friendly way to handle the subject.

Elrond didn't move. "No. It's still there."

I lay down. "Would you leave me now?" snapped the assassin whilst throttling the advisor who wanted to say: I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! But he was already turning purple and soon lay unconscious on the floor.

But Elrond only nodded, as if he had a reason to feel guilty, bowed and left. I felt miserable. I would have liked to call him back, when the advisor came to life again, to scream: Forgive me, Elrond, you don't deserve this! You only did what your grieving heart told you to do!

"El?"

"Yes, Ell?"

"What do you feel towards Legolas?"

"I'm crazy for him. He dominates my thoughts. My heart jumps with joy when he's near. I adore him."

"How... do you see our future?"

"Oh! If I could chose, I would like to love him every night for the next ages."

"But he's from Mirkwood. He'll want to go back someday. It's far from here."

"Why do you tell me this?"

"I thought about it. I love him, too. But it will be difficult for us to be together in future.

Morality asks of us to only give our heart to one elf in love. So we would not be allowed to take another lover when we part - perhaps for years."

"My heart becomes sad only by thinking about it! I think I would go mad missing him! And never think of another. He's matchless."

"I feel like you. I fear the future. But I wish to spend it together with Legolas as long as possible."

The twins came to the study with joyful expressions. He hadn't expected that.

"We have it!" They laid a letter down on Elrond's desk. He dared to quickly scan it and his eyebrows arched. "That was your idea?"

He felt how the twins became a bit nervous. "Well, Erestor helped us a bit."

"What?! He was the one who told me to let you do that yourself!"

They looked at each other and shrugged. "He gave us the hint with the question. Will it do, Ada?"

"Yes. But let Legolas seal it. It must look as if I or you had never seen it."

"Alright! We'll send him to give it to the messenger then!"

"That will be best."

The twins stormed out again and left him alone in the study.

Elrond stared through the open door to the next room at the abandoned chair. Strange. He was really missing Erestor's presence. Or were there other reasons why he felt so horribly lonely? He propped his head up into his hands. The sorrow in his heart pulled him down. He felt awful.

He quickly went to lock the doors from the inside. Then he sank into the plush chair, drew up his legs and cried.

"My shining star! Why have you left me? Come back to me! I miss you so, I miss you so horribly."

I had the whole morning to think about what I should do. And finally came to a conclusion.

Something had happened to set loose the old Erestor. He was lurking around under the surface - the new Erestor, the advisor - and sometimes broke it and shocked the surroundings or endangered the poor body they both shared. I had tried to reign him, had tried to subdue him, to hide him, to kill him. But nothing had helped. He had slept for so long after his master had died. But now he was awake again and there was nothing I could do to get rid of him.

I had to live with him. And it seemed it was impossible to hide him. So I eventually had to explain my sudden change to the others. I had to let go of my hope to have a completely new start. And now, thinking back, I had not really been entirely happy in Imladris. I always had been lonely. I never had any close friends, let alone the lover I wished to have. Yes, I like my Lord, even count him as a friend. I love my adopted children. But still I always kept them all at a distance, for the fear they would find out.

Wouldn't it be much easier to live with it? To let them know of free will? To simply tell them? They would understand. I hoped. And... what was there to lose? Nothing but a poor picture of an elf, a crumpled sad figure, a frightened whisper, unattractive and cowardly.

I decided to leave me behind. Him, corrected the assassin. Nobody, I said. I'll keep you both. Beside each other. I will not decline anyone of you.

"Legolas! Oh, Legolas, come. El awaits us. I feel so relieved."

The prince and Elladan hurried back to the twins' chamber after Legolas had delivered the message to the courier. Elladan guided Legolas into the bathroom.

"Tada!"

"Oh! How beautiful!"

Elrohir smiled up at his brother satisfied. They had planned to surprise their little Mirkwood treasure. He had poured a hot bath and had decorated the bathroom with candles and roses, letting some petals swim in the water. Both twins jumped to undress the prince. The young Sindarin savoured to be tended to like that and rewarded them with cute, shy smiles. The twins undressed themselves and they stepped into the tub that was big enough for them all.

Elrohir went to massaging Legolas shoulders and Elladan tended to his calves and delicate feet.

Closing his eyes in pleasure, the price purred contentedly. "Oh! Oh! You're too good for me! I love you, Elladan, I love you, Elrohir!"

"Do you mean what you say?" asked Elladan, piercing the prince with his look. The wide blue eyes looked back at him and became a bit sad. "Yes. I mean it. I love you both."

"I love you, too!" stated Elladan.

"And so do I!" said Elrohir.

Elrond felt he couldn't avoid going back to Erestor. The advisor would be angry with him if he sent someone else. So he went to the kitchen, fetched supper and made his way to the north wing.

He knocked at the door and heard a quiet "Enter!"

He stepped inside, his head bowed. I couldn't understand why he let me treat him like that. But it would have an end. I promised. You deserve better, Elrond. Now come and sit.

The normal greeting and smile were missing and it stabbed me in the heart. No. I didn't want to lose the only friend I ever had. He place the tray with food beside me and turned to leave me again.

"Wait! Stay with me," I said and my voice was even. Not that aggressive, not that timid.

Turning back, he was now watching me with mixed emotions. I patted the edge of the bed. "Please, sit with me."

He seemed to be a bit puzzled. No surprise, I had just sent him out with harsh words this morning and now I was being nice and friendly.

I grabbed the goblet with cool fruit juice to distract me, but then thought it was better to be straight. I put it back on the tray and looked directly into Elrond's eyes. "Yes, Elrond, I'm old," I began to explain. "Very old. Much older than you, in fact. I have served the royal family for centuries. I was trained as a hidden force under Caranthir's whip-hand. But I couldn't stand his constant bad mood and abuses. And fled to Fingolfin first. But he had no use for me and sent me to his son. Gil-Galad had not even reached his twenties back then. Under Fingon I was a spy and assassin."

Elrond tried not to gape, but his eyes grew wider with every word I said and his brows rose higher. But he didn't interrupt.

"I fought in every battle. Even in the Nirnaeth Arnediad. I saw Fingon fall from afar. Later I went to the mouths of sirion, looking for my Lords' child. I have admired Círdan for his great deeds. Without him, everything would have been lost. But he kept us safe and brought us to Balar. Later on I dwelled in Lindon. But I was seldom at the palace. I avoided being seen. I saw you many times. I saw your career, I saw how you fell in love with him, and how he answered your love. And in the battle of the last alliance, I was far behind the enemies' lines when he fell.

"I'm sorry, Elrond, I'm horribly sorry. I kept it all from you because I hated my past, I hated what Caranthir had made out of me, I hated my work as a trained killer. And I wanted to leave it behind. I made it, more or less, until you found the daggers. That set my old self loose. It was the old Erestor who crawled into the caves, who snapped at you this morning, who made me behave so oddly. Forgive me."

He stared at me in silence for a while. Then he suddenly bowed his head and I saw tears leaking down his cheeks. "I am sorry," he whispered. "I woke your past. Forgive me."

"I am no longer sure if it makes me angry. I will have to live with it. I saw it is impossible to deny it. Tell me, will you accept me as this? A mixture of Erestor the advisor and Erestor the assassin?"

"I will accept you as whatever you are, Erestor. You're always welcome in the Last Homely House. In my family."

Odd. Very odd. I felt tears on my cheeks, too. I felt horribly relieved.

I carefully crutched down the stairs, Elrond right beside me. It was two days after my revelation. We hadn't spoken much about our past yet. It seemed to me that Elrond had to fully comprehend it first. He cared for me very well. And always he brought me greetings from the others. El and Ell, Arwen, Estel and even Glorfindel. I had laughed when he had told me that. Glorfindel. I still desired him. But finally it didn't leave me with pain and rage anymore. I mourned that I could not have him. But when I now stepped into the hall and sat down across from him, I realised I was ready to let him go. He still looked stunningly beautiful, so enticing to me. But I felt I had accepted that he would never want me. I would live with it. I had to.

The youngsters greeted me gleefully. I hadn't allowed Elrond to take them to my chambers.

But Glorfindel looked at me in a very strange way. He seemed to be very sad. He was silent for the whole meal and then excused himself to go on his patrols. I wondered what it meant.

Elrond allowed me to return to my work and I realised I could still do it. The assassin seemed to have accepted the advisor and left him doing his work. I felt strangely whole. And was giddily happy. Mad old brain.

There was a fierce knock at the door and Elrond immediately jumped out of his bed.

"What is it?"

"Lord Elrond, an emergency! Hurry to the healers' wing, quickly!" he heard the voice of Curucamba.

He slipped into a simple set of clothes and ran off, although it must have been something around third hour of the morning.

"A stabbing!" explained Curucamba, while they were running through the deserted corridors.

"Stabbing?! Who?"

"Seems to be something out of jealousy. Harodeth stabbed Uthanath when he found him in his lover's bed. The wound is located right below the last left rib and bleeds horribly."

Elrond cursed under his breath.

I carefully rose, propped on my crutch. My ribs were completely healed by now, but my leg still hurt when I used it too much.

I bathed and stepped up to the wardrobe. My hand ghosted over the dark blue. So beautiful.

"I'm looking forward to see you again," I whispered.

Out of a desire to see Elrond, I walked first to his private chambers. It was early enough, I thought I could still meet him there. I knocked at the door. "Yes, who?"

"Erestor."

"Come in."

I stepped into my Lord's cosy, spacious rooms. Everything glowed in warm colours of red, ebony and gold. No blue anywhere. Elrond came into the living room from his sleeping chamber. He looked far from rested. He wore simple clothes and I realised with a start that they were blood-stained! His hair was a mess and his face a mask of horror and shock.

"Elrond! What happened?"

"A stabbing. You wouldn't believe it! Old, adult elves!" He shed his shirt while running over to the bathroom. I slowly followed him. My gaze wandered over the furniture and decoration of the room. Nothing. No reminder of Gil-Galad anywhere. It looked as if the second age had never existed.

"Do you know Ruinril?" asked my Lord whilst loosening the lacing of his trousers.

"Yes. Lover to Harodeth."

"Exactly. But this night he was not pleased to see his lover. Because he had another elf in his bed. Uthanath was with him when Harodeth surprisingly entered the room and found them. He fell into battle-rage and after a fierce argument he drew his dagger and thrust it into Uthanath' lower body. Ruinril fled screaming, alerting the healers. Curucamba fetched me and we managed to keep Uthanath alive - but barely! Can one believe it!? Nearly a second kinslaying in my Imladris!"

He was raging and I felt he needed it to calm down. He was right, I nearly couldn't believe it. But the "nearly" was important. Seems like in opposite to him I know what jealousy can do to an elf.

He had by now fully undressed and combed his hair roughly. I stood in the doorframe of the bathroom and he didn't mind at all to be naked in front of me. I smiled. It was indeed interesting to see him like this. His body had a bit unfamiliar shape. Less stretched than a full-elf. Longer legs but a sturdy, strong body. And then the hair all over! Well, nothing in comparison to Estel or every other human, but for someone you know as an elf it really stroke as odd. It covered his legs, his chest and his groin. Must be funny to touch it.

"How does Harodeth behave?" I asked. Fortunately he seemed not to have noticed the pause before. He reached up to turn on the tap and a spray of water hit him.

"He is traumatised himself," he explained whilst rinsing his hair. "When I came from the surgery he was sitting guarded in the waiting room. When I told him we had nearly lost Uthanath he broke into tears. He's a nervous wreck."

"At least he regrets."

"Yes. But it comes a bit late."

I sighed. Elrond foamed is hair and is body impatiently, still tense. "How would you have reacted if you had once, very unexpectedly, found Gil-Galad in bed with another lover?"

He pierced me with a sharp look, but I held it easily. Therefore he turned away and seemed to think. "I would have ran away," he said, slowly stroking his chest.

"You would have been horribly shocked. So was Harodeth - probably."

"But why did he stab instead of run?"

"You said there was an argument. We can't tell before we know what it contained. It is horrible what he did. But don't be too quick in judgement. Let us see what interrogations bring up."

He stood under the spray and rinsed his hair and body. Then he turned the water off, wrung out his hair and sighed. "I know why you are my chief advisor," he said, smiling at me.

I smiled back. I felt very comfortable with him trusting me. And realised he was the first who had ever won my trust.

He walked by me and I followed him into his sleeping chamber. I like the way he arranged it. It has some smaller and wider angles, rafters beneath the cross-vaulted ceiling and the bed is placed in a corner on a pedestal you can reach over three broad steps. Here you can feel Elrond's sindarin blood. Sindarin mostly like to have a cosy little refuge, sleeping in high trees or at least with the back against a wall. He opened the wardrobe and searched it. I stepped up behind him and looked over his shoulder. His wardrobe was definitely not boring. Nearly all colours were to be found. But only one attire in blue. And silver. I reached out and pulled it slightly out. Yes. It was exactly the same I had. The attire of the personal royal guard. But I had been an assassin, and he had been the royal herald.

When I turned I realised shocked that he cried. He was dressing in burgundy robes, and whilst he closed the lacing, tears ran down his cheeks.

My hand reached out for him. I had seldom savoured bodily contact. But now I had the desire to place my hand on his shoulder and squeeze it.

"You still have not dealt with it?"

He only shook his head, wiping away the tears.

I pointed around. "No reminder of him. It is as if he had never existed."

"I can't stand it. You probably know I have his sword, some of his books, his jewellery. Once I had it openly in my chamber. But I couldn't bear it. It only reminded me of what I have lost. I miss him more. I suffer more. I had to put them away." His gaze travelled over to a chest in a corner. So they were there.

I took a deep breath. "Elrond. Don't do this to yourself. How dare you suffer so much? He wouldn't want that."

"I know. But I can't change it." The tears flowed now freely whilst he vacantly stared outside through the window.

"Elrond. Listen." I grabbed his shoulders and turned him towards me. "You're mistaken. He is not dead. No elf can really die. He's a pure soul, as far as I know never did wrong. He's presumably long in Aman. And the elves are leaving these shores. Your saviour probably lives here under your very roof! You know it, Elrond. The time of elves is over. Círdan waits for us. Only some more centuries and you'll be reunited with him! Come on, shine! Be happy! Look forward! Count the days! You will see him again! In the undying lands!"

His wet eyes shimmered and he stared at me blankly. I shook him awake. "Elrond? Have you understood? It is only some weeks by ship that separate you from him. He's waiting. Probably missing you just as much as you miss him. But I'm sure he sits by the sea every day and says to himself: He'll come. When the responsibility for this world is given into the hands of men, then he'll come. Yes, you will go. We all will go, once it is time. You are still looking back, mourning. Now turn, look forward, and be joyful."

Elrohir realised that his brother was awake. He raised his head to look at him from across Legolas.

"Morning," he whispered.

Elladan smiled at him and reached out to stroke the mass of blond hair that was spread on the matress. "He's so beautiful."

"Yes, he definitely is."

"I don't want to lose him. I hope Thranduil will be merciful with us."

"So do I. But I would do everything for our prince. How should Thranduil separate us? By force? Sending some Galadhrim to take him to Mirkwood again?"

"We would defend him with our lives."

Elrohir grinned. "We would."

Today is a very special day. Again, my hand ghosted over the dark blue tissue. But this time it grabbed it. I pulled the garment out of the wardrobe, folded it and left my chamber. It was early morning. I knocked at Elrond's door and immediately received an "Enter!".

I walked over into his bedchamber and found him standing in front of the open wardrobe. Yes, right, Elrond, very good. He pleadingly looked up at me for courage. And I threw the clothes on the bed, stripped out of my black robes and began dressing in the garment of the royal guard.

He watched me and his lips trembled and his eyes shone with unshed tears. I determinedly set my belt and sheathed the two daggers. Then I closed my doublet, uniting the fife stars in front of my chest. I felt totally exited. The garment still fit me like I had worn it for the last time yesterday. I was finished and looked at him expectantly. And suddenly he pulled his attire out of his wardrobe. And I watched, stunned, as my Elrond, Lord of Imladris, turned into Elrond, First Herald of the High King. And I listened whilst he sang.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There is just so much that time can not erase
If you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears
And if you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
You still have all of me
You used to captivate me with your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along.

He had finished dressing, now he knelt down by the chest and opened it. His tears fell into it when he carefully took out a broad collier, heavy and set with dark blue sapphires. I helped him to put it on. Then he took out a belt and unsheathed a long sword to look at it. Cirth were engraved in it and said: My heart I gave to you. May it defend you against everything that may come. I'm with you.

The words had now a completely new meaning. But they were still true.

He put the belt on, took a deep breath and looked up into my eyes. I smiled warmly. We turned in union and marched out and down into the hall.

Arwen and Estel were already there, and Glorfindel. They all made big eyes when seeing us come like that. Many other elves in the hall turned and whispered. Some of them had seen Elrond in this attire. But probably none of them me.

Elrond sat down heavily on his chair. He pressed his palms to the table and looked from one to the other. Then he suddenly rose and spoke: "Today is a special day. Exactly three thousand and one hundred years ago died Gil-Galad Ereinion, High King of the Noldor. I have mourned his death from then on. But now I delight in saying: He has lived. And I am grateful I could live with him for over a thousand years." Then he sat back and murmured, only for us near him to hear: "I thank you, my shining star, for everything."

And I smiled, nearly mad with glee. My Lord had returned from the dead. >From the dead souls.

We wore our attire for the whole day. Nobody dared to ask us further about the incident. And we dwelled in memories and pride that we had lived with him. We kept our daily routine of work, but our fea was elsewhere. And in the evening, after we had a rather silent dinner, Elrond marched out and disappeared in the mountains. I went back to my room and looked out of the window for a very long time.

He was free now, I hoped. Free of his guilty conscience, free of his pain, his loss, his doubt. And free for love. I guessed he could love again now, whilst it had been impossible for him before. Celebrian had known that. Poor lady. She had married him for her mother. They had been friends, yes, and had children together. But he had never really loved her. Because he still mourned.

Would he now be open for Glorfindel?

I sighed sadly. But accepted. Should they love. I wished for them both to be happy. And when no one loved me, then I could hardly demand love. And if I was doomed to be alone for my whole life, so be it.

"Elladan! Did you know that?!"

"What?"

"That Ada... well, missed the High King so much? He was so different today. Different from all I have ever seen of him before."

"Yes. He must have really..."

"...loved Gil-Galad."

The twins looked intensely at each other. "Do you really think...?" asked Elladan, though he felt the same way.

Elrohir nodded. "I... believe so. Elladan! Gil-Galad has always been a taboo around him. Nobody ever spoke of him when around our father. To avoid hurting him."

"But... our nana!"

"I don't know. I really don't know. We'll have to talk to him about it."

Glorfindel couldn't stand it any longer. The last days had been even more torment! This horrible stabbing incident three days ago had brought Erestor and Elrond even closer together. They were doing everything together, it seemed to him. They talked much in private. They shared long looks. They held council and judged together. And then the strange celebration of Gil-Galad? Where did Erestor get that attire at all?

Glorfindel was ready to go mad.

It was very difficult to explain why his desk was smashed. Things like that usually don't simply tumble over and break into tiny shreds. But Elrond had bandaged his broken hand and like that he had received at least a little bit of his attention. Glorfindel threw himself onto his bed and cried like an elfling. He simply couldn't suppress it. He felt so miserable. His Lord turned him down for that snappy snake of an advisor! And he had loved him for centuries, not getting more than friendship whilst he had longed for more, so much more. And now Elrond threw himself at Erestor, though Glorfindel could swear the advisor didn't even love him! Erestor looked so calculating. He didn't worship what he had! And Glorfindel knew he would carry Elrond on his hands! Elrond would get everything from him. And Erestor? What could he possibly give?

I closed the book in which I had written. One day after.

Elrond had probably returned late in the night. And this morning he was pretending nothing had happened. But it was obvious that something had changed. He was happy. Utterly and completely happy. But someone else was not.

"Elrond?" I stepped into his part of the study and closed the door behind me. He looked up and smiled, and I realised the hint of sadness had left his eyes. They sparkled and stormed. I had seen that before, yes, but only before the battle of the last alliance.

"Elrond, what is wrong with Glorfindel?" I asked. His expression immediately darkened.

"I don't know! He is completely out of his mind! He seems to be sad, disappointed. The desk this morning... he smashed it. With bare hands. Something enraged him horribly and when I bandaged his hand he was close to tears. I have never seen Glorfindel cry before, this is really scary, I tell you! I urged him to confide in me what's wrong with him, but he doesn't tell me."

I thought hard. Could it be he was jealous on me? Did he think I stole Elrond away from him? That would be possible. Woe, he must really love our Lord to make him react so violently! But that meant that he would never speak to Elrond about it. And he was dangerous for himself. Dear Elbereth, I had to do something!

The twins came to their father's private chambers that evening. He smiled warmly and greeted them with a hug. "My dear sons. You probably have some questions, I guess?" He gestured at them to sit down on his couch and he sat across from them.

The nodded simultaneously. "Yes, Ada. May we speak freely?"

"Always and concerning everything."

"Good. It is about... you and nana. Did you love her?"

Elrond sighed deeply. "Nay and yes. We were friends. We shared our bed. But when you mean a devoted, all-hearted love, I'm afraid I have to admit no." He swallowed. This was probably hard for his sons to take.

"I always loved Gil-Galad and I still do. I still mourned his death when I married Celebrian. And she knew. She knew that she married someone whose heart didn't belong to her. I had warned her. But still we shared affection and trust. And I suffered greatly from her abuse and departure. You know that."

The twins looked at the floor and nodded slightly.

"Are you disappointed in me?" asked Elrond carefully.

They looked up at him. "Why didn't you tell us earlier?" asked Elladan.

"I didn't think it would be wise to confront you as children with it. I'm sorry."

"You look forward to go to the havens, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. There are many on the other side who I want to see. But you will come with me, won't you?"

"Of course! But... will the sindarin come, too?"

Elrond laughed. "Legolas, you mean? They can, if they want. But it is not yet time for it. My sons, savour the time that is given you here. And so will I."

I did something completely new for me. I knocked at Glorfindel's door in a friendly way. I had never done that before. Never dared, out of cowardice. But now I did. I had let him go, had given up on him, and suddenly I could approach him. I could talk to him without snapping and snarling. And I even went to help him with his lover's grief.

I knocked again and finally heard a faint: "Yes?"

I simply walked in. Glorfindel's rooms were large and comfortable. I stepped into the living room, but he was not there. Instead I saw several - empty - bottles of miruvor on the table and floor. Ugly.

I went over into the sleeping room. Arg! I barely kept myself from drooling. He lay sprawled on his bed, clothed only in a sparse loincloth. His body shimmered in the gloom of the evening and his long golden hair, thick and fluffy, was spread across the mattress behind him. He still held a bottle halfway filled with miruvor in his hand and looked tiredly up at me. I saw he was already far gone.

"Erestor? What do you want?" he slurred.

"Glorfindel! You look horrible! What do you do to yourself?"

"I try... to drown..."

"I'm afraid you could succeed when you go on like that." I wrenched the bottle from his hand. He watched me with dull eyes and protested feebly.

"Hey, I need that!"

"No, you don't. Gods, Glorfindel, to become so drunk as an elf needs quite a couple of bottles." I grew scared when I looked into his eyes. They were unfocused and dim.

"Glorfindel, come with me immediately." I hauled him up and he wavered on his feet.

"Where... going... oh, I'm sick."

"Very well." I pulled him into his bathroom. "I think you better relieve yourself of the miruvor still in your stomach."

"What are you saying? *Burp* I'm happy I managed to keep it down... at.. all..."

No longer.

I held back his hair and steadied him when he emptied his stomach. Gods, he must have drunken horribly much! What a luck I had decided to look after him! His muscular body tensed and shook. He was a sorry sight. I fetched a washcloth and soaked it with cold water, then washed Glorfindel's face. He wasn't even able to avoid me.

Since he was soaked in sweat and his skin flushed with heat, I decided to give him a shower. It would ease his torment. "Come. I'll help you."

He stumbled under the spray. Blessed be Elrond for his genius architecture. I turned on the tap and he winced and yelped when the cool water hit him. "Cold!" he gasped.

"Yes, very refreshing," I said whilst slipping out of my outer robe. I stepped up to him and washed him determinedly.

Gods he is beautiful. His body so muscular, so finely shaped. His skin soft and slightly tanned. He is tall and I guessed he could nearly weight twice as much as I do. Uh, his nipples stood out from the cold. So enticing, little dark rosy buds. I bit my lip. What a pity I couldn't have him.

"Get off of me!" he wailed, "I don't want help! Leave me!"

"Calm down, Glorfindel! What is it that torments you? Elrond and me? Forget it. I don't love him."

His eyes grew wide and I realised with shock that there was an unmistakable hint of aggressiveness in them. And he was not in control of himself... "I know!" he snarled, "You use him!"

"What?!"

"You don't love him but he falls for you!" His hands were clawed now and he looked as if ready to jump at me. I had to protect myself! This guy is able to kill Balrogs!

"No, Glorfindel! You're wrong! He doesn't love me either! We never were intimate with each other!"

He gazed at me dumbfounded. He really was a sorry sight at the moment.

"You know, I'm old, Glorfindel. I fought in the Battle of the last Alliance. I only denied my past because I didn't want to be a fighter anymore but a scholar. Therefore I didn't tell anyone. But Elrond accidentally found out. And then I changed and half returned to my old self. I was in Gil-Galad's services. We have a past together and spoke about it, that's all. I promise you can have him, if he wants it." Suddenly he smacked his own forehead and immediately cried out in anguish because he involuntarily had used the broken hand for it.

"Manwe! We really have to get you sober again, Glorfindel. Now come with me."

I led him back to bed, covered him up carefully and cleared away the bottles and fetched him water to drink. Thereby I discovered a tin with cookies in the living room and took it with me. Glorfindel fumbled his sore hand when I came back. "Are you in pain? Is the bone rebroken?" I asked and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Don't know," he mumbled. "But it's alright! Don't fetch a healer. Shall not... see this. Why are you here?"

Big blue eyes looked up at me. Gods he is so sweet. How can one being so old, reborn and a fierce warrior still look so innocent?

"I was concerned for you. The desk incident this morning, your sadness the last days... I thought I better explain things to you before you harm yourself. It was a bit late, but fortunately not too late. Here, eat. It will perhaps help detoxificate you."

He obediently ate the cookies I offered him. I would have loved to kiss him. But I only squeezed his shoulder.

"Feeling better?"

Oh Valar, I received a beaming smile! Directed at me!!!

"Yes, thank you."

"Glad I could help. Can I leave you alone now? Will you sleep and not attempt anything else?"

He nodded. "I'll try."

In the state he was in I didn't doubt he would sleep very peacefully. I smiled at him and rose. "Good night then."

"Good night."

I left with a mixed feeling of joy and fear. It had been very pleasant to be with him without arguing. To even see him naked and be able to touch him. Yes, very pleasant indeed. I was very grateful for my loose, wide robes at the moment.

I shortly thought about telling Elrond, but discarded the idea. Glorfindel wouldn't want that. And he would have to tell his Lord about it himself. Perhaps he would finally admit his feelings openly.

Glorfindel kneeled in front of me, his big eyes looking up at me. So beautiful in his surrender. The collar around his neck fitted him very well, especially since I had the leash attached to it in my hand.

Unfortunately only a dream. A very pleasant, torturing dream. I sighed when I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. But I was glad I didn't feel miserable. In earlier days I had always suffered from such dreams because I saw in them what I could not have. But I realised I had learned from the words I had told Elrond myself. Don't look for the things you don't have but savour the thing you can have. And I was confident I could make friends with Glorfindel now, after I had stopped being horribly tense and nervous around him. Yes, glee, very good.

Glorfindel didn't show up for breakfast, but I guessed that it would happen. He must have a terrible hang-over by now. Elrond however was anxious about it of course, and when we reached the study he told me so. But I calmed him down.

"I was with him yesterday. I think I know what troubles him, but I may not tell you. He has a reason to stay in bed today. But please, give him a bit more time. I hope he will confide in you, soon."

Glorfindel groaned when he rose - very slowly. He stumbled over into the bathroom and had a cold shower. What had that been yesterday? Had Erestor really been here or had delirium only feigned him images of him? He guessed so, because the advisor had been very friendly and helpful yesterday. That couldn't possibly be the real Erestor. Still, the bottles were no longer scattered all about his chambers but collected on the sideboard. And he hadn't been in the state to manage that any longer, had he? And the tin with the cookies... it all seemed so real!

He decided he had to stay in his rooms when he looked into the mirror. He simply looked horrible. But how should he explain that to Elrond? And he was hungry. But he risked to be recognised when slipping into the kitchen. Damn. Never again miruvor.

When Glorfindel failed to show up for the supper, too, I decided to look for him. Who knew? Perhaps he needed help!

I collected a meal for him on the plate and took a carafe with fresh fruit juice with me, then went off to his rooms.

Very strange, thought Elrond. Erestor was different, and yet not so different. Still he was calm and skilful, but there was an energy, determination added to his actions that hadn't been there before. Self-confidence that he had missed in his advisor for long. And he cared for Glorfindel. Why? He had obviously hated the seneschal before, so why did he suddenly help him? Was that a change caused by the assassin, too? Perhaps the assassin respected the warrior in Glorfindel or something like that?

Anyway, Elrond was glad that Erestor took care of Glorfindel. His children offered themselves to look after his seneschal, too, but he didn't really think they could be of help. He put all his trust in Erestor. Hadn't he said that Glorfindel would eventually come to him by his free will?

I knocked at the door of Glorfindel's rooms. I heard rustling and the bathroom door open, then a faint: "Who's there?"

"It's Erestor."

"Oh! Come in!"

I entered and caught him leaving the bathroom. He had probably planned to hide there, pretending he had a shower or whatever in the case I had been Elrond. I smiled at him. "No need to hide. Here, I brought you something to eat." I placed the plate and the carafe on the low table in the living room. He had tidied up here, the bottles and mess he had left were gone. He had tried to tend to himself, too, but you could still make out signs of distress in him. He had dark circles below his eyes, his gaze was dull and he was overly sensitive to noise. He eyed me mistrustfully.

"Why do you do that?"

I comfortably settled in his plush chair.

"I changed my mind. As I said yesterday." I gestured for him to sit, and he finally did and began greedily devouring the meal.

"I have been an assassin in service of Gil-Galad," I explained and was surprised how easy it was on me.

Glorfindel stared at me in open shock. "Why have you never... ah yes, you wanted to begin anew you said yesterday?"

"Right. I didn't want you to expect things of me the assassin could do. But in the night of the twins' birthday, I fell asleep on the desk in the study and Elrond carried me to my room. There he realised the daggers on the wall carried Gil-Galads emblem. And questioned me about it. That set loose the old Erestor, the assassin, and he for example ventured out into the caves."

"Oh! I had wondered what strange change had befallen you! And now? Who are you now?"

"I'm by now both, the scholar and the... well, I wouldn't like to call it that, assassin. of course I don't kill anymore. But that was my education in those days. I spied and killed in secret behind the enemies' lines."

He worked on that quite a while. Then he gulped down the whole interior of the carafe at once.

"Right. And now you decided to stop snapping at me, too?"

I felt a bit hurt, but nodded. Well, he was right in a way, wasn't he?

And my hurt was blown away when I received another genuine beaming smile. "Very good!" he said, "I think that will ease both our lives. I will try to be less arrogant around you, too, I promise."

I laughed and he looked at me bewildered. Oh yes. He had probably never heard me laugh before.

But finally I sobered and looked at him intensely. "Elrond wonders what's wrong with you. What will you do?"

"Oh Valar! I don't know. I fear his rejection, I feared it ever since I fell in love with him and therefore never dared to tell him."

"It is hard to live like that."

"Yes. Yes it is." He hung his head. Poor lad. I would like to comfort you with my hand on your chest, rubbing those pretty rosy nipples I had seen yesterday.

But soon you will go to Elrond, and you're beautiful and kind and will be out of my reach then for ever. Well... perhaps not for ever, I thought, considering my Lord's desire to see Gil-Galad again.

Very suddenly Glorfindel stormed into Elrond's study.

"My Lord!"

"Glorfindel?"

"I would like to talk to you in private."

Elrond immediately rose. So Erestor had been right - as always.

"Of course. Where shall we go?"

"To your rooms, perhaps? They're near."

They walked in silence, but Elrond already sensed that Glorfindel was nervous and tense. So he poured them both wine when he sat down with him in the privacy of his chambers, yet Glorfindel didn't touch his goblet. He sat stiffly, his hands folded in his lap.

"Glorfindel, what is troubling you? I lived in concern for you for days!"

"My Lord, I have an admission to make. I fear your reaction, but I can no longer keep it to myself."

"Tell me, Glorfindel."

"I love you." There, he had managed. He had planned to speak quicker than the doubts could stop him.

He looked into his Lord's eyes and already realised his feelings were not answered. Slowly a sad smile spread on Elrond's face and Glorfindel wished he would be swallowed by the floor.

"I know you don't love me back," he stuttered, heart-broken, "But I finally had to tell you."

Elrond took a deep breath and leaned back. "I feel honoured by your feelings, Glorfindel. I do love you, but not in the way you seem to wish. I cherish you as my friend whom I trust, my companion and seneschal. I tell you, you really are lovely, beautiful above all, graceful and kind. A wonderful mate, indeed, and everyone could be happy to have you. But my heart still belongs to someone else, Glorfindel. I have never ceased to love Gil-Galad and I'm now looking forward to be reunited with him when we all finally set sail. And therefore I'm not free to give my heart to you. I would gladly do, if it weren't for him that I can't."

Elrond watched in helpless shock when glittering tears ran down Glorfindel's motionless face.

He quickly leaned over and captured the handsome face between his hands. "Forgive me, Glorfindel! Believe me, I would have gladly been your mate, if I would have been available. But how things are I fear you must get along without me as a lover. But please, Glorfindel, don't be hurt! Give up on me and look for someone else. The last thing I want is you to be sore for the rest of your life."

Glorfindel nodded and abruptly rose, then fled.

Elrond sighed and massaged his forehead. Oh what a horrible thing! His Glorfindel so deeply hurt by him! But however he turned, he couldn't see a way to avoid it.

Later that day the twins came to pay him a visit.

"Ada? What is wrong with Glorfindel?" asked Elrohir concerned. "We saw him today, running towards his chambers, and he cried!" added Elladan.

Elrond sighed. "He is in a bit of a sensual turmoil. I involuntarily caused him hurt. I hope very much he will recover. But he needs time to heal. I hope this won't affect you. Please, be very kind with him now. Try to cheer him up when you feel you can do it without annoying him. But I believe it is better you grant him some private space now. Don't pressure him into telling you what's wrong, will you?"

They nodded serenely.

"Ada?"

"Yes?"

"May we ask you something?"

"Of course."

"How can we ensure we don't hurt Legolas?"

"Oh! I'm glad you ask me that. I assumed you already had your first time with him."

"Yes, we had. But we want to be sure to make it right."

Elrond smiled at them openly. "Very good. Well, the most important thing is that you always lubricate him well before you penetrate him. Never invade him dry! You can use nearly everything that has a creamy consistence. Oil is best, or a salve, saliva in the emergency, or semen. Water doesn't do. Then you should prepare him thoroughly in the beginning. First enter him with one finger, massaging him, then two, then three. That is mostly sufficient, but when you want to be sure he is soft enough, enter four fingers to the second knuckle and he'll be ready.

"And yes, a trick with that. You have perhaps already found that out by yourself. But when you crook a finger upwards you will find a nub in him, a hidden gland. It is his prostate. It is very sensitive to touch and will bring him much delight. It mostly is the key to an orgasm for the penetrated partner. Massage it lightly and he will relax, hit it with your erection and he'll come. But always be patient. Never force. And don't use too much energy, the prostate is very sensitive and in your case can become inflamed. In his probably not, but you can still cause hurt and damage when you squeeze and handle it too roughly. That is all you need to know, I think. In any case he is hurt, don't hesitate to seek me or another healer out. Every other thing is open to your creativity. Feel free to explore."

His twins smiled shyly. "Has no answering come yet from Mirkwood?" they asked.

"No, but I expect it to come soon."

"We hope he might stay."

"He is always welcome."

I sought out Elrond in his private chambers in the evening, having gone on stair-case-training the whole afternoon. I already felt the steely muscles of the assassin return.

"Elrond?"

"Erestor? Come in."

Elrond sat on his balcony and I sat down beside him. I guessed Glorfindel had told him and wanted to know what the outcome was. But seeing his concerned and regretting expression, I guessed something had went wrong.

"How was the day?" I asked, picking up a tasty plum from a plate on the table.

"Glorfindel approached me. He told me he loved me. Did you know that?"

I laughed bitterly. "Have you been blind for his attempts, Elrond? I have observed him for centuries and guessed at it. But yes, I knew for sure since yesterday."

"I turned him down."

I was very sorry, but my hea

~~~~~~ The Things You Need To Know Are The Ones I've Never Said by BJ Malata ~~~~~~

The Things You Need To Know
Are The Ones I've Never Said
by BJ Malata