The Things You Need To Know
Are The Ones I've Never Said
by BJ Malata

So this is it. It's been half an age.

I tried to merge with the shadows. I hate parties. I hate merry people, laughing and flirting. I hate them because they won't return to their rooms alone. And I hate them for nearly all of them try to court the object of my long subdued desire. I walked over to the hearth of the hall of fire, watching the flames instead of the ugly teasing and dancing.

Oh yes, I know I was in a very bad mood. But parties always do that to me. Still, I owed this one to my little ones, who were not so little any longer. They just reached majority and this horrible feast was given to celebrate the fiftieth birthday of Elladan and Elrohir. I involuntarily turned slightly to have a look at them. They were positively stunning and I chided myself for even being jealous of them. Stop that, you stupid old brain. They are not responsible for your misery. That is you alone... mostly.

My eyes caught him again and I nearly choked on my expensive wine. Oh he was so disgustingly beautiful. He shone like the sun and lit the dim hall with his pure soul. He was casually speaking to one of the Lorien elves, what was his name? Haldir, I think. The Lorien party just arrived that day because they were caught by a storm. But I already had had the joy to be introduced to Haldir, the captain of the Lorien guards. Galadriel and Celeborn seem to like him. I don't understand that. He's an arrogant slimy brat. Oops. Damn, stop chiding! That day not even I could stand myself. I felt the turmoil in me raging, a mixture of jealousy, damnation and love. A pretty ugly thing.

I slowly turned back to the fireplace, leaving him to his flirting with the long-nosed Lorien guard.

Oh no. I caught a glimpse of a maiden from the corner of my eye who looked as if she was considering to approach me.

I quickly went away to avoid the embarrassing situation of turning her down. It had once happened that one poor young maiden had approached me on another damn feast I hadn't been able to deny. I had already been broiling with jealousy, self-pity and anger and it had been quite unpleasant to finally leave the hall with all elves' eyes on my back for I had cursed her in orcish. That had been a really horrible slip and I had to punish my surroundings with four days of absolute silence before they stopped asking me about it.

But since I had nowhere to go, I ended up on the balcony. And soon enough the stupid, tarty... stop now! I wished I could shut down the cursing part of my mind. The... nice and innocent young lady, quiet beautiful indeed, cornered me and smiled shyly at me as a beginning to a hopeless task. I tried hard to keep my temper. Really, it is not this girl's fault!

"Master Erestor? Would you grant me a dance?"

"I'm sorry, my lady, I'm not available." There. That was unmistakable. Or wasn't it?

"I don't see someone who would mind," she said, sheepishly looking at me from under long lashes. Yes, girl, you're impossibly sweet... to someone who likes that. I don't. I prefer tall, muscular, strong, sinewy, blond, blue-eyed... Erestor! Stop that! "I don't think it is your right to decide that," I growled, already much less friendly. Her invitingly pursed lips thinned. Then she sighed, as if she wanted to tell me: I gave you a chance! And stalked away. Bah, I hate this, I hate parties, I hate girls, I hate Lorien guards, I hate...

"Erestor?"

I abruptly turned, nearly spilling my wine. And I would have snapped at anyone at the moment, would have perhaps even slipped back to orkish or whatever, but not with him. Not with my Lord. Elrond's eyes were patient and understanding.

"Please, Erestor," he said softly, "Calm down. Nobody wants you harm. Will you come back in for the meal?"

My heart clenched and I felt as if I crumpled to dwarfish size with my Lord looking down at me. Suddenly all venom was gone from my voice and all hate blown away. Instead came fear. As always when I was forced to be near him in public. I always embarrassed myself. I simply couldn't help it. I suddenly became clumsy, dumb and stupid all at once. And the guests must have a quite strange impression of me, since in all Arda was told that Erestor, the chief advisor of the mighty Lord of Imladris, was always fierce, composed, his mind sharp and his tongue even sharper.

"I... can't..." I whispered. There was no one else around and I was thankful for it. My Lord's understanding smile stubbornly stayed on his face.

"Why?" he asked softly.

"I... simply hate parties. All this... I don't mean it offending, Elrond, but I hate this glamour, this glee and stupid acting. I'm not made for this. I can't be happy."

Now a slightly concerned look crept into the stormy grey eyes. "Oh, Erestor. I very much hope you can. I at least thought the library makes you happy, and your work and home here..."

"Yes, yes, that's alright. I can be happy, but not here. You really hit the point. I'm happy in my study. I'm happy with my work. So please, let me be there. I don't want to go back to the throng. Please?"

I was begging like a little child. But he was my Lord. He could order me to come. But he only sighed. "As you wish. But will you at least manage to come back later, when the meal is over and the worst crowd dissolved? Elladan and Elrohir would be disappointed otherwise, I think."

I nodded, though my desire was to shake my head. But yes, he was right, I should not show such disinterest into the twins. Only it was not that I was uninterested in them, I only hated... so much about this. I bowed. "Thank you. I will come back later."

"Good."

And I left the cursed crowded hall, and with every step the air seemed to become more refreshing, the heat less suffocating, the fear less cold. I took a deep breath when I finally closed the door of my beloved study behind me. Here I was safe. This was my lair, my cave, my stronghold. Here I could block at least a part of my hurtful feelings out.

I let myself fall into the plush chair behind my desk with a sigh and lit the candles. Work. Papers. Ink. Very good. I took a quill and gave me another shot of my drug.

It had become quite late. But still at least a hundred elves were scattered about the hall of fire, chatting and drinking. And still Elrond could see no sign of Erestor. He sighed. The chief advisor had a rather strange attitude towards feasts. Every other elf enjoyed them as much as he could, but Erestor stubbornly suffered from them as much as he could. Elrond couldn't really understand but he respected his old friend's feelings. Yet this time he had promised to come back.

They sat in a comfortable round on couches and plush chairs. His daughter was beside him, next to her sat Galadriel and Celeborn. Estel had retired after he had realised he couldn't stand too much of the potent wine yet. Glorfindel was comfortably sprawled on a divan to his left, and across from him were seated Elladan, Elrohir and the prince Legolas.

Elrond smiled at them. Legolas was sitting in the middle and had one hand of each of the twins on his thighs. They had become close friends and Elrond was happy with it. He felt honoured that Thranduil had allowed his son to come, since the fragile relationship between Mirkwood and Rivendell was still young. But though his sons seemed happy and well occupied with the prince, he missed Erestor's presence.

He rose. "Excuse me for a moment."

Elrond wandered down the corridors. They were mostly empty, but he heard the life going on behind the heavy carved wooden doors. He grinned a bit to himself. Time for another round it was. His sons' had their fiftieth birthday, his Arwen was twenty-four and now it was baby-time. The elves had begun to co-ordinate the births of children for their sake.

You could be pretty lonely when you're the only child of a certain age. So the couples who wanted children would plan to have them at a similar time, that way the children could grow up together. Such things were necessary with a race of such a low fertility.

When Elrond reached the study, he entered without knocking and smiled about the image he saw. Erestor lay on his desk, his head resting on one arm, the other hand still holding the quill.

Elrond carefully tiptoed around the desk. But Erestor didn't move and his black eyes were vacant. The Lord of Rivendell wondered what he should do. Erestor definitely needed sleep, but it was probably not very comfortable in his current position. Deciding to try to put him on the couch in the corner, Elrond put away the things that had gathered on it and carefully slung his arms around the slim form of his chief advisor. Slowly, very slowly he lifted him and carried him over to the couch.

Erestor stirred and growled, but he didn't wake. Therefore Elrond decided he could dare to take him to his rooms. Erestor's chambers weren't too far from the study, in the third floor of the north wing. Elrond gathered his chief advisor close and walked out into the deserted corridor. He made it to Erestor's rooms and cursed when he found them locked. Crouching down he searched Erestor's robe and found the key.

He unlocked the door and carried Erestor over to the large four-poster. He knew his chief advisor hated it when other elves were in his chambers. But Elrond had already seen them and therefore thought it wouldn't be that bad. He placed the sleeping elf on the bed and covered him with the soft velvet blanket. Erestor munched satisfied and clutched at it. It wouldn't be that comfortable to sleep in those stuffy robes, but better than the desk it was at least.

Elrond smiled to himself and rose. He looked around. The high windows were open, letting the cool late summer breeze in. On the wall above the fire-place two daggers were shimmering in the dim light of the stars. Elrond walked over and took a look at them. He somehow knew these weapons. They were old. A brand was on them.

Elrond froze when he recognised the emblem. It showed five silver stars in a circle on a blue ground. The Lord of Imladris took a very deep breath. He knew his chief advisor even less than he had thought. Polite as he was he hadn't pressed Erestor into telling where he came from when he had shown up in Imladris over six hundred years ago. Erestor had seemed familiar, but he was very remote and didn't talk about his past by his free will, so Elrond didn't pressure him either.

But now he had found daggers bearing the emblem of Gil-Galad in his possession! He turned and looked at his advisor, who was sleeping peacefully, in wonder. How did he came by these weapons? He had to ask him in the morning, though it would mean he had to admit he had looked at them closely. Erestor would be angry with him, he knew how sensitive the chief advisor was about his privacy. But this was too important, and too late to block the memories out. The beautiful face with the high cheekbones, the strong jaw, the finely curved full lips, the glittering blue eyes...

Elrond swallowed hard and quickly left. But though he desperately wanted to go to his rooms to be alone, he had to go back to the hall to see his sons and explain his leaving to them.

When he entered the hall he was relieved to find Galadriel and Celeborn were just about to retire. That was a good chance to make it out of here, too.

"My sons? I'm sorry to leave you, but I'm tired. Would you be angry with me if I go to bed?"

Two pairs of grey-blue eyes looked up to him and beamed. "No, Ada, it's alright. I think we'll go, too."

"Thank you. Have a good night."

"You, too."

Musing, Elrond wandered back to his chambers. When he had closed the door, he walked out onto the balcony. He looked up at the sky and his heart grew sad. There were clouds and he couldn't even see his shining star. He had to relieve his pain in a deep sigh.

He still missed him so much.

Eventually he turned back and undressed. The room was silent and lonely. He loosened his tight braids and combed his hair. Gil-galad had loved to watch him when he had done that. But now there was no one to watch him. He climbed into the bed that stood on a pedestal in a corner of the room, and caressed the mattress beside him. No one there. So long grown cold. He closed his eyes and tears ran down his temples into the mass of dark brown, nearly black hair.

He still hadn't dealt with his loss. So suddenly had it come, so impossible had it seemed to him that he could survive it. But he had. And sometimes he cursed the Valar for it.

I awoke with a start from a horrible dream containing a certain warrior and snapped up to sitting position. I was... in my room! But I had been in the study and I wanted... or rather, had to go back down to the hall... but it was already morning. How did I come here? Did I suffer from amnesia?

I rose and found I still had my robes and even my shoes on. My hand slid into the inner pocket and found the key was gone. Who dared to...? My gaze fell onto the nightstand and I saw the key lying there.

I muttered under my breath, undressed, quickly bathed and put on fresh clothes. I brushed my hair and closed the collar of my black robe around my neck. Ready. Now get yourself going, you're already late. I locked the door up behind me and rushed to the study. But Elrond was not there. So down to the hall, as it seemed I was not that late after all.

But damn it, there they were, all already seated and eating. Even Estel had made it back to his feet. I couldn't go there now. Instead I went to the kitchen, fetching a frugal breakfast before strolling back to my study.

I sat down with a sigh and looked at my work. What was that? A letter not finished? Even stopped in mid-sentence? And the quill was lying around on the table instead of being neatly stuck into the holder? A faint realisation dawned on me. I had fallen asleep. Someone, most probably Elrond, must have carried me to my rooms. Most hopefully Elrond! There was not much I hated more than people in my private chambers. They didn't belong there. They were my refuge. And Elrond was the only one who had ever been there.

It was not that bad if it had been him who had brought me there. Valar what an embarrassing thought, he had carried me through half the Homely House! Cursed be it! Why hadn't he simply woken me up? Why hadn't I simply woke up? I should have!

Elrond was a bit at unease at the breakfast table. He had woken in the morning with a dreadful feeling of emptiness in his heart. It was a feeling he recognized, it having often greeted him after sorrowful dreams of his shining star. But though it had been his companion for centuries, it still frightened and nearly suffocated him. The thought of the daggers with the emblem of the High King in Erestor's rooms troubled him. And now the chief advisor didn't even show up for the meal!

Arwen touched his hand. "Why so gloomy, Ada?"

He tried to smile. "I'm sorry. I was thinking."

"You should not think about things that make you unhappy today."

I can't simply stop thinking about him. I tried it for hundreds of years and didn't succeed. "Yes, you're right." He finished his tea. "I'm wondering where Erestor might be. I will go to look for him. He's normally never late." His guests nodded and he rose and left.

Skyblue eyes followed his every move.

Elrond knocked at the door of Erestor's rooms. No answer. "Erestor? Are you in there?" Still no reaction. Trying the handle he realised the door was locked again. So Erestor was up and gone. He knew where to find him.

The door opened and my Lord entered the study. I looked at him suspiciously and he seemed to feel somewhat uncomfortable. Now, I may be angry at you, I thought, but I don't have a reason for it, so don't you dare to be sorry!

"Good morning, my Lord," I said to make up for my cold glare.

"Be greeted, Erestor. Have you slept... um, well?"

"It was alright, though it became a bit hot with robes and blanket." Snappy again, huh? Sometimes I hate myself. But I simply can't change it. I am cranky. The world was nasty to me, and now I am nasty back. Unfortunately it always hits the wrong person. To be undressed by my Lord would have been the last thing I wanted.

"What happened? Did I fall asleep here?" I quickly asked to cover my snappiness.

"Yes. I went to fetch you when it was after second hour. And found you sleeping on the desk. First I only wanted to put you over onto the couch, but it is rather short and to my surprise you didn't fully awake. So I carried you to your rooms. I'm sorry. I know you don't like to have other people in your chambers. But I really didn't want you to spend the night on the desk."

"It's alright. Thank you. I hope the twins are not angry?"

"I don't think so. Why didn't you come to have breakfast in the hall?" Elrond pointed at my empty plate.

"I was slow and didn't want to come to your table late."

He sighed and smiled. But there was something sad and still something uncertain about his smile that seldom occurs in my fierce Lord's grey eyes.

"Is there something wrong, Elrond?" I asked to help him.

He slowly nodded. He stood leaned against a bookshelf, arms folded in the wide sleeves of his dark scarlet robe, and he looked down to the floor. By Morgoth, what haunted my Lord to make him look like a scolded elfling?

"Erestor... I never pressed into you to tell me where you come from or how old you are. But I must admit that I realised where the daggers on the wall of your chambers belong when I was there yesterday. I'm very sorry to have penetrated your privacy like that, but it really troubles me. You know, I was a very close friend to Gil-Galad..."

First I fumed, but then my anger about the unpleasant realisation that someone had found out turned into amusement. He really didn't know where to put me. My smile, a rare thing to be seen on my face, betrayed me and he looked at me in wonder. "What is it?"

"I know, Elrond. I know how close you have been."

Now his wonder turned into stunned amazement. "Did... Did you fight in the battle of the last alliance? When I first saw you I had the feeling I already knew you..."

"Uhm... yes, I did fight in the battle, in a way. But Elrond, I would rather not speak of it."

"Why? Oh, sorry. I do not mean to pry. Forgive me, Erestor, but I can't undo the realisation I have made. Now I know you had something to do with him, my curiosity is peaked. Please, if you can manage in any way, tell me more. Is it that bad that you don't want to tell me about your past?"

"Valar forsake, no! It's not that I have done something wrong in the past. Don't fear to have a monster or murderer or whatever you think I might be in your services. But.. I needed distance, too. I wanted to make a new start. I have been someone utterly different to the chief advisor you know. But I didn't like who I was and I wished to change my life. To make a fresh start I left everything behind that could press me back into the shape of the past. I didn't tell anyone who I have been before because I want you to know me how I am now, here." Uffa, quite a long speech for me. And damn it, I didn't like that a part of my past had been revealed!

Elrond slowly nodded. But I saw he was not satisfied. He only held back for my sake. Dear one, it would have been better for you if you'd never found these daggers.

Elrond noisily shut the door of his study. It was connected to Erestor's study and they normally left the door open. But the Lord of Rivendell surely couldn't stand the hissing and cursing at the moment.

Always the same. It was always the same. As soon as Glorfindel showed up, worst of all in Erestor's realm, his sacred study, the chief advisor turned into a hissing and snapping snake. And Glorfindel answered him with curses and shouting. Sometimes they were really unbearable.

Elrond slumped into the chair. Three days had passed since the feast of his son's majority. The Lorien party had left this morning and slowly normal daily work returned. And the inevitable daily hissing session.

Elrond massaged his temples. He hadn't slept well for days, dreams of the past haunting him and taking away the peace of mind he need for his work.

Eventually the door opened and Glorfindel sneaked inside. "I'm sorry, my Lord. I didn't want to disturb you." He placed the reports of the patrols on Elrond's desk and bowed. "Can I help you somehow?"

"Knock me unconscious."

"My Lord!"

"Sorry, it was a joke, a bad human joke. No, it's alright Glorfindel."

The Balrog-slayer felt he was being dismissed and left.

Yes, bid for forgiveness, flutter with you long, dark lashes very beautifully, shake your long, wavy golden hair when you turn and now finally get going. I can take no more! I was ready to bite the table. How he flirts with our Lord! I hate it, I hate to see how he loves another and not me, how he tries his best to please him and meanwhile shouts at me. Glorfindel, you don't know what I could give you! I would make you happy, I promise!

Unfortunately I just made him angry - once again. Like every day. I sometimes reminded myself of a wild cat. They also scratch and bite the tom-cat though in reality they want nothing more than him. But it is kind of a self defence with me. I couldn't stand to have him play with me. I couldn't bear to let him close to me. If I allowed myself to show my feelings, I would lose my disguise and would lay myself open. And I have learned to never do that. I don't want to crawl in the dust before him. Or swing my hips like he does for Elrond.

Ohhh, argh! It drives me crazy! Sometimes... well, often... always I want to bite this enticing muscular ass, I would love to know how it feels, how he'd squeak and buck and what he'd taste like. No. Don't. Don't work yourself into another wave of self-pity.

The last time I did that I cried every night for months, Glorfindel, dammed months! Many cups of tears for you to drink, but you rejected them. Wrong. I didn't even offer them to you. You were happily heedless of me, my longing and my pain. I hate you, Glorfindel, I love you.

It drives me. It drives me out. My wrath boils in me. Surely this will turn me into an orc. I already hiss like one and finally I will be reigned by hate and despair, too.

Suddenly I rose and I didn't even knew what I was doing. Why was I leaving? I had work to do! But my legs didn't listen. They simply ran away with the rest of my body in tow. To my rooms. And they only came to a halt in front of the fireplace. I looked at the daggers. They seemed to call me. Come, let me clutch thee... I took a deep breath and stretched out to take them off the wall. Their weight, their shape felt familiar in my hands. I stepped back and swiftly, expertly flashed them about me.

The graceful and familiar dance of the blades promptly slit the sleeve of my robes. Damn! They were not made for this. Suddenly I felt suffocated by the tight, high collar. I ripped it open, and then my hands ripped the whole robe off of me by their own command. I felt ... frightened. How could a part of me that I had long hidden come to the surface so quickly? Sweat broke out on my forehead. A battle raged within myself, the calm cranky advisor in his shapeless robes fighting with the slender assassin in his leather armour... well, guess who won. The poor advisor landed on his face within seconds.

To my utter shock a cry broke loose from my throat and I rammed the daggers into the pile of wood for the fireplace in a death stroke, one from below, one from atop. My breath hitched and I felt nauseous. No. I didn't want that. I let my fingers fall from the hilts. Never, ever kill again. The words whispered in my brain as I sagged down onto my dropped robe.

Poor body. You look like a skeleton with a lair of chubby dull white skin. Hello? Are there no muscles anywhere? What? In my right forearm? Fine! At least!I rose and cursed myself for my frightening outburst. Strange how quickly things can overcome one.

Elrond tried not to watch. But when Legolas flinched for a third time this evening and his cheeks grew very rosy, his hand slapped the table of it's own accord. "Stop that!" he snarled at both Elladan and Elrohir who were sitting on each side of the prince.

Both looked up at him with innocent big eyes.

Impossible, simply impossible, he thought, They just reached majority and suddenly they behave like teenaged humans! He had watched this play for days. Every once in a while little Legolas plush lips' escaped a breathy yelp. It made him even angrier. How could this Mirkwood princeling dare to be so horribly sexy in the Last Homely House?

Glorfindel's dull smile seemed to tell him to calm down. Erestor ignored the childish play completely. Elrond sighed. So this was what he had from his son's majority. Gracious gods.

I made it to my chambers just in time. My breath hitched and I was drowned in sweat. Damn, what was going on?

I changed. I felt it. Damn feast, damn sleep, Elrond, my chambers, my daggers, leave me all alone! Now you have set loose a whole cage full of long imprisoned emotions.

I opened the collar of my robe and walked to the balcony, breathing in deeply. I felt rage in me. Determination. Energy. I realised it was impossible for me to cling to my old - no, my new - self. The advisor was dead. He had lost the fight against the assassin and to my total horror the latter one had taken over control over my body.

It was midday and I had told Elrond I wanted to have a walk outside after the assassin had constantly tugged at my long robe saying: You're a poor picture of an elf, can you move a bit at all? Or will you be exhausted after half an hour of running? You crumpled sad figure, you weak, frightened whisper, you unattractive, cowardly... that had been enough. I had risen abruptly and excused myself.

Now I was here, back in my refuge, and I was still not safe for the danger constantly followed me. I could hardly get rid of myself. He poked me in the ribs. Get going, he said, do something.

I went over to my wardrobe and opened it roughly. I looked inside. Everything was black. Black velvet, black silk, black cotton. And... black leather. Only one, one single attire was not black. It was blue and silver. And had hung there untouched since I had taken it out of the bag with which I had come to Imladris. Over six hundred years ago.

My hand ghosted over the fine, thick satin of the silver shirt and the stuffed cotton of the blue wrap. But I jerked back and suddenly my hand instead grabbed the soft leather of a much different attire...

Elladan and Elrohir knocked at the door to the prince's chambers. "Who's there?" they heard a small voice.

"The twins!" they said.

"Come in."

They walked in and didn't found Legolas in the main room. But suddenly Elladan pulled quite energetically at Elrohir's sleeve and pointed over to the bathroom. They both gaped.

The prince was standing in front of the large mirror and was seemingly studying himself. His white-blond hair was unbound and hung around his head like a mane.

He was completely naked.

He shot the twins a shy smile. They immediately set into motion and halted on each side of the prince, their eyes glued to the perfect pale body.

"Legolas... what do are you doing?" asked Elladan breathlessly.

The prince smiled again timidly from underneath thick dark lashes. "I'm asking myself... if I'm beautiful..."

The twins gaped a little more and than broke out into eager positives. "Quite so...," "Stunningly so," "No one is more beautiful," "You're blessed with the most beautiful body I've ever seen..."

A pleased smile lit the young sindarin's face. "Thank you so much."

But he didn't make a move to dress again but shot the twins meaningful glances. Elladan was the first to stretch out a hand and carefully touch the prince's shoulder. As soon as his brother's eyes widened in bliss, Elrohir followed his actions and lovingly stroked the shoulder turned to him. The clean skin felt like velvet and Legolas smelled of forest, mist and earth.

The prince let the following caresses happen with a satisfied smile on his face, and the twins watched in astonishment as his slender cock stirred and rose.

"You like that?" asked Elladan. The answer was a content purr, and it was enough for them.

In no time at all they ended up in the bed together, the twins rid themselves of their clothes, too, and all three explored each other, first only stroking, caressing, but soon kissing and licking, too.

Legolas lay back and let himself be cared for by two curious, inventive quart-humans. It was bliss to have both your nipples sucked at the same time, to have one hand tickling the side of your neck, one massaging your ass, one cupping your balls and one languidly stroking your member. It didn't take him long to come.

The twins watched in awe when the slender prince suddenly clenched, bucked and groaned very prettily. When he had calmed down, they both kissed him on his cheeks. "You're the most beautiful thing we've ever seen," whispered Elladan.

Glorfindel walked into Elrond's study, stunned. The Lord looked up at him questioningly, arching his eyebrows. The sky-blue eyes focused on him and he saw real confusion in them.

"What is it, Glorfindel?"

"Do you know where Erestor has been today?" asked the Balrog-slayer.

"He wanted to have a walk. Why?"

"I think I just met him in the corridor to the north wing. But I'm not sure. He wore no robes!"

"What? He walked around naked?!"

"No! No, by Manwe, of course not. But he wore trousers, leather, all black, yes, but it was something more like a rider's outfit. I talked myself into believing I was mistaken, but now I see he is not in his study, so I guess it was him after all!"

Elrond thought he would have loved to see Erestor like that. Perhaps he could have recognised the clothes.

"And he was leaving a wet trail on the floor," Glorfindel babbled on. "His clothes dripped. Did he go swimming in leather clothes?"

"Probably not. Perhaps the riddle will be solved later on."

But when they met again in the hall that evening, Erestor was completely his old self, with stuffy shapeless black velvet robes and composed attitude. His hair was slightly wet, though...

Yet Elrond barely had time for him, for he had to slap the table every five minutes to get his son's attention off of Legolas, who was blushing and yelping now nearly constantly after being poked and stroked under the table.

Arwen was eyeing her brothers mistrustfully and finally the whole thing snapped when she turned to her father and innocently asked: "What are they doing, Ada?"

The twins lost themselves in a fit of giggles, Estel quickly hid his grin in a cup of tea and Glorfindel seemed to find the birds outside suddenly very interesting. Fine, be there to baby-sit my children when they are little and cute but leave me with them when they grow adolescent and very, very uncomfortable.

But Erestor turned towards Arwen and nonchalantly said: "Ask your brothers, Arwen, they will know best."

The giggling on the twin's side immediately stopped. Cocking her head Arwen now looked at them expectantly.

"We, er..."

"We are savouring the advantages of or majority," said Elladan ready-wittedly. Arwen pouted and Elrond quickly interfered before the twins could corrupt his lovely daughter's morality with too many details.

"Do as you must, but I tell you, you better stop doing it that obviously." Hopefully the stern look was enough to make them reasonable.

Dumb warrior, why were you looking at me like I had grown a second set of arms? You only met me in my assassin clothes and soaked wet, is that a reason to stare like that? And then Elrond this evening!

I crawled into my bed and cursed the whole world - as usual.

"Where have you been, Erestor?" As if I was his child. But alright, I told him. I was in the caves. Behind the Bruinen. Then I promptly received that arched-eyebrows look.

"It's dangerous there."

"Humph."

"I don't want you to go there alone, Erestor. You could slip and fall and nobody would know where you are."

"Unfortunately there is nobody who could come with me. The caves become quite narrow and no one of Imladris can stand that. None of the Sindarin and only few noldor can stand it. I don't know anybody who could come with me."

"I can't allow you to venture deeper into the caves alone, Erestor, it is much too dangerous!"

I sighed. "Elrond, there is no-one to come with me and you can not forbid me anything."

Eek! That one was nasty. Erestor, stop enraging your Lord! "I'm, sorry, Elrond. I didn't mean it. But I would really like to explore the caves!"

Another arched-eyebrow look. Sometimes I fear his eyebrows will stuck like that. Perhaps it wouldn't even look odd. Yes, wonder about me, look at me as if you don't know who I am. You do not know who I am, remember? And it is your fault that the old Erestor was set loose!

"Find yourself a companion first," he said, his voice cold. Yes, punish me with your anger, my Lord. Right. I bowed and left and now I'm here and feel miserable. Beside that there is no elf other than me who can stand the tight passages of the caves, I don't want a companion! I want to be alone. Damn.

A thousand and four-hundred sixty five... sixty six...sixty seven. Yes, right. That works. Oh, I loved Imladris. The number of stairs is high, the house wide. I believe I could hurry around with a few heavy books in my arms all day long and nobody would realise that I was going nowhere as long as I avoided to meet people more than twice. When I came back to my rooms I threw off my robe and went to have a nice cold shower. Oh, I felt wonderful. I didn't realise I had missed to move so much. How much I had missed when not moving. Old agility came back to me, the joy of physical work. Very well.

"Ada's not pleased!" said Elrohir, munching on a strawberry he had just picked out of Legolas' navel. But he didn't address the prince but his brother, who was lying on the other side of the Sindarin beauty and nibbled at the sensitive pointed ear.

"He can't tell us what to do," mumbled Elladan, obviously not interested in the matter. "We're adult now."

Elrohir observed how his brother's hand wandered between the long slender legs and massaged Legolas' genitals. The pretty prince reacted immediately by sighing and groaning. He was so beautiful and so eager! Yes, they wanted him, both wanted him, and he wanted both of them.

Elladan dipped his fingers into the cream standing on the nightstand and then pushed his index finger into Legolas body. The prince yelped and bucked. His eyes grew wide in shock and his already hard cock twitched. Elrohir sighed and leaned back. He was not entirely sure if they should do this, going against his father's will. But Elladan seemed determined, and so did Legolas.

The poor little prince drew his legs to his body and spread them wide. He was looking like seduction in persona. And Elladan could obviously not withstand him, drawing back and adding a second finger. Elrohir shortly saw unease and pain flashing in the wide blue eyes of their little prince. But then he went on moaning and writhing.

Elladan massaged him, guessing what they had to do. All three of them were completely inexperienced in this and Elrohir feared they would hurt the pretty princeling. But Elladan mercilessly added a third finger and massaged the virginal opening further. "He's damn tight!" he whispered. Elrohir bit his lip. He had the feeling they should not do this.

"We'll hurt him!" he warned his brother, "And Ada would be the one who would have to take care of him! And he would not be pleased!"

"Oh El, I want him! I can't stop! And... every male lover had once his first time and survived it."

He scissored his fingers wide and Legolas threw back his head, sending his long hair flying, and groaned heartbreakingly. But his erection still stood firm and he willingly spread his legs. He wanted it, too. Still Elrohir wasn't sure if he knew what he was asking for.

But Elladan seemed determined. He slid between the inviting legs and lay down atop of Legolas. The prince immediately entrapped him with his arms and legs. Elladan took a deep breath and pushed. But he paused, feeling the strong resistance of the guardian ring. His courage faltered and he drew back. "He's so tight!"

Legolas writhed and pleaded quite prettily. "Take me, please, I will manage!" he babbled and desperately pulled at his poor leaking cock.

Suddenly Elrohir shoved his brother aside and positioned himself. He quickly covered his hard cock in more cream and then grabbed Legolas tightly. He looked deep into the dazed blue eyes. "I will take you now. I will. All right?"

The princeling pushed his sinewy body against him and nodded frantically. And Elrohir gathered all his courage and pushed, hard. He felt how the muscle ring clenched shortly, but then he was able to breach it and enter the velvety tightness of Legolas body.

The thrust ripped a shocked scream from Legolas' throat, but he clutched at Elrohir madly and rocked his hips. Elrohir kissed him fiercely and set a steady rhythm of careful thrusts, spiralling them into a wonderful orgasm. Elrohir felt the body beneath him convulsed, rhythmic spasms massaged his cock and he watched when Legolas made a hollow back to intensify their contact and shook his head, whipping his hair from one side to the other. He was stunningly beautiful in his raw, lecherous lust. And sent Elrohir over the edge, too.

"I don't know where my sons are. But I won't tolerate this any longer." Elrond rose from the dinner table and left Estel, Arwen, Lindir, Erestor and Glorfindel, to fetch his twins and the similarly missing prince of Mirkwood.

Angrily striding through the corridors he halted in front of the door to his son's chambers in the south wing. He raised a hand to knock when a sound stilled it in mid-air.

A hoarse cry erupted from within and shortly afterwards was followed by rhythmic groans and wails.

Elrond paled a bit. His sons were occupied with other thing, yes, quite occupied... He swallowed. Whoa, he hadn't expected them to be that straight forward! Suddenly he realised how precarious the situation was. Thranduil had entrusted his son to him and would retrieve him back as a rutted, morally corrupted being! Turned into it by his twins!

Elladan watched fascinated when both his brother and the prince came, nearly in union. Afterwards they slumped boneless into the mattress. He left them some minutes to recover, but his own aching need was demanding release, too. And finally he poked his brother's shoulder and Elrohir sleepily slipped off of Legolas, creating a heartbreaking whimper when he pulled out of him. Elladan carefully probed Legolas opening. "Are you hurt?" he asked.

The prince lazily shook his head. "I don't think so. I feel wonderful." He realised Elladans weeping erection and encouragingly lifted his hips. "Go on. I'm all soft and relaxed now. Ready for you."

Elladan sighed and sheathed his cock into the willing body. Yes, it was much easier now and it felt wonderful! He only needed a couple of strokes to come and spilled his seed into the warm, eager body beneath him.

The whole table felt how the cloud of the Lord's bad mood settled comfortably above us and started to rain heavily, once in a while sending down lighting and thunder to whom ever dared to talk to Elrond. I arched a questioning eyebrow at him and received a muttered: "The twins."

That was all I needed to know.

Later I met Elrond in the study. The Lord was writing furiously, then stared at the paper, suddenly crumpled it in his hands and threw it into the cold fire-place, where quite a mass of such crumpled papers had already gathered.

"Have they done it?" I asked directly.

"I suppose," growled Elrond.

"Why does it make you angry?"

The Lord sighed and slumped back into his chair. "It is Legolas. They could have chosen any other being and I wouldn't have minded. But to deflower Legolas under my very roof is a very dangerous thing concerning the young and fragile relationship to Mirkwood. Thranduil will not like to hear of that."

"It is not your responsibility."

"Of course it is! The king entrusted his son to me!"

"He is not really harmed, is he?"

"Well, hopefully not."

"And I think that little Legolas is much less innocent than he tries to look. He is a sexy little slut." Damn! Shut up, assassin! Elrond looked at me as if he had thought me incapable of such words. I stayed motionless.

"Well, yes, in fact, he is..."

"So it is his decision. Who are you to question those young elves' will to spend their time together? And now don't tell me they are too young to know what they do! The twins just turned fifty a few days ago and Legolas is already fifty-six, though he doesn't look like it."

"I don't think Thranduil would see it that way."

"That's not your concern."

"Of course it is! I'm Lord of Imladris! And we haven't made so much effort to built up a friendly relationship between the two realms only to have it smashed up by my overly-eager sons!"

I only smirked. Looking at the futile attempts of my Lord trying to write a letter to Thranduil to explain things, I knew exactly what to do.

"Elrond, I have a plan. Listen."

Soon, very soon in the morning there was a fierce knock at the door. Legolas shot up from his light sleep, waking both twins on his sides.

"What's it?"

"Come back down, Lasseg-nîn!" (my little leaf).

"There was a knock at the door!" The princes' nervous statement were followed by the stern voice of Glorfindel.

"Come out there, boys. You two are to come to the study immediately."

The three young elves bit their lips simultaneously. "Oh, oh."

The twins sneaked inside nervously. I grinned at them and pointed at the door to Elrond's part of the study. They pouted at my obvious amusement and tiptoed over into the next room. Soon I heard Elrond's mighty voice.

"Ai, my dear sons. Please, sit. Listen, I will not dance around the subject at hand. You've slept with Legolas and I will not interfere with that at all. It is by now your decision who you bed." I could nearly feel the twins' half relief. But they felt their father wasn't finished yet.

"But I have one condition to make. Thranduil must know this. I give you a week, no, six days. In six days a messenger will go to Mirkwood. And he will carry a letter of yours or Legolas in which you explain your relationship to him. As Legolas' father he has a right to know. Considering the fragile state of the relationship between Mirkwood and Imladris I will not risk to be accused of keeping secrets from him. It could ruin everything. So you will tell him, or otherwise I will forbid you to meet with Legolas in a private way."

I practically heard them gulp and some moments later they sneaked back out, very uneasy.

I snorted and went back to work. But soon Elrond stepped up to me and smiled. "If I didn't have you, I would have spoiled them completely," he said.

"Perhaps. You must stop now to take the responsibilities from them but otherwise let them savour the freedom of their majority. They must learn to act adult, too."

"I hadn't thought you could be so strict with them."

"I can, if necessary," I stopped the talk before it grew too intimate.

Poor Elrond. Now he tries to reach me but I can't give away more of me. I'm sorry, my Lord.

It's been three days since the incident with the twins. I tried to work in my study as normal. But it drove me again. Out. Out. Through the ravine. Behind the waters. Into the caves. I had a guilty conscience, yes, but I guess there really is no one in Imladris who could come with me.

I slipped through the gap I had found the last time and reached the small hole in the wall. I hadn't gone through it, yet. It was very small, perhaps two spans in diameter. But I dared it. I didn't panic when in closed rooms. I'm Noldo, and old. I determinedly slipped through the small hole, leaving the world outside.

"Glorfindel? Do you know where Erestor is?"

The Balrog-slayer seemed to think. "The breakfast was the last time I saw him."

A feeling of dread and urgency crept into Elrond. He didn't like that. Erestor had left the study at noon, but now it was around fiftieth hour and he still wasn't back. Elrond had tried the kitchens, the library, even the bathhouse, but Erestor was nowhere to find.

"I will look for him in his rooms." He strode out into the corridor and Glorfindel followed him.

"I didn't even knew he lived here," mused the warrior when they reached the north wing.

But the door was locked, as Elrond had already feared. "Erestor!" he shouted, but there was no answer.

Realisation dawned him.

"Glorfindel, try to find someone who is not afraid of enclosed rooms! Quickly! I fear he has gone to the caves."

"But you were in there, too..."

"No, deeper! I don't dare to go through certain narrow gaps, either, but he does and I think he explored this unknown part of the caves! The twins won't do, we need someone who is really immune to claustrophobia. Hurry!"

Glorfindel was immediately alerted by the urgent tone of his Lord's voice and ran off. Elrond strode to his private chambers, quickly shed his robes and dressed in more practical clothes. Then he collected some items for first aid and ran back down to the main hall. He impatiently waited for Glorfindel to meet him there and finally the Balrog-slayer came with Curuwen, a noldor smith woman.

"Curuwen, be greeted. Has Glorfindel told you what this is about?"

"Yes. I already fetched ropes and we can go now."

"Very good."

The three went out and Elrond guided them to the main entrance of the caves behind the falls of the Bruinen. "I don't know where he is. There are five main caves, I think. And I fear we have to search them all. I can't go too far, I'm afraid. I'm not resistant against claustrophobia, so I will take the second cave, I know it to be rather wide until the end. Curuwen, please take this one, it is tricky. Glorfindel? Can you do this?" He realised his seneschal was a bit pale, but nodded anyway.

They quickly searched the first three caves, but found nothing. So they went to the last two, but they seemed to be empty, too. Only the right one had a gap where you could possibly go through that Elrond didn't know. Curuwen determinedly pushed herself through it, whilst Elrond already nearly panicked from the view alone. "Be careful!" he shouted, "If Erestor has hurt himself it must probably be a very dangerous cave!"

"The gap ends in a rather spacious round cave," was the answer from the other side.

"No one there?"

"No."

Elrond's heart sank. Had he been wrong? Had Erestor perhaps only been on a walk in the forests and they searched him here in vain?

"But there is a hole in one wall!" shouted Curuwen, "Hidden behind stalagmites." She crouched down to examine it. It was probably wide enough to slip through. She shouted: "Erestor? Are you there?"

I could hear them. I heard faint voices. So finally they come. But who should be able to rescue me from here? The hole is impossible to pass for anyone else, let alone Elrond. I wanted to answer, but my flank hurt horribly and my breath was so short I had nothing left to shout with. Dread filled me. I only hoped they would not give up! But no one could know for sure where I was. Only Elrond could guess. Oh please, Aule, take their fear away and let them go on!

Curuwen concentrated her eyes in the dim light of the flickering torches. Yes, there where faint scratches in the soft, wet chalk stone.

She quickly rose and turned to the gap. "He's been here! I think I found traces! I have to go through the hole!"

"How big is it?" asked Glorfindel.

"Two spans."

Whispers on the other side.

"I'll be right back. Don't let her go though alone! We can't afford to endanger her, too!"

Glorfindel rushed out.

"Curuwen! Wait for us!" shouted Elrond, "We'll come to aid you!"

"You can't manage, my Lord. It is really small!"

"Wait. We are coming." And Elrond took a deep breath and forced himself to shove himself through the narrow gap. It left him heaving and with wide eyes when he was finally through and sitting on the floor of the larger cave behind it. And some minutes later, Glorfindel forced himself through, too, and brought tools with him, a hammer and chisel. They were all already sweating and heaving from stress and the wet warmth in the caves. Glorfindel knelt down and began to widen up the hole. It was relatively easy, for the walls were mainly of soft chalk. And finally he managed to make the hole at least three spans wide until he met hard granite.

"I'll go," he said to Elrond, "You must be ready to tend to him, he will probably be wounded. Wait here."

"Give sign in at least half an hour, alright?"

"Yes, alright." Glorfindel inhaled deeply to calm his panic, lay down flat on his belly and crawled through the horrible hole. All that stone around! It nearly suffocated him! But he had to manage. They couldn't leave Erestor in here to die! If he was still alive at all...

Glorfindel was relieved to find the cave widened remarkably when he made it three meters down the long tunnel. The cave was crowded with thick, ceiling-high stalagmites and the floor was covered with sharp, pointy little stalagmites. But that left only one way that was passable at all.

Curuwen followed straight behind him when they explored the silent, warm cave. Everything was wet here, the air nearly dripped with water. And the smooth spaces of stone were slippery and slimy with chalk-dust.

"Erestor?" shouted Curuwen when they had managed another ten meters.

And suddenly they heard something click to their right. Both elves' heads snapped to the position were the sound came from and they harked.

"It must be him!" whispered Curuwen, her eyes wide with tension. "It was a small stone or something, perhaps he can't speak for a reason! Careful now! Let us secure ourselves." She slung her rope around a strong stalagmite, the only thing they could use. Glorfindel did the same and they carefully approached the place. There was a slope and beside it was a deep gap on the right. And scratched traces on it. The slope was wet as everything and it rounded down with nothing to hold to.

"Grab my feet!" said Curuwen. Glorfindel lay flat down on his stomach where the floor was still even and tightly clutched Curuwen's ankles, while she crawled down the slope with her upper body. She raised a torch with one hand and looked down into the gap.

Finally. Light. Voices. They call for me. But I can't shout. Not even speak. With shaking hand I grabbed a pebble and weakly threw it upwards. It was silent for a while, then there was more whispering and finally I saw a face appearing above me on the cursed slope that had sent me sprawling.

"He's there!" Curuwen shouted. "The gap his perhaps four meters deep. But there are many rocks and he looks really bad. He seems to be conscious, but he can't move nor speak. You will have to hold the rope whilst I climb down, the stalagmites are not strong enough to support my weight."

Glorfindel pulled her back and then found a place were he could sit with his legs propped against a massive rock. He held the rope and Curuwen carefully climbed down into the gap. She found footing and then ground and knelt down beside Erestor, who lay on his right side, one leg at an odd angle.

"How are you hurt?" she asked and tried to examine him, but she wasn't familiar with such things. Erestor could only mouth words. "Rib? Rib broken? Oh Valar! And the leg, yes, that I see." She stood and shouted up to Glorfindel: "Go tell Elrond we found him! He has one or more broken ribs! And a broken shin! I could use a splint here to stabilise it! Ask Elrond what we need to do when we lift him out of here!"

"I understand! I'll be right back!"

Glorfindel rushed back to the hole. "Elrond!" he shouted through it, wanting to avoid going through if not necessary.

"Yes?!"

"We found him. He's gravely injured. Broken ribs and a broken leg. He can't speak. Curuwen is with him, he lies in a gap, nearly four meters deep. Curu said she could use a splint to steady his leg."

"Valar! He has broken ribs and can't speak? They must be smashed into his body! This is horribly dangerous!"

"What shall we do?" There was a pause and Glorfindel guesses his Lord considered coming in. "No! You stay there! Elrond, the last thing we need is a panicked elf in there! We'll make it, only tell us what!"

"The ribs should be stabilised. But no, I can't allow you to do that. It is difficult and it could kill him if it's done wrongly. Here." He threw rolls of bandages through the tunnel. "Use an unlit torch as splint! We must hurry, I can't fetch you something else. Listen: He has probably not moved at all yet, and you must not touch his broken ribs! Turn him on his other side if possible."

"I'm afraid Curuwen will have to carry him in her arms."

"Oh, horror! Then tell her to turn his injured flank from her. There must be no pressure to it at all! If you can, bandage it lightly, but don't mess up with it if you need to undress him first, then better leave his clothes on. Avoid pressure and intense concussion! That's most important! Bandage his leg with the splint and tell her to carry him as stretched out as possible!"

"All right! Now calm down, Elrond, we'll make it. I'm off."

Glorfindel crawled back.

"I have bandages here! I throw them down where the rope still lies!"

"Alright."

"Curu, I'll find myself a secure position to pull you up now, then I'll have to unlit my torch. It will have to do as a splint."

"Alright."

Glorfindel told her all the other things she needed to know as he positioned himself. Then he unlit the torch, cooled it against the wet stone and threw it down, leaving himself in nearly complete darkness.

I felt I was nearly fainting. The pain in my flank was horrible when the woman, Curuwen the smith I think, turned me over. I gasped and fought for breath. My ribcage seemed to be much too small at the moment. I clenched my teeth when she moved my leg to bandage it together with the torch. She quickly examined my torso but seemed to decide it was better to leave my tight leather doublet on. Then she crouched down to my left and carefully lifted me. If I could I would have groaned. The pain was fierce and nearly took the rest of my breath away. Valar, was I thankful that Curuwen is a smith! She could hold me and herself with the hand of the arm beneath my legs to the rope and the other was free to support my upper body. My broken leg screamed at me if I was insane to let the foot pull at it like that, but I screamed back: Sorry, I'm busy at the moment surviving!

"Ready! Pull, Glorfindel, but not too quickly!"

Glorfindel? Damn, why did he have to be here? Oh! Argh! I gnashed my teeth when we were set in motion. Curuwen held the distance to the stone wall with her feet, holding me steady with her strong right arm. I felt like it took us hours to make it to the slope. I realised, frightened, that Curuwen was panting and grimacing from the strength she needed to hold on to the rope. Oh please, don't let go!

"Quicker, Glorfindel!" she groaned. "I can't hold on any longer!"

The rope was immediately pulled harder and we finally were at the slope. Curwen was on her knees and I slipped to the floor. Ouch. I fainted.

"Help me! He passed out! Glorfindel!!"

Glorfindel couldn't let go off the rope yet, but he crawled nearer to her on his knees. But he couldn't reach her without risking to lose his footing and let them all slip back into the gap.

"You have to make it, Curuwen!"

"My hand, my hand!"

"Curuwen! Change hands! Can you hold him with the other one? He already lies on the floor, you only have to keep him from sliding down!"

Glorfindel's heart skipped a beat seeing her fighting with the rope and the lifeless body. Eventually she managed to grab the rope with the right hand and to steady Erestor with the left. But there was no way around it, she couldn't gather him into her arms now and she had to pull him across the floor by the left arm. But finally she managed to reach Glorfindel.

The Balrog-slayer took Erestor in his arms and Curuwen climbed over him to help him up to even ground again. They finally managed, but Curuwen had to climb back down to fetch the burning torch and Glorfindel had to hold Erestor and the rope at once. Fortunately, with both hands free, Curuwen was quick and soon back up with the light. Together they made their way back to the hole.

"Elrond! We're here! We have him with us, but he is unconscious by now."

"Does he bleed from his mouth or nose?" was the frightened shout from outside.

"No."

"Thank the Valar! Now, fold the ropes, lay him down on them and one come over here to bring the end of the rope's folds here."

They understood and folded the two ropes four meters long. Then they very carefully lay Erestor down on his back on them and Glorfindel took the rope's ends and slipped back through the tunnel, blocking out his rising panic. When he reached the other side he found Elrond soaked in sweat and nearly mad with fear. But together they carefully pulled at the ropes, dragging Erestor with them. Curuwen followed right behind and they managed to get the unconscious elf through the tunnel.

Elrond was shocked to see him. He was deathly pale and completely motionless. He quickly opened the leather doublet and his hand slipped to his advisors hurt right flank. "Three ribs are pushed into his body. Thank the Valar they haven't pierced the lung! He would be dead by now. I can't help him here. We must get him out."

All three of them looked at the gap. It was too narrow to carry him through and had no real floor but was only growing narrower at the bottom. "We can do it together," decided Glorfindel. "We have to carry him on our hands, above our heads. One hand to hold him, one to drag ourselves forward." The other two nodded.

Elrond bound the advisor's legs together and then they carefully lifted him up above their heads. Glorfindel was going first, carrying the motionless elf's upper body, then followed Elrond and finally Curuwen. They fought to get through, sweating, cursing, and stumbling, but they made it.

"Finally!" sighed Glorfindel, when he was out in the bigger cave. The other two gave Erestor's lifeless form into his arms and he gathered the injured advisor close, carefully avoiding pressure to his right flank. Now they could at last move more swiftly. And whilst it had taken them one and a half hour to get Erestor from the place of the accident to the outer caves, they now could hurry down the banks and rifts to the valley ground within minutes and reached the Last Homely House.

Curuwen ran before them, alerting the healers in the healing wing. Everything was ready when Elrond and Glorfindel reached the operation theatre. Glorfindel placed the frighteningly cold form of the chief advisor on the operation table and then quickly retired.

As soon as he had reached the corridor, his legs gave out.

"Lindir! No. 43, three ribs broken and pressed in, the leg broken, we have to hurry, he can hardly breathe!"

Elrond hurried to bind his hair back and wash his hands while two healers were carefully undressing Erestor. The broken leg looked horrible, but he wouldn't tend to it yet. The ribs were most important.

Lindir had fetched the numbing slave No. 43 and spread it without pressure on the area of operation. Then he did the same on the broken leg.

"Lindir, I need you here. Curubamba, Idhor, tend to the leg! It's probably been over three or four hours since it was broken!"

Elrond took a deep breath and inspected the broken ribs closely. When the salve had worked its numbing qualities, he wiped it away. Though elven immunity was strong, he disinfected the area and then began his work with Lindir assisting him.

He felt he was being carried to a near resting room and a goblet with strong miruvor was held to his lips and he drank greedily. By the gods. So much stress and exhaustion!

He shook his head and slowly rose into a sitting position. Curuwen was sitting across from him in a chair, also drinking miruvor. A healer stood alert, watching him. He held his hands up. "It's alright, I'm fine. It was only a bit exhausting and frightening to pull a nearly-dead elf out of a dark, warm, wet cave. I'm sorry I passed out, it was not my intention."

The healer nodded and left.

"That was ugly," mumbled Curuwen and watched her hand. The skin was ripped and sore and the healer had applied a healing salve and had bandaged it. "How did he come to crawling around in the cave alone? How at all? I always thought he was not the adventurous type."

"Not at all. But something strange is going on in him lately. I hope Elrond can tell us more afterwards." There was a knock at the door and a moment later Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen rushed inside. "Glorfindel! What happened?" "Is uncle Erestor alright?" "Where is Ada?"

"Hush, my little ones. Elrond is tending to Erestor. He is injured and will need time to heal."

"You were in the caves?"

"Yes, and I can tell you it is the last time I will be there!"

Elrond leaned back in the plush chair he had placed beside Erestor's bed. Gods he was tired. First the whole search, then the stress in the caves and afterwards the operation. He was through with the worst now.

He had declined his childrens' request to see him and Erestor, his need for peace out weighing all other concerns.

How had his friend come to go alone into the caves despite his order not to do that? He gloomily mused, thoughts of claustrophobia, broken ribs, black leather clothes, daggers and battles in mind.

I attempted to take a deep breath but found I couldn't. Intense pain shot through my right flank, and my ribcage was bandaged tightly allowing me only a minimum of movement. I fought to open my eyes and looked around. Yes, they had made it! I was in the healers' wing. And beside my bed, nearly invisible in the darkness, was a plush chair with a motionless elf in it.

But no, it was the Peredhel, his eyes were tightly closed but his light snoring told me he was not dead but sleeping. I munched my dry mouth. There was a goblet on the nightstand, but I felt too weak to reach for it.

"El... rond?" I whispered hoarsely.

His head immediately snapped up. "Erestor?"

"Yes."

He reached over to the nightstand and lit a candle. I blinked in the sudden light.

"Erestor? How are you feeling?" Realising that was a stupid question he added: "Can I do something for you?"

"Drink..."

He immediately fetched the goblet and held it to my lips. I drank greedily.

"Anything else?"

"How... managed?"

"Curuwen and Glorfindel carried you to the tunnel and we pulled you through on folds of our ropes. I was waiting in the cave between the hole and the gap. I'm sorry I didn't come to help you, but I couldn't. I was nearly dead with panic from the gap alone."

"Not... sorry Elrond... I'm sorry," I breathed with the little air I had. He only nodded. Yes, he was right to be angry at me. I endangered them all.

When they gathered in the hall the next morrow, Glorfindel told everyone everything about the last day's events. Elrond was still drained and exhausted and soon retired. He went to the healers wing and listened to the report of the elf who had had duty that night. Then he quietly knocked at Erestor's door and entered. Surprisingly he found his advisor awake and alert. He was sitting in bed slightly propped up on pillows and his black eyes followed Elrond through the room.

"Good morning, Erestor," said the Lord when he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Good morning, Elrond. I hope you rested well the night?"

"Hush! Don't abuse your injured ribs."

"I'm fine. I am healing quite quickly..."

"And you want to tell me you want to return to your study and go back to work. Erestor, no. You'll stay here for at least four days. I'll check on you regularly. Your wounds are grave and I won't allow you to endanger yourself with your stubbornness. So kindly give up trying."

Erestor pouted. "Not four days!"

"Yes, four days."

"Not here! I want to return to my rooms. I feel much more comfortable there."

"And you're far from my reach and can even lock yourself up and wander around on your broken leg. No, Erestor. Promise me to do what I say. You owe me."

Erestor hung his head. He knew his Lord was right, but his hurt pride drove him again. Yet this time he put up a fight. This uncontrollable desire to go out and do something had nearly killed him the last time. So he reigned it in this time and subdued it.

"Fine. But please, let me return to my rooms as soon as possible. I promise I'll behave!"

Elrond smiled. "I hope so! Now let me examine you. I will take off the bandages, but don't you dare to breathe in too deeply! It may feel very relieving to have your full capacity again, but you're not yet ready to use it."

I suffered it stoically when my Lord pulled down the blanket and took off the bandages. I hate to be naked. I hate to be uncovered in front of others. My poor body shivered when it was exposed. So unhealthily pale, so weak, so skinny. Bah, I hate myself. But that's nothing new, is it?

Elrond carefully probed my wound and my broken ribs.

"Yes, your healing is satisfying. But Erestor, stay in bed! No rising, no walking."

I gnashed my teeth. "Alright."

I hate being ill.

"Dear Thranduil, would you please excuse us, we have deflowered your son, but we meant no offence. He was great and he is gloriously tight and sings quite beautifully when fucked. El, it does not work."

Elrohir bumped his head against the desk. "It's useless. Impossible to put it in nice and honourable words. We fucked him. It's just that. How should we dress it in words that would not enrage Thranduil? We're in trouble."

"And Legolas hasn't been too helpful either. I always fear he'll break out into tears when speech comes to his father."

"He's pretty sensitive, our little green leaf."

"Uhm. We need help with this. Father wants to have the stupid letter in two days."

Their eyes met. "We need something for blackmail. And I already know what," said Elladan.

In the late evening, when I was nearly dead with boredom and the feeling of uselessness, the twins had pity on me. Arwen and Estel had visited me in the morning, but they are not overly entertaining. Very pretty, yes, but still so childlike with their twenty-four and twenty-one years. Yes, I know, Estel already grows a beard, but he is no full human and his mind is still so very young. The twins looked more promising. They carried books and papers.

"Hello, Erestor. How are you?"

"Take care! I'm nearly insane with boredom." They giggled nervously. What is it about me that suddenly makes the people so self-conscious? Before, they were only intimidated by my intelligence and sharp words, but never uneasy like that.

"Then we have something for you." Elrohir put a little table across my middle on which I could work, and they brought me books and reports. "We asked Ada and he allowed us to give you something to work on. It's the trading reports of Gondor." My eyes must have lit up, but over all my enthusiasm I didn't miss the satisfied grin they shared.

"Fine," I said, "Thank you very much. That was what I needed. Now, what do you want from me?"

They gaped at me in shock but I held their gaze easily. Hey, I'm well-known for my knowledge of elven nature. And you're trained on it, reminded me the assassin, who was yawning out of total boredom in the back of my mind. But at least he let me savour the other part of my soul, the scholar, too.

"You want something. How can I help?"

Their mouths closed simultaneously. "Well, you could do us a favour, if you have the time..." stuttered Elladan.

"And that would be?"

They looked at each other for help. Then Elrohir turned towards me. "It's the damned letter! We tried for days to put the contents of "we fucked Legolas" into nice and fluffy words. But we failed miserably. We don't want to ruin what you, Glorfindel and Ada have managed by building up a relationship with Mirkwood."

"And you of course don't want to lose Legolas."

They paled visibly. They hadn't even thought of the possibility that Thranduil could call his son back and would never allow him to see them again. Yes, you are very young, indeed, and there is much you have to learn.

"Boys, I must say the start you made into your majority was not an impressive one," I scolded. "But I will help you. I will think about it. Is Legolas ready to write that letter?"

"Yes. But he has no idea, either."

"Give me time until tomorrow. And promise me to learn from this incident, will you?" They both nodded frantically. Yes, of course. Like you learned from falling into the Bruinen that you can catch a cold - after the eleventh time in Elladan's case and the eighth in Elrohir's.

Elrond felt like banging his head against the wall. When he checked on Erestor the next morning, he found he had worked through the whole pile of papers he had given his sons to deliver to him. And he had thought they would last him until he could leave the bed again! How wrong he was!

"Erestor. Good morning."

"Be greeted, Elrond."

"Are you feeling better?"

"Much. Give me more to work on and I'll be completely healed within the day."

"Don't you dare to leave your bed!" he turned to the daily examination. He felt how Erestor stiffened and looked away and was sorry for it. He knew how the advisor hated to be exposed in front of others. But it really was inevitable. At least he found the ribs had indeed healed quite nicely. But the leg still needed time.

"When may I move to my rooms?" asked Erestor.

"Tomorrow."

"So I may sleep in my bed tonight?"

"That is not really logical."

"It is. If I sleep in my bed tonight, I'll be in my room bright and early tomorrow."

Elrond rubbed his brow. "You're really a horrible patient. I'll think about it."

Erestor sighed. He hated the healers' wing.

The twins sneaked into my room in the healing house in the afternoon. "Do you bring me more work?" I asked, teasingly. "Because I will demand it as payment."

"Oh! Then We're afraid we'd have to ask Ada, and that would probably influence him into declining your demand to be let to your rooms tonight. Whilst we could talk him into allowing it...," offered Elladan.

I grinned. "Sounds good. Now come over here. I have an idea. Legolas must write it. Something like this: Oh dear father, I need your advise! I have this strange feeling always when I'm with the Lord Elrond's sons, Elrohir and Elladan. My heart flutters and my blood warms up. I feel drawn towards them and really enjoy their company. I would like to stay in Imladris a little longer. Would you please allow me? I guess the tone fits him, doesn't it? Whiny and pretty..."

"Erestor!"

"He'd have to play the innocent seduced young elf. What he is, in fact. But this way Thranduil still has the feeling he could interfere, and he'll probably try. But what a pity, when his letter reaches his son, it's already too late!"

"Sounds good," said Elladan.

"But this way Legolas would have to take the blame on himself all alone!"

"Not really. When the second letter is something more like the rough idea you had, Thranduil has enough to be angry at you, too. But most important is that no blame is on Elrond. It makes the impression it was you youngsters decision alone. It was that, really, but it was a bit difficult to explain that. So?"

"It is... not entirely true..." mumbled Elrohir.

"It is true. We never lie in it. But the trick is to keep some delicate things out of it. That is diplomatic skill, my dears. Nothing else."

They took the notes I had made and nodded. "All right. I think it's the best to do. Thank you, Erestor. We owe you."

"You owe me that I can go to my rooms this night."

They swallowed. And quickly made their way out.

But they held their word, or it was by chance that Elrond came to me that night. He stretched out his hand. "Give me the key to your rooms."

It lay on the nightstand. I wrinkled my nose. I hate to be treated like a baby. But I must admit I sometimes behave like one. Still, no reason to take away my key! Muttering I took the key and placed it in his hand. He smiled at me.

"Right. We'll go to your rooms. I'll fetch you clothes and prepare everything. I'll be right back."

Oh no. Not Elrond in my room again! He had already seen enough the first time!

I realised the horrible situation I had entrapped myself in too late. I would have liked to stay in the healing house for five more days better than to have Elrond looking into my wardrobe!

Elrond unlocked the door and stepped into the spacious chambers, taking food and drink with him. Suddenly the interior had a different impression on him. It was held in blue. Strange. You seldom saw blue in Imladris. The dominant colours here were red to yellow. It reminded him of... no. He should not think about it. It would only leave him depressed again.

He stepped up to the wardrobe and opened it. He smiled when he found it crowded with black robes, even black underwear. He fetched a set of clothes, and suddenly a glimmer of silver caught his eye. He pushed some robes aside and his eyes grew wide. There was one attire of blue and silver in there! The only one with colour at all! He inspected it closer and his heart clenched. It contained a silver shirt with nearly invisible silver embroidery, a pair of silver trousers, an ultramarine blue doublet and a dark blue wrap. And embroidered in the front of the doublet were five silver stars in a circle.

Elrond finished collecting he clothes like in trance and closed the wardrobe. He could still pretend he hadn't seen right. It was all a dream. An accident.

Misery, misery. What would happen now? I asked myself.

Nothing, I realised. At least not yet. Elrond looked a bit strange when he came back. And he didn't talk. He simply helped me into the clothes he had fetched, gave me a crutch and helped me up. He stayed at my side as I slowly made my way towards my chamber. It took us quart of an hour to get there with me hobbling along one-legged. Cursed be all these stairs.

Finally I reached my bed and let myself sink down on it.

Elrond had taken food and drink here and had placed it on my nightstand. And he helped me out of my robes and even crouched down before me to take off my shoes.

Ugly situation. I wished it all away. At least he didn't follow me into the bathroom. Bah. I had held back for nearly two days... I hate healers with chamber-pots.

When I finally was lying in my bed, well-covered and fed, my strength was completely gone.

Elrond looked around for a last time. "I hope everything will be alright. The crutch is within reach, but try not to stand. I will check on you early in the morning. You promised me to behave!"

I nodded weakly. Yes, I would. I felt I owed him. "Promised."

He smiled and put the key onto my nightstand. "Fine. Have a good night. Rest well." Then he blew out the candles and left me. Finally alone back in my chamber.

Glorfindel was lying awake that night.

The last days had been torment. He didn't understand what was going on. Everybody seemed to be nervous and irritable. First Erestor was snarling and snapping at him worse than ever before. Second, his Lord seemed stressed, tense. He suffered from something and didn't tell him, that made Glorfindel suffer, too. Then there were the twins and Legolas, making life even harder for their father. And finally the cave incident. Glorfindel pouted and caressed the mattress, subconsciously wishing he had someone special here to stroke.

Elrond had seemed to be very nervous about Erestor's disappearing. Well, of course, he had had reason for it, Erestor had really been in danger. But still it made Glorfindel envious. He hadn't expected Elrond to be that excited if he disappeared. Elrond had nearly snapped with panic. Right, it might have been the cave and claustrophobia. But still, since the twins' birthday party it seemed to Glorfindel that Elrond was much more interested in Erestor than in him. And that hurt him deeply. He had tried so hard, for such a long time, and still Elrond was heedless of his love. But instead he busied himself with the unbearable dark advisor. How could he stand his presence at all?

And the advisor was going through changes, too. Glorfindel had never ever seen him in something different than his black robes. But suddenly he found him in the corridors in black leather armour and he climbed around in that scary caves. He was becoming more aggressive, less hidden. Said cheeky things. That was not the old, stiff advisor he had known. And Elrond seemed to like it. Yes, most probably, that was the reason for it all. Erestor had unbent somewhat and Elrond had fallen for him. A tear full of sorrow and pain escaped a sky-blue eye and wetted the pillow.

I woke, stretching out, and froze with a cry. Uh, that had hurt. My leg throbbed and my flank was in stabbing pain. Bah. Have I already said I hate to be ill?

I carefully reached over to the nightstand and drank of the cold tea. Oh Elrond you're a treasure. There even was a good book within my reach.

When I had read the first chapter there was a timid knock at the door. "Enter!" I called - not too loudly. My Lord came in and smiled at me. "Good Morning, Erestor. How are you?"

"I'm alright. And I didn't rise! I behaved all prettily."

He laughed. "Very well." He placed a plate with breakfast beside me on the large bed. It was all food I liked much. He's so attentive. I was happy I had obeyed his order. I would have had a very guilty conscience otherwise. I smiled grateful when I shoved pieces of dark bread with a sharp herb cheese into my mouth. He had brought himself tea, too, and sat with me until I had finished my breakfast.

Elrond was staring at the floor though, seemingly lost in thoughts. I guessed he had in fact discovered the attire of Gil-Galads personal guard in my wardrobe. He simply didn't dare to admit it. Fine, said the scholar, leave me alone in my body! Go away, snarled the assassin, I have a right to live here, too!

"What do you have in mind for me today?" I asked, before the assassin could get control over my voice.

"You stay in bed," he immediately stated firmly. "Your leg needs rest."

"I would like to..."

"I allow you to go to the bathroom, now, whilst I wait here. Not more."

I sighed and rose, very carefully to not annoy him, and hobbled into the bathroom.

Elrond. I have sensitive ears.

I heard you opened my wardrobe again.

When I came back he sat on the edge of my bed as if nothing had happened.

"Has something changed in my wardrobe?" snapped the assassin before I could think of a more friendly way to handle the subject.

Elrond didn't move. "No. It's still there."

I lay down. "Would you leave me now?" snapped the assassin whilst throttling the advisor who wanted to say: I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! But he was already turning purple and soon lay unconscious on the floor.

But Elrond only nodded, as if he had a reason to feel guilty, bowed and left. I felt miserable. I would have liked to call him back, when the advisor came to life again, to scream: Forgive me, Elrond, you don't deserve this! You only did what your grieving heart told you to do!

"El?"

"Yes, Ell?"

"What do you feel towards Legolas?"

"I'm crazy for him. He dominates my thoughts. My heart jumps with joy when he's near. I adore him."

"How... do you see our future?"

"Oh! If I could chose, I would like to love him every night for the next ages."

"But he's from Mirkwood. He'll want to go back someday. It's far from here."

"Why do you tell me this?"

"I thought about it. I love him, too. But it will be difficult for us to be together in future.

Morality asks of us to only give our heart to one elf in love. So we would not be allowed to take another lover when we part - perhaps for years."

"My heart becomes sad only by thinking about it! I think I would go mad missing him! And never think of another. He's matchless."

"I feel like you. I fear the future. But I wish to spend it together with Legolas as long as possible."

The twins came to the study with joyful expressions. He hadn't expected that.

"We have it!" They laid a letter down on Elrond's desk. He dared to quickly scan it and his eyebrows arched. "That was your idea?"

He felt how the twins became a bit nervous. "Well, Erestor helped us a bit."

"What?! He was the one who told me to let you do that yourself!"

They looked at each other and shrugged. "He gave us the hint with the question. Will it do, Ada?"

"Yes. But let Legolas seal it. It must look as if I or you had never seen it."

"Alright! We'll send him to give it to the messenger then!"

"That will be best."

The twins stormed out again and left him alone in the study.

Elrond stared through the open door to the next room at the abandoned chair. Strange. He was really missing Erestor's presence. Or were there other reasons why he felt so horribly lonely? He propped his head up into his hands. The sorrow in his heart pulled him down. He felt awful.

He quickly went to lock the doors from the inside. Then he sank into the plush chair, drew up his legs and cried.

"My shining star! Why have you left me? Come back to me! I miss you so, I miss you so horribly."

I had the whole morning to think about what I should do. And finally came to a conclusion.

Something had happened to set loose the old Erestor. He was lurking around under the surface - the new Erestor, the advisor - and sometimes broke it and shocked the surroundings or endangered the poor body they both shared. I had tried to reign him, had tried to subdue him, to hide him, to kill him. But nothing had helped. He had slept for so long after his master had died. But now he was awake again and there was nothing I could do to get rid of him.

I had to live with him. And it seemed it was impossible to hide him. So I eventually had to explain my sudden change to the others. I had to let go of my hope to have a completely new start. And now, thinking back, I had not really been entirely happy in Imladris. I always had been lonely. I never had any close friends, let alone the lover I wished to have. Yes, I like my Lord, even count him as a friend. I love my adopted children. But still I always kept them all at a distance, for the fear they would find out.

Wouldn't it be much easier to live with it? To let them know of free will? To simply tell them? They would understand. I hoped. And... what was there to lose? Nothing but a poor picture of an elf, a crumpled sad figure, a frightened whisper, unattractive and cowardly.

I decided to leave me behind. Him, corrected the assassin. Nobody, I said. I'll keep you both. Beside each other. I will not decline anyone of you.

"Legolas! Oh, Legolas, come. El awaits us. I feel so relieved."

The prince and Elladan hurried back to the twins' chamber after Legolas had delivered the message to the courier. Elladan guided Legolas into the bathroom.

"Tada!"

"Oh! How beautiful!"

Elrohir smiled up at his brother satisfied. They had planned to surprise their little Mirkwood treasure. He had poured a hot bath and had decorated the bathroom with candles and roses, letting some petals swim in the water. Both twins jumped to undress the prince. The young Sindarin savoured to be tended to like that and rewarded them with cute, shy smiles. The twins undressed themselves and they stepped into the tub that was big enough for them all.

Elrohir went to massaging Legolas shoulders and Elladan tended to his calves and delicate feet.

Closing his eyes in pleasure, the price purred contentedly. "Oh! Oh! You're too good for me! I love you, Elladan, I love you, Elrohir!"

"Do you mean what you say?" asked Elladan, piercing the prince with his look. The wide blue eyes looked back at him and became a bit sad. "Yes. I mean it. I love you both."

"I love you, too!" stated Elladan.

"And so do I!" said Elrohir.

Elrond felt he couldn't avoid going back to Erestor. The advisor would be angry with him if he sent someone else. So he went to the kitchen, fetched supper and made his way to the north wing.

He knocked at the door and heard a quiet "Enter!"

He stepped inside, his head bowed. I couldn't understand why he let me treat him like that. But it would have an end. I promised. You deserve better, Elrond. Now come and sit.

The normal greeting and smile were missing and it stabbed me in the heart. No. I didn't want to lose the only friend I ever had. He place the tray with food beside me and turned to leave me again.

"Wait! Stay with me," I said and my voice was even. Not that aggressive, not that timid.

Turning back, he was now watching me with mixed emotions. I patted the edge of the bed. "Please, sit with me."

He seemed to be a bit puzzled. No surprise, I had just sent him out with harsh words this morning and now I was being nice and friendly.

I grabbed the goblet with cool fruit juice to distract me, but then thought it was better to be straight. I put it back on the tray and looked directly into Elrond's eyes. "Yes, Elrond, I'm old," I began to explain. "Very old. Much older than you, in fact. I have served the royal family for centuries. I was trained as a hidden force under Caranthir's whip-hand. But I couldn't stand his constant bad mood and abuses. And fled to Fingolfin first. But he had no use for me and sent me to his son. Gil-Galad had not even reached his twenties back then. Under Fingon I was a spy and assassin."

Elrond tried not to gape, but his eyes grew wider with every word I said and his brows rose higher. But he didn't interrupt.

"I fought in every battle. Even in the Nirnaeth Arnediad. I saw Fingon fall from afar. Later I went to the mouths of sirion, looking for my Lords' child. I have admired Círdan for his great deeds. Without him, everything would have been lost. But he kept us safe and brought us to Balar. Later on I dwelled in Lindon. But I was seldom at the palace. I avoided being seen. I saw you many times. I saw your career, I saw how you fell in love with him, and how he answered your love. And in the battle of the last alliance, I was far behind the enemies' lines when he fell.

"I'm sorry, Elrond, I'm horribly sorry. I kept it all from you because I hated my past, I hated what Caranthir had made out of me, I hated my work as a trained killer. And I wanted to leave it behind. I made it, more or less, until you found the daggers. That set my old self loose. It was the old Erestor who crawled into the caves, who snapped at you this morning, who made me behave so oddly. Forgive me."

He stared at me in silence for a while. Then he suddenly bowed his head and I saw tears leaking down his cheeks. "I am sorry," he whispered. "I woke your past. Forgive me."

"I am no longer sure if it makes me angry. I will have to live with it. I saw it is impossible to deny it. Tell me, will you accept me as this? A mixture of Erestor the advisor and Erestor the assassin?"

"I will accept you as whatever you are, Erestor. You're always welcome in the Last Homely House. In my family."

Odd. Very odd. I felt tears on my cheeks, too. I felt horribly relieved.

I carefully crutched down the stairs, Elrond right beside me. It was two days after my revelation. We hadn't spoken much about our past yet. It seemed to me that Elrond had to fully comprehend it first. He cared for me very well. And always he brought me greetings from the others. El and Ell, Arwen, Estel and even Glorfindel. I had laughed when he had told me that. Glorfindel. I still desired him. But finally it didn't leave me with pain and rage anymore. I mourned that I could not have him. But when I now stepped into the hall and sat down across from him, I realised I was ready to let him go. He still looked stunningly beautiful, so enticing to me. But I felt I had accepted that he would never want me. I would live with it. I had to.

The youngsters greeted me gleefully. I hadn't allowed Elrond to take them to my chambers.

But Glorfindel looked at me in a very strange way. He seemed to be very sad. He was silent for the whole meal and then excused himself to go on his patrols. I wondered what it meant.

Elrond allowed me to return to my work and I realised I could still do it. The assassin seemed to have accepted the advisor and left him doing his work. I felt strangely whole. And was giddily happy. Mad old brain.

There was a fierce knock at the door and Elrond immediately jumped out of his bed.

"What is it?"

"Lord Elrond, an emergency! Hurry to the healers' wing, quickly!" he heard the voice of Curucamba.

He slipped into a simple set of clothes and ran off, although it must have been something around third hour of the morning.

"A stabbing!" explained Curucamba, while they were running through the deserted corridors.

"Stabbing?! Who?"

"Seems to be something out of jealousy. Harodeth stabbed Uthanath when he found him in his lover's bed. The wound is located right below the last left rib and bleeds horribly."

Elrond cursed under his breath.

I carefully rose, propped on my crutch. My ribs were completely healed by now, but my leg still hurt when I used it too much.

I bathed and stepped up to the wardrobe. My hand ghosted over the dark blue. So beautiful.

"I'm looking forward to see you again," I whispered.

Out of a desire to see Elrond, I walked first to his private chambers. It was early enough, I thought I could still meet him there. I knocked at the door. "Yes, who?"

"Erestor."

"Come in."

I stepped into my Lord's cosy, spacious rooms. Everything glowed in warm colours of red, ebony and gold. No blue anywhere. Elrond came into the living room from his sleeping chamber. He looked far from rested. He wore simple clothes and I realised with a start that they were blood-stained! His hair was a mess and his face a mask of horror and shock.

"Elrond! What happened?"

"A stabbing. You wouldn't believe it! Old, adult elves!" He shed his shirt while running over to the bathroom. I slowly followed him. My gaze wandered over the furniture and decoration of the room. Nothing. No reminder of Gil-Galad anywhere. It looked as if the second age had never existed.

"Do you know Ruinril?" asked my Lord whilst loosening the lacing of his trousers.

"Yes. Lover to Harodeth."

"Exactly. But this night he was not pleased to see his lover. Because he had another elf in his bed. Uthanath was with him when Harodeth surprisingly entered the room and found them. He fell into battle-rage and after a fierce argument he drew his dagger and thrust it into Uthanath' lower body. Ruinril fled screaming, alerting the healers. Curucamba fetched me and we managed to keep Uthanath alive - but barely! Can one believe it!? Nearly a second kinslaying in my Imladris!"

He was raging and I felt he needed it to calm down. He was right, I nearly couldn't believe it. But the "nearly" was important. Seems like in opposite to him I know what jealousy can do to an elf.

He had by now fully undressed and combed his hair roughly. I stood in the doorframe of the bathroom and he didn't mind at all to be naked in front of me. I smiled. It was indeed interesting to see him like this. His body had a bit unfamiliar shape. Less stretched than a full-elf. Longer legs but a sturdy, strong body. And then the hair all over! Well, nothing in comparison to Estel or every other human, but for someone you know as an elf it really stroke as odd. It covered his legs, his chest and his groin. Must be funny to touch it.

"How does Harodeth behave?" I asked. Fortunately he seemed not to have noticed the pause before. He reached up to turn on the tap and a spray of water hit him.

"He is traumatised himself," he explained whilst rinsing his hair. "When I came from the surgery he was sitting guarded in the waiting room. When I told him we had nearly lost Uthanath he broke into tears. He's a nervous wreck."

"At least he regrets."

"Yes. But it comes a bit late."

I sighed. Elrond foamed is hair and is body impatiently, still tense. "How would you have reacted if you had once, very unexpectedly, found Gil-Galad in bed with another lover?"

He pierced me with a sharp look, but I held it easily. Therefore he turned away and seemed to think. "I would have ran away," he said, slowly stroking his chest.

"You would have been horribly shocked. So was Harodeth - probably."

"But why did he stab instead of run?"

"You said there was an argument. We can't tell before we know what it contained. It is horrible what he did. But don't be too quick in judgement. Let us see what interrogations bring up."

He stood under the spray and rinsed his hair and body. Then he turned the water off, wrung out his hair and sighed. "I know why you are my chief advisor," he said, smiling at me.

I smiled back. I felt very comfortable with him trusting me. And realised he was the first who had ever won my trust.

He walked by me and I followed him into his sleeping chamber. I like the way he arranged it. It has some smaller and wider angles, rafters beneath the cross-vaulted ceiling and the bed is placed in a corner on a pedestal you can reach over three broad steps. Here you can feel Elrond's sindarin blood. Sindarin mostly like to have a cosy little refuge, sleeping in high trees or at least with the back against a wall. He opened the wardrobe and searched it. I stepped up behind him and looked over his shoulder. His wardrobe was definitely not boring. Nearly all colours were to be found. But only one attire in blue. And silver. I reached out and pulled it slightly out. Yes. It was exactly the same I had. The attire of the personal royal guard. But I had been an assassin, and he had been the royal herald.

When I turned I realised shocked that he cried. He was dressing in burgundy robes, and whilst he closed the lacing, tears ran down his cheeks.

My hand reached out for him. I had seldom savoured bodily contact. But now I had the desire to place my hand on his shoulder and squeeze it.

"You still have not dealt with it?"

He only shook his head, wiping away the tears.

I pointed around. "No reminder of him. It is as if he had never existed."

"I can't stand it. You probably know I have his sword, some of his books, his jewellery. Once I had it openly in my chamber. But I couldn't bear it. It only reminded me of what I have lost. I miss him more. I suffer more. I had to put them away." His gaze travelled over to a chest in a corner. So they were there.

I took a deep breath. "Elrond. Don't do this to yourself. How dare you suffer so much? He wouldn't want that."

"I know. But I can't change it." The tears flowed now freely whilst he vacantly stared outside through the window.

"Elrond. Listen." I grabbed his shoulders and turned him towards me. "You're mistaken. He is not dead. No elf can really die. He's a pure soul, as far as I know never did wrong. He's presumably long in Aman. And the elves are leaving these shores. Your saviour probably lives here under your very roof! You know it, Elrond. The time of elves is over. Círdan waits for us. Only some more centuries and you'll be reunited with him! Come on, shine! Be happy! Look forward! Count the days! You will see him again! In the undying lands!"

His wet eyes shimmered and he stared at me blankly. I shook him awake. "Elrond? Have you understood? It is only some weeks by ship that separate you from him. He's waiting. Probably missing you just as much as you miss him. But I'm sure he sits by the sea every day and says to himself: He'll come. When the responsibility for this world is given into the hands of men, then he'll come. Yes, you will go. We all will go, once it is time. You are still looking back, mourning. Now turn, look forward, and be joyful."

Elrohir realised that his brother was awake. He raised his head to look at him from across Legolas.

"Morning," he whispered.

Elladan smiled at him and reached out to stroke the mass of blond hair that was spread on the matress. "He's so beautiful."

"Yes, he definitely is."

"I don't want to lose him. I hope Thranduil will be merciful with us."

"So do I. But I would do everything for our prince. How should Thranduil separate us? By force? Sending some Galadhrim to take him to Mirkwood again?"

"We would defend him with our lives."

Elrohir grinned. "We would."

Today is a very special day. Again, my hand ghosted over the dark blue tissue. But this time it grabbed it. I pulled the garment out of the wardrobe, folded it and left my chamber. It was early morning. I knocked at Elrond's door and immediately received an "Enter!".

I walked over into his bedchamber and found him standing in front of the open wardrobe. Yes, right, Elrond, very good. He pleadingly looked up at me for courage. And I threw the clothes on the bed, stripped out of my black robes and began dressing in the garment of the royal guard.

He watched me and his lips trembled and his eyes shone with unshed tears. I determinedly set my belt and sheathed the two daggers. Then I closed my doublet, uniting the fife stars in front of my chest. I felt totally exited. The garment still fit me like I had worn it for the last time yesterday. I was finished and looked at him expectantly. And suddenly he pulled his attire out of his wardrobe. And I watched, stunned, as my Elrond, Lord of Imladris, turned into Elrond, First Herald of the High King. And I listened whilst he sang.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There is just so much that time can not erase
If you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears
And if you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
You still have all of me
You used to captivate me with your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along.

He had finished dressing, now he knelt down by the chest and opened it. His tears fell into it when he carefully took out a broad collier, heavy and set with dark blue sapphires. I helped him to put it on. Then he took out a belt and unsheathed a long sword to look at it. Cirth were engraved in it and said: My heart I gave to you. May it defend you against everything that may come. I'm with you.

The words had now a completely new meaning. But they were still true.

He put the belt on, took a deep breath and looked up into my eyes. I smiled warmly. We turned in union and marched out and down into the hall.

Arwen and Estel were already there, and Glorfindel. They all made big eyes when seeing us come like that. Many other elves in the hall turned and whispered. Some of them had seen Elrond in this attire. But probably none of them me.

Elrond sat down heavily on his chair. He pressed his palms to the table and looked from one to the other. Then he suddenly rose and spoke: "Today is a special day. Exactly three thousand and one hundred years ago died Gil-Galad Ereinion, High King of the Noldor. I have mourned his death from then on. But now I delight in saying: He has lived. And I am grateful I could live with him for over a thousand years." Then he sat back and murmured, only for us near him to hear: "I thank you, my shining star, for everything."

And I smiled, nearly mad with glee. My Lord had returned from the dead. >From the dead souls.

We wore our attire for the whole day. Nobody dared to ask us further about the incident. And we dwelled in memories and pride that we had lived with him. We kept our daily routine of work, but our fea was elsewhere. And in the evening, after we had a rather silent dinner, Elrond marched out and disappeared in the mountains. I went back to my room and looked out of the window for a very long time.

He was free now, I hoped. Free of his guilty conscience, free of his pain, his loss, his doubt. And free for love. I guessed he could love again now, whilst it had been impossible for him before. Celebrian had known that. Poor lady. She had married him for her mother. They had been friends, yes, and had children together. But he had never really loved her. Because he still mourned.

Would he now be open for Glorfindel?

I sighed sadly. But accepted. Should they love. I wished for them both to be happy. And when no one loved me, then I could hardly demand love. And if I was doomed to be alone for my whole life, so be it.

"Elladan! Did you know that?!"

"What?"

"That Ada... well, missed the High King so much? He was so different today. Different from all I have ever seen of him before."

"Yes. He must have really..."

"...loved Gil-Galad."

The twins looked intensely at each other. "Do you really think...?" asked Elladan, though he felt the same way.

Elrohir nodded. "I... believe so. Elladan! Gil-Galad has always been a taboo around him. Nobody ever spoke of him when around our father. To avoid hurting him."

"But... our nana!"

"I don't know. I really don't know. We'll have to talk to him about it."

Glorfindel couldn't stand it any longer. The last days had been even more torment! This horrible stabbing incident three days ago had brought Erestor and Elrond even closer together. They were doing everything together, it seemed to him. They talked much in private. They shared long looks. They held council and judged together. And then the strange celebration of Gil-Galad? Where did Erestor get that attire at all?

Glorfindel was ready to go mad.

It was very difficult to explain why his desk was smashed. Things like that usually don't simply tumble over and break into tiny shreds. But Elrond had bandaged his broken hand and like that he had received at least a little bit of his attention. Glorfindel threw himself onto his bed and cried like an elfling. He simply couldn't suppress it. He felt so miserable. His Lord turned him down for that snappy snake of an advisor! And he had loved him for centuries, not getting more than friendship whilst he had longed for more, so much more. And now Elrond threw himself at Erestor, though Glorfindel could swear the advisor didn't even love him! Erestor looked so calculating. He didn't worship what he had! And Glorfindel knew he would carry Elrond on his hands! Elrond would get everything from him. And Erestor? What could he possibly give?

I closed the book in which I had written. One day after.

Elrond had probably returned late in the night. And this morning he was pretending nothing had happened. But it was obvious that something had changed. He was happy. Utterly and completely happy. But someone else was not.

"Elrond?" I stepped into his part of the study and closed the door behind me. He looked up and smiled, and I realised the hint of sadness had left his eyes. They sparkled and stormed. I had seen that before, yes, but only before the battle of the last alliance.

"Elrond, what is wrong with Glorfindel?" I asked. His expression immediately darkened.

"I don't know! He is completely out of his mind! He seems to be sad, disappointed. The desk this morning... he smashed it. With bare hands. Something enraged him horribly and when I bandaged his hand he was close to tears. I have never seen Glorfindel cry before, this is really scary, I tell you! I urged him to confide in me what's wrong with him, but he doesn't tell me."

I thought hard. Could it be he was jealous on me? Did he think I stole Elrond away from him? That would be possible. Woe, he must really love our Lord to make him react so violently! But that meant that he would never speak to Elrond about it. And he was dangerous for himself. Dear Elbereth, I had to do something!

The twins came to their father's private chambers that evening. He smiled warmly and greeted them with a hug. "My dear sons. You probably have some questions, I guess?" He gestured at them to sit down on his couch and he sat across from them.

The nodded simultaneously. "Yes, Ada. May we speak freely?"

"Always and concerning everything."

"Good. It is about... you and nana. Did you love her?"

Elrond sighed deeply. "Nay and yes. We were friends. We shared our bed. But when you mean a devoted, all-hearted love, I'm afraid I have to admit no." He swallowed. This was probably hard for his sons to take.

"I always loved Gil-Galad and I still do. I still mourned his death when I married Celebrian. And she knew. She knew that she married someone whose heart didn't belong to her. I had warned her. But still we shared affection and trust. And I suffered greatly from her abuse and departure. You know that."

The twins looked at the floor and nodded slightly.

"Are you disappointed in me?" asked Elrond carefully.

They looked up at him. "Why didn't you tell us earlier?" asked Elladan.

"I didn't think it would be wise to confront you as children with it. I'm sorry."

"You look forward to go to the havens, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. There are many on the other side who I want to see. But you will come with me, won't you?"

"Of course! But... will the sindarin come, too?"

Elrond laughed. "Legolas, you mean? They can, if they want. But it is not yet time for it. My sons, savour the time that is given you here. And so will I."

I did something completely new for me. I knocked at Glorfindel's door in a friendly way. I had never done that before. Never dared, out of cowardice. But now I did. I had let him go, had given up on him, and suddenly I could approach him. I could talk to him without snapping and snarling. And I even went to help him with his lover's grief.

I knocked again and finally heard a faint: "Yes?"

I simply walked in. Glorfindel's rooms were large and comfortable. I stepped into the living room, but he was not there. Instead I saw several - empty - bottles of miruvor on the table and floor. Ugly.

I went over into the sleeping room. Arg! I barely kept myself from drooling. He lay sprawled on his bed, clothed only in a sparse loincloth. His body shimmered in the gloom of the evening and his long golden hair, thick and fluffy, was spread across the mattress behind him. He still held a bottle halfway filled with miruvor in his hand and looked tiredly up at me. I saw he was already far gone.

"Erestor? What do you want?" he slurred.

"Glorfindel! You look horrible! What do you do to yourself?"

"I try... to drown..."

"I'm afraid you could succeed when you go on like that." I wrenched the bottle from his hand. He watched me with dull eyes and protested feebly.

"Hey, I need that!"

"No, you don't. Gods, Glorfindel, to become so drunk as an elf needs quite a couple of bottles." I grew scared when I looked into his eyes. They were unfocused and dim.

"Glorfindel, come with me immediately." I hauled him up and he wavered on his feet.

"Where... going... oh, I'm sick."

"Very well." I pulled him into his bathroom. "I think you better relieve yourself of the miruvor still in your stomach."

"What are you saying? *Burp* I'm happy I managed to keep it down... at.. all..."

No longer.

I held back his hair and steadied him when he emptied his stomach. Gods, he must have drunken horribly much! What a luck I had decided to look after him! His muscular body tensed and shook. He was a sorry sight. I fetched a washcloth and soaked it with cold water, then washed Glorfindel's face. He wasn't even able to avoid me.

Since he was soaked in sweat and his skin flushed with heat, I decided to give him a shower. It would ease his torment. "Come. I'll help you."

He stumbled under the spray. Blessed be Elrond for his genius architecture. I turned on the tap and he winced and yelped when the cool water hit him. "Cold!" he gasped.

"Yes, very refreshing," I said whilst slipping out of my outer robe. I stepped up to him and washed him determinedly.

Gods he is beautiful. His body so muscular, so finely shaped. His skin soft and slightly tanned. He is tall and I guessed he could nearly weight twice as much as I do. Uh, his nipples stood out from the cold. So enticing, little dark rosy buds. I bit my lip. What a pity I couldn't have him.

"Get off of me!" he wailed, "I don't want help! Leave me!"

"Calm down, Glorfindel! What is it that torments you? Elrond and me? Forget it. I don't love him."

His eyes grew wide and I realised with shock that there was an unmistakable hint of aggressiveness in them. And he was not in control of himself... "I know!" he snarled, "You use him!"

"What?!"

"You don't love him but he falls for you!" His hands were clawed now and he looked as if ready to jump at me. I had to protect myself! This guy is able to kill Balrogs!

"No, Glorfindel! You're wrong! He doesn't love me either! We never were intimate with each other!"

He gazed at me dumbfounded. He really was a sorry sight at the moment.

"You know, I'm old, Glorfindel. I fought in the Battle of the last Alliance. I only denied my past because I didn't want to be a fighter anymore but a scholar. Therefore I didn't tell anyone. But Elrond accidentally found out. And then I changed and half returned to my old self. I was in Gil-Galad's services. We have a past together and spoke about it, that's all. I promise you can have him, if he wants it." Suddenly he smacked his own forehead and immediately cried out in anguish because he involuntarily had used the broken hand for it.

"Manwe! We really have to get you sober again, Glorfindel. Now come with me."

I led him back to bed, covered him up carefully and cleared away the bottles and fetched him water to drink. Thereby I discovered a tin with cookies in the living room and took it with me. Glorfindel fumbled his sore hand when I came back. "Are you in pain? Is the bone rebroken?" I asked and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Don't know," he mumbled. "But it's alright! Don't fetch a healer. Shall not... see this. Why are you here?"

Big blue eyes looked up at me. Gods he is so sweet. How can one being so old, reborn and a fierce warrior still look so innocent?

"I was concerned for you. The desk incident this morning, your sadness the last days... I thought I better explain things to you before you harm yourself. It was a bit late, but fortunately not too late. Here, eat. It will perhaps help detoxificate you."

He obediently ate the cookies I offered him. I would have loved to kiss him. But I only squeezed his shoulder.

"Feeling better?"

Oh Valar, I received a beaming smile! Directed at me!!!

"Yes, thank you."

"Glad I could help. Can I leave you alone now? Will you sleep and not attempt anything else?"

He nodded. "I'll try."

In the state he was in I didn't doubt he would sleep very peacefully. I smiled at him and rose. "Good night then."

"Good night."

I left with a mixed feeling of joy and fear. It had been very pleasant to be with him without arguing. To even see him naked and be able to touch him. Yes, very pleasant indeed. I was very grateful for my loose, wide robes at the moment.

I shortly thought about telling Elrond, but discarded the idea. Glorfindel wouldn't want that. And he would have to tell his Lord about it himself. Perhaps he would finally admit his feelings openly.

Glorfindel kneeled in front of me, his big eyes looking up at me. So beautiful in his surrender. The collar around his neck fitted him very well, especially since I had the leash attached to it in my hand.

Unfortunately only a dream. A very pleasant, torturing dream. I sighed when I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. But I was glad I didn't feel miserable. In earlier days I had always suffered from such dreams because I saw in them what I could not have. But I realised I had learned from the words I had told Elrond myself. Don't look for the things you don't have but savour the thing you can have. And I was confident I could make friends with Glorfindel now, after I had stopped being horribly tense and nervous around him. Yes, glee, very good.

Glorfindel didn't show up for breakfast, but I guessed that it would happen. He must have a terrible hang-over by now. Elrond however was anxious about it of course, and when we reached the study he told me so. But I calmed him down.

"I was with him yesterday. I think I know what troubles him, but I may not tell you. He has a reason to stay in bed today. But please, give him a bit more time. I hope he will confide in you, soon."

Glorfindel groaned when he rose - very slowly. He stumbled over into the bathroom and had a cold shower. What had that been yesterday? Had Erestor really been here or had delirium only feigned him images of him? He guessed so, because the advisor had been very friendly and helpful yesterday. That couldn't possibly be the real Erestor. Still, the bottles were no longer scattered all about his chambers but collected on the sideboard. And he hadn't been in the state to manage that any longer, had he? And the tin with the cookies... it all seemed so real!

He decided he had to stay in his rooms when he looked into the mirror. He simply looked horrible. But how should he explain that to Elrond? And he was hungry. But he risked to be recognised when slipping into the kitchen. Damn. Never again miruvor.

When Glorfindel failed to show up for the supper, too, I decided to look for him. Who knew? Perhaps he needed help!

I collected a meal for him on the plate and took a carafe with fresh fruit juice with me, then went off to his rooms.

Very strange, thought Elrond. Erestor was different, and yet not so different. Still he was calm and skilful, but there was an energy, determination added to his actions that hadn't been there before. Self-confidence that he had missed in his advisor for long. And he cared for Glorfindel. Why? He had obviously hated the seneschal before, so why did he suddenly help him? Was that a change caused by the assassin, too? Perhaps the assassin respected the warrior in Glorfindel or something like that?

Anyway, Elrond was glad that Erestor took care of Glorfindel. His children offered themselves to look after his seneschal, too, but he didn't really think they could be of help. He put all his trust in Erestor. Hadn't he said that Glorfindel would eventually come to him by his free will?

I knocked at the door of Glorfindel's rooms. I heard rustling and the bathroom door open, then a faint: "Who's there?"

"It's Erestor."

"Oh! Come in!"

I entered and caught him leaving the bathroom. He had probably planned to hide there, pretending he had a shower or whatever in the case I had been Elrond. I smiled at him. "No need to hide. Here, I brought you something to eat." I placed the plate and the carafe on the low table in the living room. He had tidied up here, the bottles and mess he had left were gone. He had tried to tend to himself, too, but you could still make out signs of distress in him. He had dark circles below his eyes, his gaze was dull and he was overly sensitive to noise. He eyed me mistrustfully.

"Why do you do that?"

I comfortably settled in his plush chair.

"I changed my mind. As I said yesterday." I gestured for him to sit, and he finally did and began greedily devouring the meal.

"I have been an assassin in service of Gil-Galad," I explained and was surprised how easy it was on me.

Glorfindel stared at me in open shock. "Why have you never... ah yes, you wanted to begin anew you said yesterday?"

"Right. I didn't want you to expect things of me the assassin could do. But in the night of the twins' birthday, I fell asleep on the desk in the study and Elrond carried me to my room. There he realised the daggers on the wall carried Gil-Galads emblem. And questioned me about it. That set loose the old Erestor, the assassin, and he for example ventured out into the caves."

"Oh! I had wondered what strange change had befallen you! And now? Who are you now?"

"I'm by now both, the scholar and the... well, I wouldn't like to call it that, assassin. of course I don't kill anymore. But that was my education in those days. I spied and killed in secret behind the enemies' lines."

He worked on that quite a while. Then he gulped down the whole interior of the carafe at once.

"Right. And now you decided to stop snapping at me, too?"

I felt a bit hurt, but nodded. Well, he was right in a way, wasn't he?

And my hurt was blown away when I received another genuine beaming smile. "Very good!" he said, "I think that will ease both our lives. I will try to be less arrogant around you, too, I promise."

I laughed and he looked at me bewildered. Oh yes. He had probably never heard me laugh before.

But finally I sobered and looked at him intensely. "Elrond wonders what's wrong with you. What will you do?"

"Oh Valar! I don't know. I fear his rejection, I feared it ever since I fell in love with him and therefore never dared to tell him."

"It is hard to live like that."

"Yes. Yes it is." He hung his head. Poor lad. I would like to comfort you with my hand on your chest, rubbing those pretty rosy nipples I had seen yesterday.

But soon you will go to Elrond, and you're beautiful and kind and will be out of my reach then for ever. Well... perhaps not for ever, I thought, considering my Lord's desire to see Gil-Galad again.

Very suddenly Glorfindel stormed into Elrond's study.

"My Lord!"

"Glorfindel?"

"I would like to talk to you in private."

Elrond immediately rose. So Erestor had been right - as always.

"Of course. Where shall we go?"

"To your rooms, perhaps? They're near."

They walked in silence, but Elrond already sensed that Glorfindel was nervous and tense. So he poured them both wine when he sat down with him in the privacy of his chambers, yet Glorfindel didn't touch his goblet. He sat stiffly, his hands folded in his lap.

"Glorfindel, what is troubling you? I lived in concern for you for days!"

"My Lord, I have an admission to make. I fear your reaction, but I can no longer keep it to myself."

"Tell me, Glorfindel."

"I love you." There, he had managed. He had planned to speak quicker than the doubts could stop him.

He looked into his Lord's eyes and already realised his feelings were not answered. Slowly a sad smile spread on Elrond's face and Glorfindel wished he would be swallowed by the floor.

"I know you don't love me back," he stuttered, heart-broken, "But I finally had to tell you."

Elrond took a deep breath and leaned back. "I feel honoured by your feelings, Glorfindel. I do love you, but not in the way you seem to wish. I cherish you as my friend whom I trust, my companion and seneschal. I tell you, you really are lovely, beautiful above all, graceful and kind. A wonderful mate, indeed, and everyone could be happy to have you. But my heart still belongs to someone else, Glorfindel. I have never ceased to love Gil-Galad and I'm now looking forward to be reunited with him when we all finally set sail. And therefore I'm not free to give my heart to you. I would gladly do, if it weren't for him that I can't."

Elrond watched in helpless shock when glittering tears ran down Glorfindel's motionless face.

He quickly leaned over and captured the handsome face between his hands. "Forgive me, Glorfindel! Believe me, I would have gladly been your mate, if I would have been available. But how things are I fear you must get along without me as a lover. But please, Glorfindel, don't be hurt! Give up on me and look for someone else. The last thing I want is you to be sore for the rest of your life."

Glorfindel nodded and abruptly rose, then fled.

Elrond sighed and massaged his forehead. Oh what a horrible thing! His Glorfindel so deeply hurt by him! But however he turned, he couldn't see a way to avoid it.

Later that day the twins came to pay him a visit.

"Ada? What is wrong with Glorfindel?" asked Elrohir concerned. "We saw him today, running towards his chambers, and he cried!" added Elladan.

Elrond sighed. "He is in a bit of a sensual turmoil. I involuntarily caused him hurt. I hope very much he will recover. But he needs time to heal. I hope this won't affect you. Please, be very kind with him now. Try to cheer him up when you feel you can do it without annoying him. But I believe it is better you grant him some private space now. Don't pressure him into telling you what's wrong, will you?"

They nodded serenely.

"Ada?"

"Yes?"

"May we ask you something?"

"Of course."

"How can we ensure we don't hurt Legolas?"

"Oh! I'm glad you ask me that. I assumed you already had your first time with him."

"Yes, we had. But we want to be sure to make it right."

Elrond smiled at them openly. "Very good. Well, the most important thing is that you always lubricate him well before you penetrate him. Never invade him dry! You can use nearly everything that has a creamy consistence. Oil is best, or a salve, saliva in the emergency, or semen. Water doesn't do. Then you should prepare him thoroughly in the beginning. First enter him with one finger, massaging him, then two, then three. That is mostly sufficient, but when you want to be sure he is soft enough, enter four fingers to the second knuckle and he'll be ready.

"And yes, a trick with that. You have perhaps already found that out by yourself. But when you crook a finger upwards you will find a nub in him, a hidden gland. It is his prostate. It is very sensitive to touch and will bring him much delight. It mostly is the key to an orgasm for the penetrated partner. Massage it lightly and he will relax, hit it with your erection and he'll come. But always be patient. Never force. And don't use too much energy, the prostate is very sensitive and in your case can become inflamed. In his probably not, but you can still cause hurt and damage when you squeeze and handle it too roughly. That is all you need to know, I think. In any case he is hurt, don't hesitate to seek me or another healer out. Every other thing is open to your creativity. Feel free to explore."

His twins smiled shyly. "Has no answering come yet from Mirkwood?" they asked.

"No, but I expect it to come soon."

"We hope he might stay."

"He is always welcome."

I sought out Elrond in his private chambers in the evening, having gone on stair-case-training the whole afternoon. I already felt the steely muscles of the assassin return.

"Elrond?"

"Erestor? Come in."

Elrond sat on his balcony and I sat down beside him. I guessed Glorfindel had told him and wanted to know what the outcome was. But seeing his concerned and regretting expression, I guessed something had went wrong.

"How was the day?" I asked, picking up a tasty plum from a plate on the table.

"Glorfindel approached me. He told me he loved me. Did you know that?"

I laughed bitterly. "Have you been blind for his attempts, Elrond? I have observed him for centuries and guessed at it. But yes, I knew for sure since yesterday."

"I turned him down."

I was very sorry, but my heart jumped with joy. So Glorfindel was still free for me?

"You did?"

"Yes, of course. I wait to be reunited with Gil-Galad and my desire is with him. Never could I take another lover. But it was very hard for Glorfindel. I'm horribly sorry. I made him cry."

How sweet. Oh, how I wanted to taste those tears!

"Very sad for him. I hope he'll live with it."

"So do I. But I saw he really was in pain. And considering the desk-thing I really fear for him. We have to keep an eye on him."

"I will do that," I offered, completely unselfishly...

So I paid my charge a visit in the evening, after he had failed to show up for the dinner. I brought a light meal of fruits and sweets. Out of my personal experience the only thing you can manage when heart-broken.

I knocked. But there was no answer. So I just entered and looked for Glorfindel. He was back in his sleeping room, lying in bed on his side, his shoulders bare. But this time there were no bottles of miruvor around. Yet he lay unhealthily still!

I sat down on the edge of the bed. His eyes were vacant, he seemed to sleep. They were red-rimmed, too, and traces of tears were on his cheeks. My poor sweet love. I wondered if I should better let him sleep or wake him, but then thought it had probably been hard enough to fall asleep. I placed the plate with the cherries, apple and sweets on his nightstand, opened the window, closed the curtains and left him with a last longing look over my shoulder. Oh could I only lay down beside him!

Elrond hardly slept that night and was back in his study early and found the letters from Mirkwood on his desk. The messenger must have arrived during the night. He found one letter of the king addressed to him and one to Legolas.

He took the letter addressed to himself and opened it. It contained the common flourish and empty speech, some things about the patrol organisation, greetings to his sons and daughter. But nothing offending or aggressive. Very good.

He began to work, but his mind still circled around Glorfindel. Would he manage to deal with it?

I woke from really horrible dreams this time. I had dreamt of Glorfindel fading or killing himself in several different manners and was soaked with sweat when awareness finally rescued me.

I took a deep breath to calm down. Surely he wouldn't do such things, would he? He had already died once and could probably tell it was not that wonderful an experience.

I rose and dressed, though it was still very early. So I decided to begin my stair-case-training. But when I went to the study to fetch some heavy books to carry, I found Elrond already working there.

"Haven't slept well either, uh?" I stated.

He nodded sadly. "I'm concerned."

"So am I. I have looked for him yesterday evening. He was asleep, but had obviously cried. I will go to see him when sun sets."

"I will come with you."

I would have preferred to be alone, but I could hardly explain that to him. So we worked for two hours and then went to Glorfindel's room. Again there was no answer to my knocking and we walked in. We found he was still in bed and I realised, shocked, that he hadn't moved at all.

"Elrond!" I whispered, "When I left him yesterday, he lay just like that! He didn't move!"

Elrond knitted his brow, concerned, and sat down on the edge of the bed. His hand hovered above Glorfindel's temple. Then it carefully touched. "Glorfindel?" I winced when I heard the fear in my Lord's voice.

"Glorfindel?! Wake up!" He shook him slightly and my breath stopped. Was he...?!

"Elrond! Don't tell me..!" I shrieked.

"He's far gone," said my Lord and stroked the soft hair carefully. "He tries to leave his body. Oh, Glorfindel! I didn't want to do that to you! I don't mean to scare you away! Don't leave us!"

My Lord covered his face with his hands in horror.

I quickly sat down beside him, embraced him with one arm and stroked Glorfindel's shockingly cold shoulder with the other. "Oh no, my friend, don't!"

"Valar, we have to save him! He loved Arda so much, I don't want him to leave so soon! I don't want to miss him in these last centuries! Oh no, Glorfindel, I already have lost so much! If you really love me, come back to us!"

But there was no reaction. My heart grew cold. Oh no! Why had life to be so horrible?

During the morning we tried many things to wake Glorfindel. We bathed him together, we talked and sang to him, Elrond had administered a healing poison with life-supporting herbs to him, but nothing had worked. So I sat with him, whilst Elrond went to inform the rest of the "family" and half and hour later the twins, Arwen and Estel all came into the room, gathered around the bed and tried their best to call their tutor back.

To no avail.

In the late evening he was still gone, his heart beat at an alarmingly low rate, his breath even and slow and his skin cold.

I had discreetly told the twins to take special care for their father and had promised to sit by Glorfindel and alert Elrond as soon as his state worsened. Only under this condition had I succeeded in making them go at all.

So I finally was alone with him, my love. And he was gone.

I lovingly stroked his head. "Glorfindel? Listen! I have loved unrequitedly, too. For centuries. Yes. My heart belongs to someone who has ever since refused it. I know it hurts. But I learned to live with it. Do you hear me?"

My heart ached, my eyes were dull. The pain was overwhelming. I had hoped I could form a friendship with him. But now he was leaving this world, and would abandon me and Elrond here. Oh horrible future!

I took a deep shaking breath, watching him. His graceful profile, his blue eyes, now ceased to light and beam with joy and energy. I cried. Some things were already irretrievably gone. His expression, his grace of movement, his melodic voice... I could only stare at his empty body. Still beautiful, but now suddenly meaningless without his fea.

I bent forward and embraced him, resting my head on his broad chest. "Glorfindel?" I croaked, my tears falling to his chest. "Come back. You will return into a world full of love. Haven't you heard how horribly they all were hurt? How the children cried? How Elrond cried?" I sniffed. "How I cry?"

I couldn't resist. I lovingly kissed his chest, wanting to savour the little life there was still in it. It was still velvety soft, but it lacked warmth.

My hands crawled into the long, fluffy hair. It felt wonderful.

I looked up at him but his eyes were staring blankly at the ceiling. I broke out into heart-wrenching sobs. The one I loved, the only one in all my life, was leaving. I felt a dreadful emptiness approaching, as if it was standing outside, waiting to slip in through windows and doors. I barley couldn't keep myself from superstitiously locking up the door.

I squeezed the motionless body in my arms, relishing in the physical contact. Soon even his body would be gone when buried or burned. "Noo, noo! Come back! Glorfindel, come back!"

I shed my robes and slipped into his bed, crawling up beside him. And may it be the last thing I... he did, I wanted to spend one night with him.

I stroked his body and kissed his face. "I love you, Glorfindel, I love you."

Oh, not you again!

Not even the Valar want me.

Listen, Glorfindel, it is not yet time.

I don't want to dwell in Arda anymore! They don't want me there.

They have always wanted you, you only don't see it. How could you close your ears against the sobs and cries of your family?

I can't return to him. I have to lick my wounds in peace. Please, finally grant me entrance.

You're really stubborn, Glorfindel. But trust me, I'll do what is right for you. There is love in Arda for you. You only haven't found it yet. Promise me to open your eyes.

Glorfindel's eyes grew focused on the ceiling. Oh no. He was back. This was his chamber. Oh why, why, why? Why couldn't the Valar simply let him die? He would have to take more drastic measures. Even Mandos couldn't send him back when his body was crushed in the ravine, or could he?

Tears leaked down his cheeks and he wanted to wipe them away when he realised there was someone lying beside him. He felt the warmth of a body pressed at his side, the even breathing of a sleeping elf on his chest.

He forced his muscles to obey him and looked down. He could only see a bush of soft black hair. The smell was familiar. Of books and ink and velvet.

Glorfindel stared at the elf beside him in disbelief. Could it be it was Erestor? The smell of the study clang to him. Elrond's study. New tears broke free. His sobs woke the elf.

I raised my head when I felt the chest on which it lay heave. And nearly jumped with joy when I realised Glorfindel was awake - though he wept heartbreakingly.

"Glorfindel! Glorfindel! You're back!"

"That's no reason to be happy!" he sobbed.

"It is, for me and Elrond and Ell, El, Arwen and Estel, the guard, the sentinels, Arda in whole. Well, except perhaps the orcs. Stop crying, Glorfindel. You will manage. It is not like you were alone! Do you know how mad you made Elrond? He would have missed you horribly. Now pull yourself together."

I rose and tried to pretend it was normal that I had laid beside him.

He blankly looked at me when I dressed in my robes. "Come!" I said, "Rise." I opened his wardrobe and chose a garment in green and silver that I liked very much on him. He hadn't moved yet, but I pulled him up and helped him to dress. He obeyed, a bit dumbfounded. When finished dressing, I hauled him up and guided him out to the balcony.

It was a beautiful early autumn morning. I sat him down at the table outside, shortly went back to fetch the plate and put it in front of him. I decided to stay near him in case he had the idea to jump off the balcony or something.

At the moment the shock seemed to be greater than the sadness. Glorfindel gave me a very long, puzzled look. I smiled at him, took a cherry and ate it deliciously. Then I pointed at them. "They're really tasty."

Shortly his gaze wandered to the plate, but then it immediately returned to me.

"Erestor?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you care? Why don't you want me to leave? You would have Elrond all to yourself!"

"Glory!" Ooops, I accidentally called him by the pet name I had given him in private! "...Glorfindel, I already told you I don't want him as a lover. My interest is elsewhere. And we can share him as a friend. Remember? Shared joy is double joy. Do you really want to go now? You would not see him anymore until you leave the halls of Mandos and he... we set sail. And believe me, it is better to have the one you love at least near than to miss him completely."

"Believe you? Do you love someone, too?"

My smile must have grown a bit dreamy when my gaze travelled down the round shoulders, the glittering wavy hair, the muscular thighs..

"Yes. I have, for a very long time. But I kept it to myself because I know he would reject me."

"He?!"

"Yes, he. I know how you suffer, really."

He smiled sadly.

Suddenly Elrond stormed onto the balcony, shouting: "Erestor, where is... he?! Glorfindel!"

Our Lord fell to his knees beside him and took his hands. "Glorfindel, I'm so glad you're back!"

The seneschal shied away from him, but Elrond rose and embraced him tightly anyway. "Don't do this to us and yourself. Do you really want to give up everything only because you can't have one special thing?"

I saw how Glorfindel's hands clenched in Elrond's robe and feared he was tempted to say yes. But he kept quiet.

"Please, Glorfindel," begged Elrond, "Come back to us. Return to your work, our family, my side. I want you there. And don't you dare to suffer from it! Erestor taught me that it was wrong to mourn Gil-Galad's death for so long. He taught me it is better to savour the things you have. Please, please, try it, will you?"

He drew back to look into Glorfindel's eyes. They shone with tears. But to my overwhelming joy he nodded shyly.

Glorfindel tried to get through the day very bravely. The children came to him and seemed to distract him from his sorrow. He also managed dinner together with us, though he asked to have it in Elrond's private rooms. Because he now and then broke into tears and he didn't want that to happen in the hall.

I only wished he would heal eventually.

"Ada?"

Elrond looked up from the reports he had stared at for half an hour without really reading. His sons came to him. "We're sorry to disturb you, but we thought you would like to know what Thranduil wrote to Legolas."

"Yes, of course. I got a letter from him, too, but there was nothing exceptional in it."

"He warned Legolas. He told him to be careful and to come back to him immediately." The twins stared down at the floor, miserable.

"Oh my boys! That doesn't sound good. What did Legolas say?"

"At first he cried for hours. But then we comforted him and suddenly he changed his mind. He became stubborn and decided he wanted to stay here. He is adult and can make his own decision. And he wants to be with us. He'll write that to his father, too."

"That is very brave. But a bit dangerous, too. I don't know how Thranduil will react to it."

"We'll have to risk it. We don't want to lose him, Ada."

Elrond smiled guiltily. About all his own sorrows he had forgotten his children! He caught his boys in a tight hug. "There will be away," he said. "Hold your head up high, my little... big ones."

"You too, Ada."

Elrond sighed. "Yes. I'll try."

Glorfindel felt he was swallowed by darkness and sorrow as soon as he had closed the door behind himself. Alone in his chambers, the depression immediately grabbed him and he fell to his bed and cried. He felt horrible, as if his heart would burst with every beat. Life was so unfair. First Ecthelion was taken away from him and he was not allowed to follow him to the undying lands, and now the only one he had dared to fall in love with after his rebirth turned him down. He felt terribly lonely.

We waited for Glorfindel in the morning, but he didn't came to the hall. So I fetched a meal for him again and went to his rooms. My heart sank when there was no answer to my knocking. Oh no! He had seemed to be alright yesterday, I thought it was safe to let him be! Please, oh please all Valar, don't let something have happened to him! I entered and rushed over to the bedroom. There he lay again in his bed, fully clothed and streaks of tears on his face, his eyes vacant. No, no, no!

I set aside the plate and sat down on the edge of the bed. I carefully stroked his temple. "Glorfindel?!"

To my total relief, he stirred and his eyes grew aware. Este be thanked, he only slept!

"Erestor?"

"Yes. I'm sorry I woke you up. I feared you tried to fade again."

He rubbed his face and groaned when he rose. "I feel miserable. I'm so sad," he admitted.

I comfortingly rubbed his shoulder. Oh bliss, I could finally touch him! Feel his warmth and strength!

"Come on. You need time to heal. Go on. Do you want to have a bath perhaps?"

He nodded and my heart jumped. Oh yessss....

"I'll go and prepare. Fetch yourself fresh clothes."

I knew from experience that business helped best against depression, but that you often lack the motivation to begin something yourself. So I tried to help him by suggesting what he could do. Then I walked over to his bathroom and heated the oven to warm the water.

I secretly roamed through his cosmetics and chose a sweet scented bathing oil to pour it into the water. I loved that one on him, it made him smell like a spring lawn with many flowers. Then I returned to him, urged him into the bathroom and he seemed not to mind when I followed. Good, very good.

I dared to take off my robe and was now only clothed in light black trousers and a sleeveless black shirt. I only hoped I didn't grow aroused. But no, Glorfindel was in a too sorry state to be lusted after. He mainly woke my compassion at the moment. It took him long until he had undressed. Valar, he's beautiful. Broad, rounded shoulders, strong pectoral muscles, a fine, flat stomach, narrow hips and the delicious ass I always had wanted to bite. Yes, it was glorious without clothing. And, strangely enough, his whole skin was slightly tanned.

My mind wandered off to secret places where he might lay in the summer, stretched out, a sacrifice to the sun, completely naked... Suddenly I very much regretted that I had never walked in the forests before. Perhaps I would have had the luck to catch him...

I hadn't realised he was hesitating, too engrossed was I in staring at him. But finally I felt his eyes on me.

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to go?" Oh, please say no!

"I... forgot to comb my hair."

"I will help you with that," I quickly offered, completely unselfishly again, of course. I stepped up to him and caught his wonderful hair. I held it whilst he stepped into the bathtub and then let it fall down the outer wall of the tub. It was a glorious waterfall of silken gold, and so full! I couldn't suppress the satisfied grin to appear on my face when I took a brush and began to comb the mane with all dedication.

Strangely enough he didn't find that odd - or he didn't show it.

Oh I savoured to brush this sea of silken waves for as long as I could. And that was much longer than actually needed. When I finally could bring my hands to stop, the mane shone and glimmered, every strand in it's place. And the smell of it was branded into my mind for ever.

Only when I had put the brush away did I look back up to him and found him staring at me in wonder. Oops. I think I was being astonishingly plain. I even twinkled at him.

"Are you feeling better?"

He nodded slightly. Oh, I realised his shoulders were tense. But I thought that it would go too far if I asked if I might massage him.

"Do you want to wash your hair?" I asked instead. It was not really necessary, but it offered me the possibility to touch it further, if he allowed me to help. He hesitated, but then nodded again and my heart jumped with joy.

Glorfindel rose and I quickly handed him a towel. I would have probably fainted if I had looked at him naked any further.

He rubbed himself dry and then sat down on a low stool with his back against the bathtub, his hair dipping into the water. I fetched a jug and used it to rinse his hair fully. Then I removed the stopper and let the water go to have the space to shampoo the beautiful hair. I savoured to massage the mass carefully with the foam and then rinsed it clean. It took me quite a while to wash this hair. I'm not used to it for I keep my own hair at a length of not more than two spans, but Glorfindel's hair reached his thighs when wet and covered his nice butt when dry and wavy. I wrung and dried it with a towel, but it was still heavy with water.

I patted Glorfindel's shoulder. "Finished. And now? Do you want to go to the balcony? The sun shines and will help to dry your hair."

He nodded and rose. And wandered off to the balcony like this, wrapped only in a towel.

Oh horror! Why was my chamber at the complete other side of the Last Homely House?! Perhaps he even lay naked to savour the sun here, not far off in the forests! I was ready to bump my head against a wall. I could have had so much more of him if I had only dared to get closer to him!

I carried the plate with food after him and found him sprawled on the wooden divan, prettily lying on his stomach, tight fists pressed to his cheeks. He's so sweet. I pulled a stool beside him and sat down.

"Do you want to eat?"

He pouted. I could guess he was not hungry, for depression mostly takes your appetite away. But on the other hand food helped to regain the strength you needed to get along. So I didn't wait for him to say no but lifted a piece of apple to his lips. He frowned at me, but I pretended it was utterly normal to feed him. He took the first bite from my fingers, but then he propped up on his elbows and began eating himself - to my pains for I could no longer pet him, and to my delight for he was showing the willingness to live again.

"You said you suffered unrequited love, too," he murmured. "Who was it that you loved?"

Oh, he already guesses. But I didn't fear to be discovered any longer. "I still do," I said. "But I would prefer not to speak about it."

"Hmhm."

"Will you go to the sentries today?" I asked. I wanted to keep him occupied to prevent gloomy musing.

He nodded slowly. "I will. Though they will probably ask many questions I would prefer not to hear at all."

"Then pretend you didn't hear them. Don't let them hurt you." I said that to comfort him, though I was rather sure that the guard would be discreet. They are well-trained warriors and no immature elflings.

But this way I at least knew him to be busy this day when I returned to the study after I had sent him to the stables. Elrond asked me about him, concerned, but I comforted him that Glorfindel was being very brave.

And to our delight he even came to the hall for dinner. He tried to behave normally and Elrond tried to be extra warm with him. But I felt that Glorfindel needed much support now, he was still extremely feeble. And I managed with the twins' help to catch him in a game with dice. He didn't really enjoy, but he tried anyway. He seemed to comprehend that it was best for him to be occupied. And we gladly offered ourselves to entertain him for the whole evening.

But then it was time to go to sleep and I realised that Glorfindel became nervous and anxious. So I guided him out, a hand on his shoulder, and chitchatted with him until we reached his chambers. There he gave me a pleading look and I understood. He didn't want to be alone. My pleasure to help you, Glorfindel, really...

I stepped in with him and rubbed his shoulder. "I'll better stay here with you," I pretended to make the decision for myself to make it easier for my proud Balrog-slayer. "I want to keep an eye on you." He understood and smiled thankfully. Yes, Glory, would you only kiss me for thanks...

He walked over to his bedroom, undressed and slipped beneath the covers. There was no couch or anything, so I asked: "Where shall I sleep?"

Yes, it surprised me very much, but in a positive way, when he raised the covers and patted the mattress beside him. "I think the bed is large enough for two."

That was not the problem, it was large enough for five in fact. I quickly shed my robes and my trousers, leaving me in loincloth and shirt. I was no longer ashamed for my body. The assassin had returned not only in soul. My staircase-and-heavy-books-training had produced a lithe sinew and muscle body. Still thin in comparison to Glorfindel, but pleasant in whole. Still pale, yes. I was practically glowing white in the darkness surrounding us when I blew out the candles. And my mind nearly snapped when I slid under the blanket. I was with him in one bed! It was night and we were both nearly naked! Pleasant visions stormed my mind, but I kept them at bay. Glorfindel needed comfort. So I stayed a bit away from him. "Now sleep, Glorfindel. You're safe. Mourn no longer," I encouraged him. I guessed he smiled shyly.

I waited patiently until his tossing and turning stopped and his breath grew even, only then I allowed myself to drift off into a fitful sleep full of dreams. Nice dreams, yes, very nice. I only had to take care I didn't accidentally make them reality. I think it would have shocked Glorfindel very much to suddenly find himself turned to his stomach and raped.

And I would have probably ended as a heap of crushed bones.

I slowly woke in the morning, reluctantly chasing away my dreams. I felt I was hard and I munched happily. But then the horrible truth registered in me. Half what I had dreamt was real: I was pressed up against a warm, huge body! Or was this body pressed up against me?

My eyes grew focused and what I first saw was an ocean of golden waves. Oh heaven. Yes, he was directly beside me. His bent forearm was pressed against me, and so were his thighs. And whilst I still lay on the edge of the bed, Glorfindel had left his side and had turned over to me.

But oh sorrow, of course he was not dreaming of me. He probably dreamt I was Elrond. I pouted. What a pity.

Oh Valar, his impressive erection was pressed against my thigh and he munched contentedly when he rubbed against me. I endured it stoically, my whole concentration focused on the task not to come from the scenario.

But suddenly he jerked back and stared at me in open shock. That hurt.

"Sorry, oh sorry Erestor, I didn't want to offend you, forgive me!" he babbled and I gave him a sad smile.

"It's alright. Glorfindel. I'm happy you at least slept well."

He smiled back. "I did. I needed a bit of time to fall asleep, but it was much better than last night. Thank you, Erestor."

I nodded. "You're welcome."

From now on I took him by the hand and manoeuvred him through the days. We met in the hall for breakfast, then I sent him to the patrols and worked in the study. At latest for the dinner we met again and spent our evening together. Sometimes we stayed in the hall, sometimes we went to his rooms and played chess, discussed actual matters, the past or his problems. And in the night we slept side by side. I hardly visited my own room. We even shared his bathroom.

I was very happy with all that. I enjoyed my life like I had never done before. And as weeks went by, Glorfindel relaxed again, too. He grew a tad sad when with Elrond, but crying fits and panic attacks ceased and he eventually was able to laugh again.

He healed. But anyway he didn't stop enjoying having me near. That made me nearly giddy with joy. We got along with each other so well and through the rather personal care I had taken for him in his need, we were already fairly intimate. Pure bliss.

A few weeks after his breakdown we received the message of Thranduil concerning his son's decision to be with the twins. One letter was directed at Elrond and we read it together. It said that Thranduil wished to see his son and that he expected Elrond to bring him safely to the borders of Mirkwood. We were already full of fear that the twins' happiness would fall apart, but then they came to us with Legolas and the letter to him and seemed to be rather cheerful.

"What is it, my boys?" asked Elrond, surprised.

"Thranduil wants to see Legolas. But he writes that he doesn't want to alter his decision or forbid him anything. He only wants to talk to him privately. But then he will let Legolas go!"

The prince smiled shyly. Sweetling.

We all wished him good luck when he departed to go back to Mirkwood. The twins went with him to take him to the borders and it became quiet at our table. The twins are most entertainment in our family. And though I would have never admitted openly towards Elrond, I had enjoyed the constant teasing at the table, the prince's fierce blushes and sexy yelps. By the Valar, yes I could imagine he was a pretty little treasure in bed. But since I shared the bed with the most beautiful, radiant, powerful, glorious, strong, sexy... hours later... elf in the world, I didn't have the need to borrow him from them once upon a time.

And I returned to my Glory's chamber tonight again. We had a bit of small-talk, he washed himself in the bathroom whilst I had a shower. Yes, I even undressed fully in his presence. But I always avoided looking at him too much. My physical reaction would have betrayed me and probably scared him off.

Strange. When I looked into the mirror, combing my wet hair that shone like onyx, I felt beautiful. I had never liked myself before. But now I did. I smiled at my reflection contentedly, white teeth flashing, black eyes sparkling. Yes, I liked myself. The advisor and the assassin.

When my gaze met Glorfindel's he grinned at me. "Admiring yourself?" he asked amusedly.

"Yes, a little. Nobody else does, so I will have to do it myself."

He laughed. "Nobody? What a pity."

He rose and we walked into the sleeping room. A half moon was shining and Glorfindel liked to have the curtains open, so it was still fairly light when we blew out the candles. We slipped under the blanket, lying side by side. Glorfindel seemed to muse.

"Does something bother you?" I asked.

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"Who was it that turned you down?"

"He did not. He doesn't know."

"Have you never tried to reach him?"

"Not really."

"How would you know he would turn you down?"

Uh, this was getting difficult! "I know he loves another."

"Can't these things change?"

"I suppose they can, yes. I hope. Perhaps I will have a chance one day then. I don't know."

"Doesn't he like you?"

"He never told me what he thinks of me."

"Well, does he behave as if he likes you?"

"I think so. But it may be he's only being polite, too. Theses things are really hard to judge when you're in love."

"Can I help you somehow?"

I laughed at the irony of the situation. "How would you?"

"You must tell me. I mean, I would like to do something for you. You were there for me when I needed you, you are still. I think I would have gone to Mandos halls without you. If he had let me in. And now I realise it was better to stay here, probably. I regret I could not have Elrond. But I can't blame him. He's right to be faithful to Gil-Galad."

"How do you cope?" I dared to ask.

"I'm still sore. But I think I will manage. And you helped much with that, Erestor."

"Glad I could."

He smiled at me. "Do you need comfort, too?" he asked.

I bit my lip. Oh please, when you come near me my control will snap. So I was tempted to say no to prevent disaster, but my mouth was quicker to say "Yes. I missed comfort for a very long time."

"How long?"

"For my whole life."

"Have you never loved before?!"

"No."

"And you are more than five ages old! Erestor, you have much to make up for."

"Have you loved before?" I asked back to distract him.

"Yes. I loved Ecthelion. But I was denied to follow him into the undying lands. And he encouraged me to seek love elsewhere in case we were separated through fate or death."

Oh no, his hand rose and ghosted over to me. "I'd like to comfort you," he whispered. And turned over, took me in a strong embrace and pressed me against his huge, hot body. I nearly fainted with excitement and began to shiver.

"Erestor? Don't you like this?" he asked insecurely. "I only want to comfort you!"

That's it exactly. You act out of pity. But can I stand that? To be hugged by my love out of compassion?

"I... I'm not used to this," I stammered helplessly.

"Then you better get used to it. Because I won't let you go." And he nuzzled my hair and soon fell asleep, and I was caught in his strong arms, my face pressed against his soft chest, my mind racing. Valar he felt so good! Oh I cried for the loss I felt. He so near me and still so far away!

Glorfindel woke in the morning with a comfortable feeling in his heart. He felt warm, cherished and safe. It had been long since he had felt like this. Yes, very long. Perhaps he had even missed it for his whole new life, only carrying memories of the feeling in his heart, the feeling of being wrapped up in Ecthelion's arms. But still this time it was a bit different. He sighed and his eyes grew focused. He lay on his back and he felt the weight of a lithe elf on him. Smooth black hair cascaded across his chest, and his arms were folded around the slim body.

Erestor. Very strange.

Glorfindel wondered about his feelings. He felt perfectly comfortable with the old advisor in his arms. Wasn't that really bizarre? They had argued for hundreds of years and suddenly they ended up in bed together and he didn't mind?

Strange, really. But nice. Glorfindel carefully stroked the finely curved back. It was good to be together with someone. But who was it? A friend? A comrade? A kind helper who only had compassion with him, heartbroken? No. It all didn't really fit but still everything held truth in it. Glorfindel realised he had entrusted himself fully to Erestor. And hadn't been disappointed. Erestor had done everything for him. Glorfindel's brow knitted. Yes, that was really odd. If he loved someone, how could he be so open to him?

He felt Erestor stir, but he didn't let go. The advisor lifted his head and looked leepily at him. Glorfindel grinned. Erestor looked really cute in the early morning. The sharp edge was then missing in his gaze, the eyes looked calm and friendly, not keen and sharp. The tousled hair stood in all directions and the lips glowed red. Glorfindel realised he had never registered how enticing those full, red lips were.

"Erestor?"

"Morning, Glorfindel."

"I like being with you, I realised."

Glorfindel received a bittersweet smile and he wondered about it.

"Do you like being with me, too?" he asked. Erestor bowed his head. "Yes, I like being with you."

"Do you... feel like I disturb your... love towards the other? I wondered how you can be so open towards me when your heart belongs to someone else."

Glorfindel heard and felt how Erestor laughed bitterly in his arms and he was puzzled. He really couldn't make anything out of the strange behaviour Erestor showed when it came to his secret love.

"Why are you laughing?" he pouted, hurt, "I only want to help you."

"It's alright, Glorfindel, you help me best by being kind to me. As I said, I need comfort, too."

"You're welcome." Glorfindel enjoyed rubbing the sinewy back and Erestor purred. It shocked Glorfindel a little, because it was a very sexy sound. But suddenly Erestor rose, forcing him to let go, and walked over to the bathroom, leaving Glorfindel behind, dumbfounded.

I leaned against the bathroom door, heaving. Stupid warrior! How can someone who is called the seneschal of Rivendell be so blind? I stared down at my cock which had forced me to leave this beautiful, warm embrace. Stupid thing, always stirring in the wrong moment. I slid down to the floor and my head sank onto my folded arms. If I could only one day wake without fear, without the need to run away as soon as my pleasure showed.

The need to comfort Erestor, who was obviously troubled by something, drove Glorfindel into the study when Elrond was alone there.

"Elrond?" Finally, finally he could say the name again without being hoarse with a lump in his throat.

The Lord looked up at him and smiled. "Glorfindel?"

The seneschal closed the door and wandered around in the study, wondering how he should approach the matter. "It is about Erestor. I think you know him better than I do. He has been very kind to me in the last weeks. It is very nice, I'm most grateful for his affection. But still it puzzles me. And he told me he understands me well because he, too, loves unrequitedly. But he is open to me anyway. I wonder how to behave towards him. I don't want to ruin the love he holds for this other one I don't know."

Elrond tried hard to hold his features still. Could it be....? Everything made so much sense when he assumed Erestor loved Glorfindel! The snapping would have been self defence and yes, the intense reaction when Erestor had told him he knew for long that Glorfindel had loved him...

Perhaps he could somehow help? Somehow pay back what he owed Erestor and heal what hurt he had done to Glorfindel?

"Uhm... I don't know who that is either. But since he has not approached him it seems he thinks that love is impossible. And when you are ready to be with him, Glorfindel, why not comforting Erestor? Perhaps he gives up on his unrequited love and turns to you?"

Glorfindel seemed to think.

"You only have to be sure you want that," Elrond tried to help. His seneschal nodded.

"I will think about that. So you don't think it would be selfish of me to try to catch his love?"

"No. If you can give him what he does not yet receive, it would be even generous of you, wouldn't it?"

Glorfindel nodded slowly. "I would think so." He bowed and left and Elrond smirked. This was getting really interesting.

Glorfindel walked in the gardens, pondering his future. He felt very good with Erestor. He was nice and tender and good-looking and intelligent. When he looked at it like that, he wondered why nobody loved him. He had much to give.

Glorfindel knelt down at the side of a pond and looked at his reflection. Did he want to do that? To have a close friendship with him or even more though he hadn't actually fallen in love with him? Thinking about other possibilities he had, he found there were not many. Yes, many elves sought him out and courted him, but he had never felt such an attraction as he did towards Erestor.

And finally he decided a calm, friendly love of trust and loyalty was exactly what he needed. The stormy feelings he had had for Elrond had only brought him pain and the friendship to Erestor had only brought him joy and comfort. And he began plotting how he could steal his love from the unknown other.

Glorfindel is driving me mad. When I came to him after dinner, his balcony doors were open. The curtains swayed in the light autumn breeze and I stepped up to the door. And gaped, drooling.

There he lay, my beauty personified, in the glowing setting sun, his hair his only cover. He lay on the well-known divan, sprawled on his side, one arm folded beneath him, the other hand absently stroking his own flank. The shining hair was cascading over his narrow hip, barely covering his middle. Valar, I was near to fainting and only saved myself by lowering my head.

But when my blood was back in my head, my eyes immediately sought him out again. Dear gods! He stretched out languidly, so shameless, so lecherous, so beautiful, and exposed his body to the sun. Oh, I would have given everything to be Arien now, to be the one he was sacrificing himself to. I wanted to step up to him, to kiss his cheek, his chest, to fondle the pretty little nipples, to stroke that wonderful hair... away...

Glorfindel heard a faint thud and rose surprised. What had that been? He had been sure Erestor had come to the balcony. But he never appeared outside and now he had gone and slammed the door behind him? Oh horror, had he scared him away?! He rushed to the balcony door and stumbled over a lifeless form that lay sprawled inside.

"Erestor?!" Glorfindel knelt down. By the gods, was he ill? Suffering from some serious disease? His strength had obviously failed him! Glorfindel checked his pulse and found it steady. He patted the pale cheeks. "Erestor?"

The advisor was stirring, but he didn't manage to open his eyes. Glorfindel quickly gathered him close and carried him over to his bedroom. There he placed him carefully on the bed, took off his boots and robe and covered him warmly. Then he quickly slipped into his leggings.

Should he go to fetch Elrond? What was wrong with Erestor? But he didn't want to leave him alone and when he sat down beside him now and stroked the cheek lightly, Erestor opened his eyes and suddenly his pale face turned all rosy when he blushed fiercely. Glorfindel smiled. That was probably best medicine against fainting. Erestor avoided looking at him.

"Erestor? What is wrong? Do you need help?"

"No, no, it's alright... I suppose I have overdone my training today... the meal... I... Don't mind. That sometimes happens with me."

Glorfindel looked at him frowning. "Are you sure you're all right?"

My gaze travelled down. Unbearable relief, he had at least dressed in leggings.

"Yes, everything's fine. I'm sorry I gave you pains." Stupid me! I would have liked to kick my own ass. Staring at him until I fainted was not the best idea I ever had. Now I had the embarrassing job of explaining this to him. But how? My silly babbling obviously didn't convince him. Sure. There was nothing really convincing to say but the truth. And now he even bit his lip in wonder, leaving it swollen and rosy when he let go. And gods, his shoulders, his chest, his flat stomach still bare... Oh no, Erestor! Don't faint again! Not when lying in his bed! That would really be hard to explain and he would surly carry you off to Elrond, even worse!

I slowly rose.

I made my way to the living room and poured myself wine. Damn there was nothing stronger, it seemed Glorfindel had banished miruvor from his chambers completely since he had nearly drowned in it.

I felt his eyes on me. Don't turn, Erestor, don't turn! But my eyes caught his reflection in the glass of the cupboard. He was a shining figure in the gloom, his hair waving slightly. I had to get out of here. But I didn't dare to tell him I wanted to return to my rooms. It would only break his trust.

"What do you want to do tonight?" I asked instead.

"I would like to be with you."

Fine, very good. Then you will probably see me fainting every five minutes if you don't get dressed now!

Fortunately he had mercy on me and slipped into a light robe. But still he didn't close it and it revealed a part of his chest and his vertical navel, his muscular stomach... I nearly stumbled over my own feet when I followed him into the bay-window where the chess-board was located.

I tried really hard to concentrate, but my eyes always tried to catch glimpses of his chest, his pretty nipples, when he bent over to move a piece. He was glorious. Funny how his sindarin name offered such a fitting westron pet-name. Glory. My Glory.

Damn, he caught me staring at him instead of the chess-board. And a wicked grin curved the corners of his mouth upwards.

"I must resemble your secret love in a way or why else do you stare at me like that?"

I gulped. Yes, finally I had manoeuvred myself so deeply into the swamp that I could hardly get out again.

"Yes... you're a bit like him. You're beautiful, Glorfindel, you know?" There, it was out.

He smiled gratefully. "Thank you."

"I'm sure many other already said that to you and it means nothing when I do..."

"It means a lot to me what you think," he interrupted me and my heart beat quicker with stupid hope that would only get me hurt.

"Why?" I asked anyway. And I thought: Get it over with. He won't let you go otherwise.

"I like you!" he smiled brilliantly. Oh, nice. Yes. At least. I sighed sadly.

He caught that and sobered. "Doesn't that please you?"

"Yes, it honours me. Thank you."

He cocked his head. "You look sad." And he stood, came over to me and embraced me tightly, pressing my head against his naked chest. My fingers involuntarily clawed at his robes and I pressed myself against him. It was surprisingly how much he offered me, and I felt embarrassed, how tears came to my eyes. I desired him so, I simply couldn't stand it.

He realised it and wiped the tears away but stayed silent. Then he lifted me easily and carried me over to the bed. He undressed me to my loincloth, let his robe slip to the floor and joined me in bed, immediately embracing me again. He soothingly stroked my hair.

"Are you hurt because of him?" he asked.

I laughed bitterly. "Yes, in a way."

"Let him go. Do you really love him so desperately?"

My ears twitched. What did he want to achieve with that?! Telling me to let go?

"Why should I?" I asked mistrustfully.

"It only hurts you!" he explained innocently. "I believe you can find love elsewhere when you only look."

And I looked. I looked deeply into his eyes. And found them calm, trustful and loving. Is it true or does my long lonely mind only fools me?

"How... do you feel about me?" I asked shyly. "Do you mean yourself when telling me to find love elsewhere?"

His eyes did not leave mine and he smiled broadly. My mouth gaped open. Did that really mean...?!

My mind raced. Do it now! It screamed. And in one tiny moment I risked everything. I closed my eyes, leaned forward and kissed him. For once in my life I wanted to kiss my Glorfindel.

I told myself I would never get more and I would be thrown out of his rooms and be scolded for it forever, but I wanted to savour it anyway. My lips met his, my tongue slid out to caress his slightly parted lips. Oh he tasted wonderful. And I cried. So beautiful. I wanted him so much!

Finally I drew back and lowered my eyes and awaited my fate. I had doomed myself.

Glorfindel felt how Erestor timidly licked his lips and caressed them carefully with his own. But then he suddenly drew back. Glorfindel wondered why. It had felt so good! And Erestor cried! Oh no, he didn't want him to cry! He wanted him to be happy! Bastard other one, how could he hurt him like that? It had to stop. And Glorfindel was determined to take care of that himself.

Suddenly I felt myself be clutched, one strong hand cupped my head and pressed it tightly against his face, and he kissed me wildly.

I opened my mouth dumbfounded when he demanded entrance and his tongue slipped into my mouth, exploring, teasing. I looked at him in open shock when he suddenly drew back and turned me over to my back, straddling my legs. He looked down at me, his eyes glowing, his mane a shimmering halo around him.

"I won't let you down," he growled. "No matter how he hurt you. I will heal you if you only let me."

He teased my nipples and bent down to catch me in a passionate kiss.

This was true, I realised. He was really above me, kissing me, caressing, loving...

"Glorfindel!" I gasped and he drew back for a moment.

"Yes?"

"Does that mean... that means... you..."

"That means I love you, Erestor." He smiled brilliantly. "I just realised. First I thought I only liked you as a friend, cherished you as my trusted companion. But you're more. I love you, Erestor. Are you now ready to let the other one go? Will you trust me to heal you?"

And suddenly my giddy joy broke out into a hysterical laughter, scaring him that he did something wrong.

But I pulled him down to me, capturing him tightly with my arms and whispering into his finely curved ear: "I will surely not let him go. Not after I have just finally caught him. Now he's mine, all mine." I pressed him against me possessively.

He was still for a few moments. The he suddenly snapped up and stared at me in open shock.

"You mean you loved me?! The... other one... is me?"

I nodded, laughing, with tears of joy running down my face.

"But... but... you once said you loved him for centuries!"

"And I didn't approach him because he loved another. Wasn't it so?"

He smacked his head. "Yes, it was so."

Then we laughed together and finally he fell back down on me, nearly pressing the air out of my lungs with his hug. He nibbled at my ear and whispered: "Very well. Then I won't have to challenge him for turning you down. But I challenge you, Erestor. Make up for what you have missed."

There was nothing that I wanted more.

I pulled him up and kissed him fiercely, massaging his soft hair on his neck. "I'm determined to!" I panted and turned us over. Now I landed between his spread legs. Oh! Bliss! Blessed foreboding! My hands scratched down his torso and quickly undid the lacing of his leggins, then pulled them off. I regularly looked into his eyes to check if he still wanted this, but they always beamed with joy and excitement. I began exploring his body, massaging the broad shoulders, the smooth chest.

Oh yes, finally! I bent down and carefully teased a nipple. It felt unbearably good to lick, suck and bite the hard nub until Glorfindel squirmed and groaned. Oh, so easily aroused! I repeated the treatment with the other nipple. He already grew hard. Dear gods, I was blessed! He wanted me! Half an age of waiting and finally my patience was rewarded!

I quickly shed my loincloth and our naked bodies met at last. Glorfindel's strong arms caught me and pressed me tightly to him. His heat infected me, I savoured the feeling of his flexing muscles beneath me and admired his azure eyes. "I love you, Glorfindel," I breathed.

"I love you, too, Erestor," he answered, and it were the most wonderful words I had ever heard.

We kissed and stroked, licked and teased, bit and scratched. We turned and tossed, kicked and Glorfindel even threw me out of the bed once. But I was back on him within seconds, shocking him with my quick reflexes and catlike movement. I nuzzled his hair and drowned in it's waves. My heart felt so light like it could fly. I was dazed with joy.

After hours of exploring and fake fighting, I finally decided to make clear who was in control here. In one moment I had him on his stomach and his arms twisted behind his back.

"Enough playing," I hissed in his ear. "I want you. I want to take you."

His breath hitched with excitement. He nodded his agreement and I let go. I spread his legs and kissed his buttocks. Oh I was at the very end of my search. Finally I had found the place where I belonged.

I massaged his buttocks with both hands. "You have done this before?" I asked.

He nodded, but then grinned and shook his head. "In my other life. But this body, reborn and restored, is virginal. I am preserved for you."

Oh he drove me mad, definitely.

I jumped and hurried to the bathroom, fetching a massage oil. He waited for me unmoving.

I knelt between his spread legs with a content sigh. My dream. My long unfulfilled dream.

I opened the bottle and slicked my right index finger. First I teased his opening slightly, making him twitch in anticipation. Then I entered him slowly, carefully. Oh, my finger was wrapped in slick, soft heat. His inner walls were smooth and flexible. I cautiously added a second finger. He clasped at me shortly, but then he closed his eyes in concentration and let his muscles loose. I massaged him patiently until I could scissor my fingers so much that I could add a third one. With much oil I pressed them in and pulled out again, in and out until he stopped cramping at me. "Good. You make that good," I praised him. "Are you ready now?"

"Yes, take me."

He was begging me to take him. My erection grew painfully hard. What a wonderful scenario. Just like in my dreams.

"But...," he hesitated. I gulped.

"No hesitation, Glorfindel. Always tell me what bothers you. Promise, will you? Never keep anything from me. I want to please you, not me."

He smiled shyly. "I'd like to turn. I want to look into your eyes."

"What are you waiting for?"

He quickly turned over and spread his legs wide. He was so beautiful, so enticing. I covered my erection generously with oil, then dried my hands with the towel I had brought, too.

Glorfindel's impressive cock stood out and I carefully bent it up to his stomach, catching it between our bodies when I lay down on him. He crossed his arms behind me and pulled me close. His eyes sparkled with anticipation. I kissed him tenderly.

"Relax." I nudged his opening slightly. He nodded and I felt how he concentrated at relaxing. Then I carefully pushed in, pausing whenever he involuntarily clenched until he had control over his muscles again. Like this I sheathed myself into him until my balls were pressed to his buttocks.

We breathed in union, locking eyes. I felt as if I was one with him. Everything was even more wonderful than I had dreamt.

He gave me an encouraging smile and I slowly pulled out and thrust in again. He sighed blissfully and his strong hands clawed at my back.

I set a careful rhythm, not wanting to hurt or tear him. He wriggled and shoved me lower. I wondered for what, but then I realised when I suddenly hit a point in him that made him throw back his head and groan deeply. He was incredibly beautiful like this. I bit his throat and thrust harder, careful always to nudge his prostate, and soon he was screaming and writhing with lust and wanton need.

He pulled me down for a kiss, our tongues entwined, our bodies united, our fea one. Suddenly he stretched out, lifting his hips, and cried out my name when he came, hard. His walls contracted around me, his body arched, his breathing was harsh and deep and he nearly squeezed me to death with his strong arms when he released his seed between our bodies. And some more deep thrusts brought me to completion, too. I reached deeply into him, bringing my seed into his warm body and breathlessly whispering his name when I spent myself in him, my mind a swirl of intense emotions, my body pure waves of heat and fire.

I sank down to him like a dead body, all muscles relaxed, mind empty except for an all-consuming happiness.

He stroked my back comfortingly. He easily lifted my hips, pulling me out of him, and hauled me up for a last kiss before we both drifted off to sleep.

A strange sound ripped me out of my dreams. Glorfindel and I raised our heads simultaneously to identify the strange noise as Elrond laughing his head off. We stared at each other in puzzlement, then back at him. He was holding on to the doorframe to prevent falling over and when he finally managed to compose himself, he had to wipe away tears of joy.

We punished him with a parallel angry look. But he smiled it off. "First you make me pace my study all morning in fear what could have befallen you to miss breakfast, then you scare me with missing lunch, work and patrols, too, making me wonder what could have killed you both and making me come here to check on you. I already thought the worst when I didn't receive an answer to my knocking and stormed in in panic to find you both passed to Mandos out of simultaneous heartbreak, and then I come here to find you well alive, naked and... well, at good health. Fine, my friends, very good."

He twinkled and left, shutting the door behind him.

We looked at each other and shrugged, then went back to kissing, stroking, loving...

It took us two days to make the decision to rise. It was hunger which eventually drove us, real physical hunger. We laughed and loved in the bathroom but finally managed to dress and leave for the halls.

Elrond was sitting there with daily reports as morning lecture, Estel and Arwen had obviously been there but had already left. We sat down at each side of Elrond and he smiled at us.

"I hope it won't always take you so long to get back to your duties from now on. It was really hard to organise the patrols without you and the twins, Glorfindel, and even harder to survive the study without you, Erestor. I'm afraid I have a lot of work to do for you."

We pouted, but then sobered. He was right. We had duties and could not neglect them.

But in fact it really took us long to part every day from now on. It pained me to let go off him, to see him leave, to feel the emptiness in my heart when he was away from me. He told me he felt the same and I realised we really were in love.

We spent all free time together, I showed him my rooms and he even liked them. But I liked his rooms better, so we mostly dwelled there, remembering our first time together.

And loved every night, morning, evening and what ever time pleased us.

For ever.

Epilogue

Slowly, very slowly the people on the quay became smaller and smaller, their waving hands a swirling united movement. Our Lord stood at the back of the ship and cried miserable tears, letting go of Arwen for ever.

I stepped up to him and so did Glorfindel and we embraced him from both sides, locking him up between us and gently rocking him. But we didn't know any words we could say to comfort him. There were none which could make up for the horrible loss he suffered.

The twins stood beside us, still waving though Arwen could probably make them out no longer. They sobbed and rivulets of tears streamed down their cheeks. They clutched tightly at Legolas, who was between them, as if they wanted to prevent losing him. But they wouldn't.

He was with us, as were all other elves of the last fleet. The Grey Havens lay abandoned safe for the humans and the one elf who had granted us a last goodbye. The ships were sailing. A fleet of over a hundred was before us, but Círdan had waited for us with the very last one, taking the Lord of Rivendell, his advisor, his seneschal, his sons and their lover, Thranduil king of Mirkwood, Gandalf the white, Frodo, Bilbo, Galadriel and Celeborn with him.

And soon we could no longer see the king Aragorn and his party, as we left the haven and entered the gulf of Lhûn. The last elves had left middle earth to be reunited with their kin in Valinor.

Elrond collapsed into our arms and cried miserably. We held him tight and tried to comfort him.

But I was sure he would heal. Soon we'd be in the undying lands. And though he had to let go of the human part of himself and his family, he would join the elves of Aman. And the special one he had missed for so long. I whispered at Glorfindel and together we turned Elrond around, forcing him to look forward.

The End

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~~~~~~ The Things You Need To Know Are The Ones I've Never Said by BJ Malata ~~~~~~

Epilogue

The Things You Need To Know
Are The Ones I've Never Said
by BJ Malata